The Goonfather is your science teacher

Having supper with the Goonfather and Unker Kell.

Unker Kell was telling us about his new job at the Singapore Science Centre and the Goonfather was teasing him about how he’s going to get bugged by kids asking him questions all day (even though it isn’t that kind of job).

Singapore Science Centre

“What are you gonna say if they ask you why E=MC2?” the Goonfather wanted to know.

At which point Unker Kell actually launched into a speech about energy and mass having a party, or something like that, I don’t know, physics has never made sense to me.

The Goonfather interrupted him.

“No, no,” he said. “You must tell them this:

“E=MC2, right? Now, E is the elephant. On the other side of the equation, you have the monkey and the cheetah. What you need to do is mate the monkey with the cheetah to produce twins, and then when you combine everything, it is equivalent to the elephant.”


There was a stunned silence for a moment.

And then pandemonium. By way of me spilling chilli sauce all over myself because my body suddenly decided to laugh very violently.

Unker Kell offered the Goonfather a finger and a descriptive word.

I told the Goonfather, “I think you should be a teacher.”

Which prompted a discussion on how our future generation will be made of morons if the Goonfather were to became a teacher.

But we agreed that the kids would love him.

“‘Cher! Why does one plus one equal two?” teased Unker Kell.

“No, no, no,” said the Goonfather. “The question is not why, but how one plus one equals two.”

1 + 1 = 2

More spilled chilli sauce. More laughter. Even though it wasn’t even all that funny when you really thought about it.

The Goonfather, putting on his teacher face and affecting a teacher voice, went on to explain, “I want you to take out a ruler.

“First, I want you to measure the length of the number one. Okay?

“Then, you measure the length of the other number one. Got it?

“Now, I want you to measure the length of the number two. Right?

“Finally, you will see that the combined length of both ones is the same as the length of the two. That is why 1 + 1 = 2.”

The Goonfather gets a *bish*

I was staring at my monitor, wondering what to blog about.

I mean, I have lots of material, like my Kuching trip, but I wanted to write something short and sweet. I was in meetings all day and didn’t have the time to blog until now.

So I said to the Goonfather, “Hey, give me a one-line joke so I can blog it before the night is over and then we can watch TV together.”

He thought about it quite seriously. He scratched his chin and furrowed his brows in concentration.

After a minute, he said, “Okay. Put up a big pink poster with the words ‘Coming Soon'”.

“And what’s coming soon?” I asked.

“I dunno,” he said. “You’ll think of something later.”

The Goonfather gets another *bish* tonight.

Men are silly — Part 2

I’m at a private swimming pool with the Goonfather and Unker Kell.

They had gone to Sentosa earlier, but had prematurely aborted the mission because there weren’t any bikini babes around (although the Goonfather claims that it’s because the water at the beach isn’t nice enough today).

So they decided to come back to the mainland. They asked me to join them at the pool.

When I arrived, they were sitting at the table, making naughty remarks at the people swimming in the pool.

“Why aren’t you guys swimming?” I demanded. “Ask me to bring extra towel for you for fun ah?”

The Goonfather said, “Too many people in the pool.”

I looked.

I counted about seven people.

I looked back at the Goonfather.

“Those people swimming laps lah. I don’t want to go in and disrupt their training,” he said.

Three swimmers were swimming laps. The rest were just frolicking.

“These people ah,” complained the Goonfather, “Swimming laps and preventing people from having fun in the pool.”

There was silence for a moment.

Then, Unker Kell said, “Yes. People should not go to a pool to swim laps.”

“Yah lah!” said the Goonfather, “They should ban these people from swimming laps in the pool.”

“Yes,” agreed Unker Kell, “A pool shouldn’t be used for swimming laps.”

I decided to ignore them. Turned on my laptop and got to work.

Men are silly

Maybe it’s just the men around me.

I had dinner with my friends last night. There were four males and three females.

Most of the three hours, the guys discussed computer parts. Like, what part is better than what part for upgrading now, what is more value for money, is it worth overclocking your CPU, how to raid your hard disk, etc.

Unbeatable Geek Champion Unker Kell even described his old DIY water bong cooling system, which sounds really radical.

In a retro way.

(This isn’t Unker Kell’s system. I found this picture in this forum thread for illustration. I imagine Kell’s looks even worse than this because it involves a shower head.)

Anyway, it was a super geeky conversation. The girls joined in bits and pieces of it whenever it was relevant to us.

Unker Kell: Wang Wang’s computer exploded on me when I turned it on that night! Did you guys see?

The Goonfather: You guys never clean your computer. You must clean the parts once in a while to prevent it from exploding.

Wang Wang: Huh?

The Goonfather: When I’m free, I’ll dismantle my computer, rinse the dust off all the parts one by one, blow dry, then put back again.

Everyone: WTF?

Sheylara: I never clean my computers and they never explode before.

The Goonfather: That’s because I clean for you.

Sheylara: *thinking* Got meh…

Morte (Wang Wang’s hubby): F***! Don’t spoil market!!

Wang Wang (to Morte): Why you never clean for me!

Kerrendor (Minou’s hubby): I also never clean one! Shit, you spoil my market also.

Minou: *kitten stare*

But mostly, the girls just tuned out of the conversation. There was only so much geek talk we could tolerate in a night. Between that and our sporadic discussions about games and cute nieces, we were mostly silent because the guys were noisy.

After dinner, Unker Kell, the Goonfather and myself went to a 24-hour coffeeshop for dessert. (The rest wanted to go home to rest up for work the next day.)

There, the two guys continued to talk about computers.

I surfed the net a bit on my iPhone, but that was boring.

After a while, I rolled my eyes and interrupted the guys, who were comparing the latest computer hardware prices.

“Why must you guys talk about computers all the time? Why can’t you talk about other stuff, like… er… shopping or makeup or fashion?”

Without missing a beat, the Goonfather said, “Hey, Kell, check out the coffeeshop owner. She’s damn lau chio… always wear full makeup and dress very glam like going wedding dinner.”