The Goonfather gets a *bish*

I was staring at my monitor, wondering what to blog about.

I mean, I have lots of material, like my Kuching trip, but I wanted to write something short and sweet. I was in meetings all day and didn’t have the time to blog until now.

So I said to the Goonfather, “Hey, give me a one-line joke so I can blog it before the night is over and then we can watch TV together.”

He thought about it quite seriously. He scratched his chin and furrowed his brows in concentration.

After a minute, he said, “Okay. Put up a big pink poster with the words ‘Coming Soon'”.

“And what’s coming soon?” I asked.

“I dunno,” he said. “You’ll think of something later.”

The Goonfather gets another *bish* tonight.

The Goonfather’s pet orange

One night, the Goonfather was kept back in the office waiting for an important phone call.

He had nothing to do, so he decided to take Mr Orange out for a romp around the office desk.

Mr Orange wasn’t very happy about it because he had been happily snoozing in a basket together with other oranges.

So he stomped about crankily, as cranky as an orange could get.

Suddenly, he chanced upon a big orange, much bigger than he!

“I will keeeeel you!” shouted Mr Orange angrily, because Mr Orange was an angry sort of fella.

“Hrraaaaah!!” he cried as he set upon the innocent, unsuspecting orange.

The victim, although big, was harmless as a kitten. But not as cute. And definitely more delicious.

As most oranges are wont to do, it sat around helplessly as Mr Orange tore into it.

“Take that!” cried Mr Orange, as he pummelled and pulverised. “That’ll teach ya!!”

“Hrummph.”

Finally appeased by the mess that he had just created, Mr Orange proudly admired his handiwork.

A short ringing sound burst through the air-conditioned air, filling every pocket of air.

“DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!” said the sound, almost making everyone deaf.

YOU HAVE LEVELED UP, said a voice via telepathy.

“Eh? Wot?” said Mr Orange. He kicked the orange corpse and unearthed a surprise item.

“WOAH! Rare drop!”

Longsword of Orange +2 Str +3 Agi +1 Sta

Oh no! Mr Orange is now armed!

What other terrors will he visit upon other unsuspecting perps next?!

The Goonfather wants me to micro-manage him

The Goonfather is the strangest man I’ve ever known.

He is the first (and possibly last) man I know who will complain when he doesn’t get nagged at.

“Why you never nag at me to [insert random command such as ‘Stop playing game, it’s bad for your eyes’]?”

I’d be, like, “Who the hell wants to be nagged at?”

He would say, “Me.”

“Huh???” I would retort.

“You must micro-manage me. It shows you care about me.”

“HUH?!?!?!”

I get this quite a lot because I do not nag, period. I am a firm believer of non naggage. I generally believe in letting people do what they want to do because I want to do what I want to do, myself.

Unless someone does something that severely compromises my comfort or safety or whatever, I’ll usually just leave him alone.

Once in a while, I will try to nag at him to make him happy.

“Go and study. If not you fail your test tomorrow.”

But it is so not in my nature to do such a thing, in fact, it is so against my nature to nag, that I often forget to do it. I find it hard to convince myself that he enjoys it.

So he ends up always nagging at me to nag at him.

I’m in the strangest relationship, ever.

Men are silly — Part 2

I’m at a private swimming pool with the Goonfather and Unker Kell.

They had gone to Sentosa earlier, but had prematurely aborted the mission because there weren’t any bikini babes around (although the Goonfather claims that it’s because the water at the beach isn’t nice enough today).

So they decided to come back to the mainland. They asked me to join them at the pool.

When I arrived, they were sitting at the table, making naughty remarks at the people swimming in the pool.

“Why aren’t you guys swimming?” I demanded. “Ask me to bring extra towel for you for fun ah?”

The Goonfather said, “Too many people in the pool.”

I looked.

I counted about seven people.

I looked back at the Goonfather.

“Those people swimming laps lah. I don’t want to go in and disrupt their training,” he said.

Three swimmers were swimming laps. The rest were just frolicking.

“These people ah,” complained the Goonfather, “Swimming laps and preventing people from having fun in the pool.”

There was silence for a moment.

Then, Unker Kell said, “Yes. People should not go to a pool to swim laps.”

“Yah lah!” said the Goonfather, “They should ban these people from swimming laps in the pool.”

“Yes,” agreed Unker Kell, “A pool shouldn’t be used for swimming laps.”

I decided to ignore them. Turned on my laptop and got to work.

Men are silly

Maybe it’s just the men around me.

I had dinner with my friends last night. There were four males and three females.

Most of the three hours, the guys discussed computer parts. Like, what part is better than what part for upgrading now, what is more value for money, is it worth overclocking your CPU, how to raid your hard disk, etc.

Unbeatable Geek Champion Unker Kell even described his old DIY water bong cooling system, which sounds really radical.

In a retro way.


(This isn’t Unker Kell’s system. I found this picture in this forum thread for illustration. I imagine Kell’s looks even worse than this because it involves a shower head.)

Anyway, it was a super geeky conversation. The girls joined in bits and pieces of it whenever it was relevant to us.

Unker Kell: Wang Wang’s computer exploded on me when I turned it on that night! Did you guys see?

The Goonfather: You guys never clean your computer. You must clean the parts once in a while to prevent it from exploding.

Wang Wang: Huh?

The Goonfather: When I’m free, I’ll dismantle my computer, rinse the dust off all the parts one by one, blow dry, then put back again.

Everyone: WTF?

Sheylara: I never clean my computers and they never explode before.

The Goonfather: That’s because I clean for you.

Sheylara: *thinking* Got meh…

Morte (Wang Wang’s hubby): F***! Don’t spoil market!!

Wang Wang (to Morte): Why you never clean for me!

Kerrendor (Minou’s hubby): I also never clean one! Shit, you spoil my market also.

Minou: *kitten stare*

But mostly, the girls just tuned out of the conversation. There was only so much geek talk we could tolerate in a night. Between that and our sporadic discussions about games and cute nieces, we were mostly silent because the guys were noisy.

After dinner, Unker Kell, the Goonfather and myself went to a 24-hour coffeeshop for dessert. (The rest wanted to go home to rest up for work the next day.)

There, the two guys continued to talk about computers.

I surfed the net a bit on my iPhone, but that was boring.

After a while, I rolled my eyes and interrupted the guys, who were comparing the latest computer hardware prices.

“Why must you guys talk about computers all the time? Why can’t you talk about other stuff, like… er… shopping or makeup or fashion?”

Without missing a beat, the Goonfather said, “Hey, Kell, check out the coffeeshop owner. She’s damn lau chio… always wear full makeup and dress very glam like going wedding dinner.”