A new low for telemarketing

I just received a phone call with an invitation to attend a Dior christmas party (presumably because I’m a Dior member and not because I’m a blogger.)

I was first told the date of the party, then a list of highlights, including makeup and fashion shows, food and drinks, limited edition products on sale, and a door gift, all of these read off a page in monotone.

Then silence.

“Is that all?” I asked.

“The price is $50. If you want to bring a friend, it’s $80. But you can redeem products with your tickets.”

“Oh, okay. I’m not interested, but thanks.”

The caller asked for a reason, so I said I wasn’t interested in buying any Dior products at the moment. Parties are okay, but having to pay to attend one where they will try to make you spend even more money is plain ridiculous.

She said, “Oh, you don’t have to buy anything.”

“But I have to pay to attend the party,” I said.

She then went on to inform me that I can redeem other stuff with the price of my ticket, but neglected to explain what she meant.

I wasn’t interested, anyway, so I just said, “No, thanks.”

But she wouldn’t give up.

“You can have fun at the party with your friends,” she persuaded.

“No, it’s okay, thanks.”

“You’ll also get a door gift.”

“No, I’m not really keen, but thanks.”

“There’ll be free refreshments, and you can just come and have fun with your friends.”

“Erm… no, thanks.”

She finally accepted my polite refusal and allowed me to hang up.

Although I hate telemarketing, I can kind of understand why companies would use this channel to sell, for example, insurance policies. But telemarketing for parties? I think it’s a new low.

Not very impressed with Dior now.

A bit off-topic, but some time in the beginning of this year, they sent me my membership card with a letter asking me to go pick up a welcome gift at any Dior counter.

I went to pick it up.

The gift was a welcome letter and a brochure.

Thanks, Dior. What I always wanted.

How the Goonfather foiled a telemarketer for a makeover studio – Part 3

This is a stand-alone story and has no relation to the first two parts.

It’s just that the Goonfather keeps getting calls from makeover studios. I DON’T KNOW WHERE HE HAS BEEN LEAVING HIS PHONE NUMBER!!

I never ever get calls from makeover studios. Not that I want to.

Anyway, enjoy this short and sweet conversation!

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*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Telemarketer (female): Hi, is this Mr ____?

The Goonfather: Yes.

Telemarketer: Hi Mr ____. I’m Janice*, calling from a makeover studio and would like to invite you to our studio.

The Goonfather: Janice, is it? You want me to go to your studio?

Telemarketer: Yes, we’re offering you a free makeover and photoshoot.

The Goonfather: Hmm, I see. Okay, how about this. I would like to invite you to have dinner with me tonight.

Telemarketer: Huh?

The Goonfather: I’m offering you a free dinner. Would you like to come?

Telemarketer: Er… *nervous laugh*… no thanks.

The Goonfather: Like that cannot leh. If you can’t accept my invitation to dinner, how can I accept your invitation to your studio?

Telemarketer:

Telemarketer scores one over the Goonfather

Uh oh. I think telemarketers are beginning to wise up to the Goonfather. If, one day, he stops being able to tease them, he’s going to blame me, I think.

Here’s the latest Goonscapade with a female telemarketer from a makeover studio.

Telemarketer: Good afternoon, I’m calling from XXX Studio and would like to invite you to our studio for a professional makeover and photoshoot for free.

The Goonfather: But I don’t need a makeover.

Telemarketer: Why don’t you just give it a try, sir? We’ll make you look very nice.

The Goonfather: Are you going to put makeup on me?

Telemarketer: We will do free makeup for you.

The Goonfather: I’m not a girl.

Telemarketer: Actually, makeup for guys is very common nowadays lah. All the male celebrities use makeup to look better on TV and photos.

The Goonfather: Do I sound like a fag to you?

Telemarketer: Hahaha. No lah, it’ll be unnoticeable one. Do you have a girlfriend?

The Goonfather: No.

Telemarketer: Oh. How about any female friends? You can bring a girl to do the makeover and photoshoot together. We have different clothes and backgrounds for you to choose from. We can do very nice couple photos.

The Goonfather: I see. But I don’t have any girl to bring leh.

Telemarketer: Oh. That’s okay, we can do solo photos also. So you want to give it a try?

The Goonfather: How about you be my partner for the photoshoot? We take photos together lah.

Telemarketer: Er… no, I don’t want.

*short pause*

Telemarketer: So, you’re not interested in our offer right? Okay, bye.

*click*

I wasn’t physically with the Goonfather when he took this call. But I would have loved to have seen his face when the telemarketer hung up on him.

How the Goonfather foiled a telemarketer for a makeover studio – Part 2

This story isn’t related to the first one. It’s a separate call from a separate makeover studio and it happened quite a while ago…

Telemarketer (female): Good afternoon, can I speak to Mr ____?

The Goonfather: Yea, wassup?

Telemarketer: Hi Mr ____. I’m calling from Naughty by Nature, a makeover studio. We would like to offer you a free photoshoot.

The Goonfather: Mmmm… Naughty by Nature?

Telemarketer: Yes, we’re a newly opened studio.

The Goonfather: Okay. So, when would you like me to come down?

Telemarketer: How about the day after tomorrow? We have available slots for then.

The Goonfather: What?!? So fast? I need to go gym and do some workout first. My body not ready to be shot.

Telemarketer: Haha…

The Goonfather: So, is it a solo shoot or do I have a partner?

Telemarketer: It is up to you, sir. You could bring a partner if you like.

The Goonfather: But I don’t have a partner. Do you have models to pose with me?

Telemarketer: Er… no.

The Goonfather: Hmmm. It would be nice to have a hot female model to do this shoot with me, so I won’t feel cold alone.

Telemarketer: Er…?

The Goonfather: Is the photographer male or female? Cos I don’t think I am comfortable being naked and doing suggestive poses in front of a male photographer.

Telemarketer: Huh? You don’t have to be naked.

The Goonfather: What? But you said your studio is called Naughty by Nature, right?

Telemarketer: Oh, haha. It’s just a name. We’re not doing that kind of shoot.

The Goonfather: Hmm… then you’re the same as the last 10 studios that called me, which I normally hang up by the second sentence. So, tell me something.

Telemarketer: Huh? Like?

The Goonfather: Anything lah. Maybe about this photoshoot you’re offering.

Telemarketer: Oh, okay. This photoshoot is free of charge.

The Goonfather: Okay. Please leave me a message after the *toot*!

*click*

Sheylara and the telemarketer

I was in a cab today, on my way to the HTC Touch Diamond media launch, making use of the time to frantically memorise as many lines as I could for my play, because first rehearsal was tonight and I was supposed to have all the lines memorised by then.

[She couldn't wait till they got out of there]

(This is a photo I took of Precious and myself in the Shangri-La toilet, where HTC launch was held. I mean, the launch was held in Shangri-La, not in the toilet. But I will blog about that another day. About the launch, not the toilet.)

Back in the cab.

A phone call came.

Ordinarily, I would have been quite pleased to entertain a telemarketer while in a cab because, as you know, there is nothing better to do when you’re stuck in a cab, anyway. Plus I have free incoming calls.

But today, I had a script to memorise.

So, when the caller introduced herself as being from Prudential, I planned to cut short the conversation by deploying my usual answer: “I’m unemployed and can’t afford whatever you’re selling.”

BUT.

Something in what she said made me improv a new response.

She said, “I’m pleased to inform you that your residential zone has been selected for our new promotion.”

I remembered that I recently moved house.

So I asked her, “Do you know where I’m living now?”

That stumped her, for some strange reason.

“Er… umm…,” she said, “Er… OH, I mean your company. Yah, your company has been selected.”

That, of course, was the wrong answer.

I asked, “Do you know where I’m working now?”

This time she was stumped for a slightly shorter duration.

“Er… er… *clear throat* *shuffling sound* … MediaCorp?”

Wrong answer again. I left MediaCorp in 2002.

I said, “Oh, I’m no longer working there. Does that mean I’m not eligible for your promotion?”

*click*

She hung up on me!!!!

Just as well, I suppose. I didn’t have time to entertain her, anyway.