There must be nothing more annoying than a friend or family member learning a new language (except maybe a friend or family member learning piano or violin or the trombone). These linguist-wannabes would go around all day saying asinine things like “I am eating an apple” (in whatever language) even if it’s blindingly obvious that they are not, in fact, eating anything at all.
They would tell you in earnest: “The cat is black and the orange is orange,” and you would wonder about ringing up their therapist.
And maybe you should because goodness knows everyone needs a therapist these days.
I should know because, right now, I am spouting truisms such as “el vino y la manzana son rojos” on a daily basis. (For the Spanish-challenged, this means “the wine and the apple are red”.) I am diligent in practising my sentences because I’m sure they will come in handy when I next visit Spain.
“El vino y la manzana son rojos,” I will say to the nice lady ringing up my shopping at the supermarket while I point at the apple and the delectable bottle of Spanish wine in my basket.
And she will clap her hands in glee and give me a discount because I just said something very useful to her.
All I need to do is make sure that I preserve my sanity long enough to even make the trip to Spain. One does tend to feel a bit crazy after one has kindly informed one’s family for the umpteenth time the colours of various objects in the household and the ways in which one can interact with said objects, only to be met with a blank stare.
For example, I would tell Piers, in Spanish, “The newspaper is black and white. I read the newspaper,” and he would give me either a blank stare or, more often, a “Shall I ring your therapist?” stare, slightly quizzical, slightly worried, but mostly what the fuck.
Perhaps it’s his sanity I should be worried about.
Now, remember in the beginning I mentioned that someone learning a musical instrument would probably be more annoying than someone telling you dumb things in Spanish all day long?
Well, guess what, I’m buying a piano, too!
Or, rather, Piers has just agreed to buy me a piano!
Ooh. I just realised that he probably isn’t yet aware of the double whammy situation he’s gotten himself into.
Well, I am not exactly a totally virgin beginner pianist. I took piano lessons when I was 11 for a year or two and passed a few exams. However it HAS been a while, so I’m anticipating long months of banging out Yankee Doodle or whatever stupid songs they make you learn in piano these days.
I should probably put a therapist on our speed dial.
On the health front, I’ve decided to give yoga another try. (Went to a class a long time ago and hated it because it was so boring.) But I need to like it because of, well, health reasons, lol, so I’m going to try it at home first (using yoga apps on the iPad) and see how that works out before going to actual classes.
Perhaps Piers will be so distracted (and distraught) by the crazy poses that he won’t notice the other hobbies!
There’s a plan, huh?
Probably not a very good one but we all gotta do what we all gotta do and spouses gotta put up with it. :D
Will keep you posted on outcomes!