GGF#7: Games to play this week

[Gamer Girl Friday]

Welcome to another edition of Gamer Girl Friday! To those of you who have been supporting this little project of mine (silently or vocally), thank you very much! The reason I’m still going strong is you!

I haven’t had much of grand editorial plan for GGF so far. Like, I don’t plan my issues ahead and I just kinda write whatever appeals to me at the moment.

So, I know I’m not producing the best work I can, but I can only get better with your help.

Writing quality content, while having fun doing it, is my ultimate goal.

Thank you for being with me on my journey!

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Table of Contents

  1. Have you created your Spore?
  2. Playing Battlefield: Bad Company
  3. Don’t play this alone in the dark
  4. Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Part 6
  5. Xbox Live Gold Subscription Card goes to…
  6. Ask Sheylara
  7. Want a cool PS3 keychain?

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Have you created your Spore?

Hewwo! I’m a cute purple blob!

Bweek! Fweek!

Oooh! My creator just gave me pincers!

I look weird. =(

Snip snip!

Yippeee! I have eyes and legs!! And a tail!

Look ma! Hands!!!

Oh, OOH! We’re going into the painting room next!

Aww, why am I still purple? I like yellow!

Aniwehs, I love being a freak!

Oookies. You can go to EA to download the client to make your own freak!

Like, you can stick body parts anywhere on your blob and adjust sizes and angles for everything! You can give your creature a zillion eyes if you want to!

I’m glad I don’t have a zillion eyes. I wouldn’t know what to do with them.

I can be found in the game called Spore, created by The Sims creator Will Wright! But the game won’t be released till September. =(

Aww, don’t be sad. I will dance for you, okie?

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Playing Battlefield: Bad Company

Pretty cool game. There’s a lot of humour in the cutscenes and the gameplay dialogue. Funny storyline. Feels like you’re watching a movie. Nice graphics, with cinematic effects at times.

Here’s a video of the demo gameplay, played by the Goonfather.

Yup, it’s as good as the reviews are saying!

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Don’t play this alone in the dark

Because, as the game title suggests, you’re Alone in the Dark. And playing this game alone in the dark is going to be freaky, especially when zombies jump out of nowhere to try and eat you.

I uploaded a funny video of it more than two months ago. (Filmed it at the Xbox 360 party where we were given a sneak preview of the game.)

It has finally launched (only on the Xbox 360 for now) and I am alerted to that fact by the sudden influx of comments I’m getting in YouTube for the video.

So, I’m embedding it once more for my newer readers. It’s worth a look because it’s a funny video to the theme of “pwned by a zombie chick”!

Anyone getting the game?

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Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Part 6

Sheylara couldn’t wait to bop enemies on the head with her new hammer.

“HWAH!! Come to momma!”

Excitedly, she wandered off in search of an enemy.

The ditzy barbarian girl came upon a one-armed man who looked rather like a statue.

“Hi!” Sheylara said chirpily. “Are you an enemy?”

“Um, no,” said the man. “Why should I be an enemy?”

“Aww, are you sure you’re not an enemy?”

“Quite sure.”

“Are you very, very, absolutely sure?”

“Lady, see here now! I’m a one-armed man who looks rather like a statue, for goodness’ sake! Why would I be your enemy??”

“I don’t know. I just thought, maybe.”

“I quite assure you that I’m not an enemy.”

“Alright, then.”

Dejectedly, Sheylara wandered off to see if she might not find an enemy before too long.

Soon, she came upon a muscular red-haired man.

“Are you an enemy?” Sheylara asked doubtfully.

“Nope,” said the man. “I am the famous Captain Redrik, scourge of the southern coasts. If I have slain one of yer loved ones and it’s revenge ye seek, then a duel to yer death it is!”

“Well, you didn’t exactly…”

“If ye have business with me, speak!”

“Kthxbye.”

Fortunately for Sheylara, she possessed at least half an ounce of brain matter, which advised her that she’d better leave well (and beefy captains) alone.

She decided to get on with seeking her destiny, as the lady in white in the previous episode had told her.

As she plodded along in search of the island in the south, a dodgy character pssted her.

“Psst!”

“What’s with this city and psst?” asked Sheylara rhetorically.

“Lady,” said a man with a strange cape that covered his chin and a bit of his nose.

“Hi,” Sheylara responded.

“I am Idogbe. Heard of me?”

“No.”

“Aww, dang,” lamented the man. “Do you think I should start a blog? Bloggers seem to get famous quite easily these days.”

“I suppose,” said Sheylara. “I will read your blog if you tell me where the island is.”

“Awesome! The harbor is just right there! Leave comments, too, will ya?”

“Sure, if I’m not too busy. I gotta find some enemies to bop on the head, as you can tell, seeing as I got a bigass hammer and all.”

So, off to the harbor Sheylara went. She spotted a grouchy guard standing guard.

“Oh, hello!” she waved.

The guard ignored her.

“Hellooooo,” waved Sheylara again. “Tell me about the harbor!”

“Harbor’s not your business, stranger. Leave me alone.”

Sheylara considered momentarily hitting the surly guard over the head with her hammer, then thought better of it. He did have a silly-looking spiky thing on his head and she didn’t want to break her new hammer.

“You people in this city aren’t very friendly,” she told the guard. “I shan’t bother with the lot of you anymore!”

It was then that the disillusioned barbarian girl decided it was a good time to go for a midnight swim.

After all, what was a swimsuit for if not for swimming in?

“Last one in’s a rotten egg!” she cried to no one in particular and jumped into the water.

“Ahhhhhh,” Sheylara luxuriated, all the stresses of the day washing off her.

She swam and swam.

And swam.

And enjoyed the caressing waters.

And swam.

And suddenly found herself on an island.

“Ooh, I found my island!”

First order of business was to take some touristy camwhore photos.

“Nice! Now, what shall I do on this island?”

Wandering around, she spotted an old man sitting by a campfire.

“Ooh, maybe that’s an enemy I can try my hammer on!

Happily, she ran towards the old man.

“Are you an enemy?” she asked.

Startled out of his reverie, the old man said, “Of course not, you dumb blonde. Now sit down and listen to my story because I’m part of your destiny quest.”

“Oh, alright.”

While listening to a somewhat long and tedious story, Sheylara camwhored. She was kinda getting into it.

Before long, the storytelling old man lulled her into a drowsy daze and she eventually fell into a dreamless slumber, all thoughts of quests and hammers and camwhoring forgotten.

Once again, Sheylara wasted another episode of Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian not doing anything very exciting, but that’s the way the story goes.

At least, she felt, her life is a little bit more fun than that of the old man whose grandfather story put her to sleep.

(To be continued next week…)

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Xbox Live Gold Subscription Card goes to…

Dexter Tiah!!!

Congratulations! You win this for simply posting a comment in last week’s GGF! Hope you have fun with Xbox Live! I will be contacting you by e-mail for the delivery of your prize!

Those who didn’t win this time, don’t be disappointed. There will be more in the future, I’m sure!

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Ask Sheylara

Ask me any gaming-related questions! Post them in the comments or e-mail me, I don’t really care. I will try to answer all questions (unless I get like 500 questions a day).

Alex Tung asks a general question:

If I had to decide between Nintendo Wii and a PSP, which one should I get? I am not into cute games… not much of a Guitar Hero fan too… I like RPGs with fantasy/magic/dungeons & dragons themes and stuff. The last time i bought a console (PS2), it ended up rotting in my storeroom after a year. So… any sort of advice is appreciated.

Sheylara Says:

See, the thing is, if you really like RPGs, you wouldn’t have let your PS2 rot in the storeroom because the PS2 was, like, famous for its great library of RPGs (e.g. Final Fantasy). So I’m going to assume that the reason that happened was because you didn’t have time to play games.

If that’s the case, then the PSP will be a better choice because it’s portable. You can play on the go, while waiting in queues, while waiting for your girlfriend, or whenever. Well, of course, the PSP also has more RPGs than the Wii.

Wii has the monopoly on cute games. So if you’re not into cute games, your Wii will just rot in the storeroom together with your PS2, I think.

Wishbone asks a camwhore question:

For a person who isn’t that photogenic, how would you tell him/her how to pose for photos?

Sheylara Says:

Everyone has a good side. Just take tons of photos, try all kinds of angles and all kinds of smiles and expressions to find the best one! Yes, it may sound strange, but looking good in photos requires practice just like everything else.

If that’s not working, then wear makeup, or wear a mask.

Apoorv Khatreja asks a comparison question:

If you had to choose a favorite, which one would you choose – GTA IV or Super Mario (The classic version for SNES)?

Sheylara Says:

Definitely GTA IV. I’ve never been much of a Super Mario fan, although I do like some of the characters like the mushrooms and goomba.

But GTA beats everything else hands down, anyway!

junkie asks a Super Mario Bros question:

Did you play Super Mario Bros (the wildly popular one in the 90s), and if so, did you ever finish (I couldn’t because mum would yell at me to STOP PLAYING NOW before I even came close!)? If so, what happens at the end? I was convinced that this game was programmed to go on forever.

Sheylara Says:

Eh, what’s the fascination with Super Mario, you guys? The only Super Mario games I like are the party games! Hehe. Like the one on the Wii where it’s like a board game (Mario Party 8) and also the board game one on the DS.

I don’t generally like 2D side-scrolling games, and I find endless coin collecting very annoying.

What a shame your mum never let you finish it, though. You should have told her that she needs to let you rescue Princess Peach if she ever wants to have a daughter-in-law and cute grandchildren.

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Want a cool PS3 keychain?

This keychain is very cool!! I would keep it for myself if I’m not already using a Tiffany & Co keychain which I got for Christmas last year.

Anyhoo, here’s a picture of it!

Mouse not included! I only put the mouse in the background so you can have a size reference.

You can open up the keychain to reveal a secret compartment! Oooh!

It’s to store a Sony Memory Stick PRO Duo for your PSP! How cool is that?!

Aww, I’m almost sad to part with it!

But one lucky you is gonna get it! So…

HOW TO WIN THE KEYCHAIN?

Answer these questions:

  1. What content(s) do you like in Gamer Girl Friday?
  2. What content(s) don’t you like in Gamer Girl Friday?

Most useful/helpful/constructive/impressive answer wins!

Closing Date: July 3, 2008

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Fridays used to mean nothing to me since I don’t have a regular job and, like, every day was a weekend to me.

But now that I’ve suddenly gotten very busy with activities and freelance work, I’ve had to specially put aside weekends for friends and family and fun. Now I look forward to Fridays (and weekends) very much!

Hey, don’t forget to go to VivoCity tomorrow for the UEFA EURO 2008 PS3 tournament! It’s happening from 12 pm till 7 pm at the East Court. I will be there from 12 pm to about 3 pm! Come say hi to me if you spot me!

And, as always, have a great weekend! Love ya!

[Gamer Girl Friday]

GGF#5: The weird issue

[Gamer Girl Friday]

I was going to make a Metal Gear Solid 4 video for this week’s Gamer Girl Friday but we weren’t able to acquire a copy in time.

So, this week, I’ve got some other nonsense for you.

Everything in this issue is weird, strange, funny, crazy, confused because I’ve had a busy dizzy week and am in that sort of mood.

I’m sure you’ll enjoy it, though.

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Table of Contents

  1. The Goonfather tries to buy Metal Gear Solid 4
  2. Female gamers are a myth
  3. Meet the weirdo guild
  4. Annoyed and addicted
  5. Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Part IV
  6. Someone won a 1GB thumbdrive!
  7. Ask Sheylara
  8. Win exclusive movie tickets and a PlayStation 3!

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The Goonfather tries to buy MGS4

[I'm watchin' you]

Metal Gear Solid 4 released worldwide yesterday, so the Goonfather rang up his favourite games shop to check if the stock had arrived.

“Hello,” he said, “Do you have Metal Gear Solid 4 yet?”

The lady who picked up the phone spoke in Chinese, which I shall translate into English for your convenience.

“Mitaka Gekono So?” she said. “Yes, we have it.”

“WTF is that,” thought the Goonfather to himself.

He tried again.

“The PS3 game, MGS4? You have it?”

“Ohhh,” she said. “Yes, we have GTA4.”

“WTF????” thought the Goonfather to himself again.

He tried once more.

“No. I mean MGS4. Me… tal… Ge… ar… So… lid… 4.”

“Huh?” she said. “There’s no such thing.”

Before he felt forced to say WTF for real, he thanked the lady and hung up.

No MGS4 for us on launch day.

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Female gamers are a myth

It seems that a huge majority of the male population still haven’t realised that girls are starting to take over the gaming world.

I blame it on “shemales”, a term used by Singaporean gamers to label men who play female characters in games. (I think the Americans call them trannies.)

[I may look female but I'm male]

It perpetuates the belief that all female characters are, in fact, played by men. Therefore, real female gamers do not exist.

Anyway, I’m raising this topic today because some guy posted this in the Age of Conan forum yesterday:

[The hook]

Yes, this guy found my blog and can’t quite believe that girl gamers exist. Within one day, this post generated 8 pages of hilarious comments debating my existence (and that of other girl gamers).

I’ve compiled some of the funny ones here:

[The bite]

Hilarity!

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Meet the weirdo guild

This isn’t a new thing, but I just discovered it so I’m sharing it with you.

It’s a video series about a bunch of MMORPG addicts who get into all kinds of trouble online and offline. It’s really funny and the actors are really good with impeccable comic timing!

This is the first episode:

Watch the other episodes here!

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Annoyed and addicted

This past week, I’ve sacrificed countless hours of sleep for this stupid DS game called Lost in Blue.

[Game for kids!!]

The latest version is Lost in Blue 3, but I’m still living in the dinosaur age and playing the first of the series.

This game is evil. Once you start, you can’t stop, no matter how much you hate it.

You play this high school kid who is stranded on an island. Together with a cute girl named Skye, you must find a way to survive and escape.

[Aww, so sweet]

Your immediate daily goal is to keep your three meters (hunger, thirst and energy) filled.

[Tell me I'm not playing this]

So, basically, it’s a game of eating, drinking and sleeping.

I thought it would be really easy. The Sims has like eight bars to fill. This has only three!

NOT!

The bars go down very fast and it’s annoying as hell. And the game tempts you with poisonous mushrooms at the start so you have to choose between dying of hunger or dying of poison.

[Napping on the beach is quite fun]

It’s very, very annoying.

The game teases you.

When I finally managed to gather the materials to make a fishing pole so I could fish and eat some real food instead of living on coconuts and poisonous mushrooms, I was ecstatic.

Then I discovered that spearing fish is hard.

[The fish was ticklish]

You have to poke at fish swimming across the screen very fast with your stylus. It’s a tiny moving target. You have to be so precise.

You miss half the time.

The fishing pole breaks after you’ve used it like five times and all you’ve got to show for your effort is one measly fish in your basket.

It’s back to coconuts, then.

I hate this game. The whole game is full of rubbish like that. Makes you happy by letting you discover something, then annoys the hell out of you by making it so hard.

While performing your daily task of surviving, you’re exploring the island and trying to find a way to civilisation.

There are more irritating things to grumble about the game but I have no more space.

I am especially annoyed because it’s at the same time so addictive that I can’t stop playing it.

The game is coming on the Wii end of this year!

Titled Lost in Blue: Shipwrecked, it will have about the same gameplay as the annoying version I’ve been spending too much time on, on the DS.

[Let's get stranded again!]

I need to a Wii!

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Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Pt IV

Read Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

So, it was a dusty and humid evening and Sheylara the kind-hearted and innocent barbarian girl had been asked to fetch bricks for the grumpy smithy.

“Woe is me,” Sheylara mumbled pitifully to herself. “All I wanted was a cream soda and a place to sleep.

[Headache]

“And maybe a new bikini, but I would’ve done without that. Whatever.”

As she trudged wearily through overgrown foliage and muddy footpaths in search of bricks, her tired mind wandered into the past.

She saw a flash.

And then she felt a sharp pain as her mind came running back to the present.

[Pain]

“Ouch!” she yelled.

Her confused time-travelling mind registered two dodgy characters staring at her challengingly.

[Who's your daddy!]

“Who’s ya daddy?!” they roared.

“What are you—”

“Villain! Evil sorceress!” interrupted one of the dodgy characters. “Taste ma blade afore ya touch ma bricks!”

“How did you know I wanted—”

Another flash and Sheylara instinctively dodged the clumsy swing of a dull stick.

“OH go to hell,” Sheylara said. “I am so sick of you people!”

She raised her arms. Blinding white light swirled around her hands and burst out in a fierce arc towards her antagonisers.

[Yes, it's quite blinding]

As of that moment, the two dodgy characters ceased to be dodgy characters. They were now a sorry heap on the ground.

[They won't be waking up any time soon]

“Cool,” said Sheylara. “I never knew I had that in me!”

Triumphantly, she ran past the sorry heap into a quarry of strangely glowing bricks.

[These bricks weren't made for walking]

“Bricks!” Sheylara cried. “My meal ticket!”

Loading as many as she could carry in her hands, Sheylara raced back to the sullen smithy with whatever remaining strength she had.

Just like that, without much fanfare, the tired barbarian girl was let into the shining city of Tortage.

[It was still quite bright, surprisingly]

Well, not quite shining, but it was still a real city with real people and real bikinis, nonetheless.

Happily, Sheylara ran up to the nearest bloke to ask for directions.

[Here's a kindly looking fella]

“Excuse me,” said Sheylara. “Could you please—”

“Ahh,” interrupted the kindly old man. “Just the person I wanted to see, my dear. Would you be a dear and fetch me a rolling pin, a meat cleaver and a roll of leather?”

“Wha—?”

“Well, I’m afraid they’re rather scattered all around. A couple of punks stole them and tossed them around, would you believe? I’m sure you can find them for me, though, wouldn’t you, please?”

“What is wrong with this world!” Sheylara exploded. “Why is everyone asking me to fetch stuff?”

Looking a little shocked, the kindly old man said, “Oh, but I do say!”

“Say what?” Sheylara challenged.

Fidgeting, the old man looked a little uncomfortable. “Say… mm… that is, wouldn’t you fetch my meat cleaver? I’m in a bit of a hurry for it, that is.”

Confounded and utterly confused, Sheylara looked up in the sky for guidance.

There, she saw, a giant celetial arrow pointing the way.

[Really handy]

“Wha—” said she, doing a double take.

The arrow in the sky giggled quietly and whispered, “Follow me!”

Amazed, Sheylara followed the arrow. It led her to…

…a meat cleaver.

[Someone forgot to clean it]

(To be continued next week…)

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Someone won a 1GB thumbdrive!

Congratulations, junkie! He wins this for simply asking a question!

[All his!!]

Read on to the next section to see his winning question. It’s funny!

(Thanks for all your entries. They’re funny, too, of course! I will be answering them… as and when. lol.)

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Ask Sheylara

Today’s Ask Sheylara is dedicated to funny questions because I feel like funny tonight. We will resume seriousness next week. Or not.

junkie asks a funny question:

Who would win in a fight, the Goonfather or Sheylara?

Sheylara Says:

Tsk tsk… you kids should stop playing games because it makes you think of fighting all the time!

I’m joking, of course.

Me and the Goonfather fight all the time, in game and out of game. In game, we fight over how he always gets us killed because he has a subconscious death wish. Out of game, we fight over whether the room should be done in pink or black.

Neither of us ever wins because we get always distracted by games and ignore everything else.

Note, however, that fighting is very much discouraged. Thank you.

Fx asks a silly question:

Are the breasts in AoC sharp enuff to stab someone to death?

Sheylara Says:

That depends on whether one is wearing armor or not, and also depends on the shape and sharpness of the armor itself. Breasts, by themselves, however can be excellent murder weapons without the need for stabbing.

I cannot teach you the ways here but I’ll give you a hint. It has to do with men running off cliffs or running into the arms of an epic mob or running into an electrical fence… while in a state of distraction.

modchip asks an absurd question:

If there were some sort of a doomsday attack on earth, and you and the Goonfather were the only ones who survived this, and everything else obliterated exept for a classic NES, all the NES titles, a TV, and a generator with 1 hour worth of power, what 2 player NES title would you play for 1 hour?

Sheylara Says:

Why would anyone waste the last hour of power on earth on stupid NES games?? The Goonfather would fashion a modem out of the NES and contact other survivors on the other end of the earth because that’s how it always happens in the movies.

We’d arrange to travel halfway to meet and then die trying because halfway around the world is a little bit far, to be sure.

thiang asks a serious question:

How did you put the online Guitar Hero on your blog?

Sheylara Says:

(I just thought I should throw this in even though it’s funny day and this isn’t a funny question.)

The embedding code is embedded in the widget! lol. Click on Play Game, click on Grab Code, click on Copy Code to Clipboard, paste in your blog!

Thank you for your questions! Sheylara will answer more questions next week. Keep ’em coming!

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Win exclusive movie tickets and a PS3!

I’m inviting eight lucky readers to attend an exclusive event with me next Wednesday (June 18, 6pm to 9pm) at the Cathay Cineplex!

Here’s what you’ll experience at the event:

  1. Unveiling of the new Sony CineAlta 4K Digital Cinema System at The Cathay Cineplex.

    [Let's get some clarity, baby]

    Cathay will be the first ever digital cinema in Singapore, screening ultra-high resolution movies, and you will be the first to experience it!

  2. Play PS3 on the big screen and maybe win it!

    [Take me home, baby]

    You will get a chance to play a PlayStation 3 game on the big screen! One winner will even go home with a PlayStation 3! Aww, sweet!

  3. Sneak preview screening of You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, starring Adam Sandler.

    [Watch me, baby]

    Watch this movie on the CineAlta 4K, one day before everyone else in Singapore!

  4. Meet Sheylara!

    [Meet me]

    Okay, fine, I’m not really a highlight. But you’ll get to meet me and ask me all your questions in person!

    Also, meet my other readers! You guys can get together and complain or gossip about me or whatever.

  5. Free food and drinks!

    I’m not sure what’s being served but there will be refreshments, at least!

Alrighty. And here’s how you can win a ticket!

  • Post a comment here telling us why you want to attend this event.
  • Please do so only if you can and will attend the event if you win! (It’s on June 18, 6pm.)
  • Closing date is Tuesday, June 17, 2008, 2pm!
  • The eight most deserving entries will be picked!

I’m really excited about this event! Can’t wait for it! =)

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Well, I’m feeling stupendously dizzy now. Producing an issue of Gamer Girl Friday always does that to me.

That’s why I’m not going to ramble on anymore. The weekend is here and I’ve got even more work to do. Haha.

No rest for the wicked, yada dada doo.

[Gamer Girl Friday]

GGF#3: Monsters invading my bedroom

[Gamer Girl Friday]

The irony of being a gaming writer/editor and generally working in the gaming industry is that one hardly gets to play games because one gets so busy with work.

I’m reading and writing about games more than I’m actually playing them, which is a dreadful shame. Can you believe that I’m only level 7 in Age of Conan and I got that game about 10 days ago?

Well, I suppose there’s always Rock Band. I try to keep my weekend evenings free to jam with my friends and we’d play till the wee hours of the morning.

I love my life, nevertheless (when I’m not being hassled by idiots).

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Table of Contents

  1. Monsters invading my bedroom
  2. Enter the World of Wifecraft
  3. Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Part II
  4. Ninja Gaiden II gameplay (sneak preview!)
  5. Someone won the mystery prize
  6. Six more days to win Grand Theft Auto IV!
  7. Ask Sheylara
  8. Win a Ninja Gaiden II game!

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Monsters invading my bedroom

So, the Goonfather has been addicted to the silliest of games for over two weeks now, playing it every night before going to bed.

It’s one of those cheap arcade games you can download from the PlayStation 3 Network for a ridiculously low price, which just goes to show that it’s a silly game.

[All your, um, trees are belong to us]

It’s called Pixel Junk Monsters, supposedly inspired by the ever-popular Tower Defense. The Goonfather claims that it’s gotten the whole world addicted to it.

You play this old man who looks like a cross between a tortoise and a spoon.

I am totally not joking.

[It's a busy world]

Your whole sad mission in life is to repeatedly protect a bunch of ugly-looking baby freaks from getting eaten by wave after wave of invading monsters.

[We are freaks, hear us squeak]

As a side note, I would like to comment that the monsters are infinitely better looking than the tortoise man and his sad babies.

[Panda bears]

Those freakish babies, may I inform you, do not add value at all to your existence as a tortoise man because they just jiggle around in a corner and don’t even lift a finger to help you (assuming they have fingers) and just meekly get eaten by monsters without putting up half a fight.

[Save the trees!]

When I watch the game, I feel terribly sad for the tortoise man (who the Goonfather informed me is not actually a tortoise but a village chieftain wearing a shield on his back). Every second of the game, you’re making him scurry around the screen frantically, performing any one of the following tasks:

  1. Turn trees into artillery towers to shoot at monsters that come close.
  2. Pick up coins and gems dropped by dead monsters before they disappear.
  3. Stand in a tower and do a silly awkward dance rivalling William Hung’s virgin performance. Towers get upgraded when you’ve danced long enough in them.
  4. Unlock new artillery with the coins/gems you pick up.
  5. Try not to get eaten by the monsters yourself.

It’s a simple game that’s not simple, if you get what I mean. The levels get harder and babies get eaten faster.

[Winter is when summer is not]

I don’t know about you, but I’d just let the babies get eaten and then I can wash my hands off ’em and run off to Maui to relax on the beach with all the coins I picked up from the dead monsters.

I don’t know. Some people are just weird.

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Enter the World of Wifecraft

This video is a must-watch for everyone, gamer or not. While being kookily entertaining, it also explores a very serious social problem that has plagued humanity since MMORPGs were invented.

It’s the problem of spousal neglect resulting from MMORPG addiction. This video offers a solution… or not.

It’s not exactly rofl-funny, but it’s very, very amusing. I love how these men have name and guild tags above their heads! Haha!

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Pt II

Read Part I first

Sheylara and her new friend, Casilda, had been trekking through the jungle for a few hours now. Hot and thirsty, the girls decided to stop for a drink.

[She waited for the brick to fall]

“Hey!” Casilda suddenly shouted out. “I know a shortcut to the city!”

“Why didn’t you say so earlier?”

“Well… it isn’t exactly the safest route.”

“Forget it, then. I don’t want to get hacked again.”

The girls were silent for a moment before Casilda ventured again. “If we took that shortcut, we could get there so much faster…”

“No.”

“But…”

“No.”

“I’ll help you beat away the mobs. C’mon.”

So, it was that Sheylara allowed herself to be talked into taking that shortcut.

[It was a nice and sunny day out]

[The pigs had been at it again]

As she stepped hesitantly through the arched opening, Sheylara had a feeling that something wasn’t right.

She was right.

“YUAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” was the next thing she heard, and then…

[It was a refreshing bloodbath]

“To arms! To arms!” cried Sheylara. “Flank my right!”

The intended recipient of her cries, unfortunately, had considered and promptly rejected Sheylara’s suggestion of strategic flanking, preferring instead to hang back and offer help by applauding.

[Everyone needs an audience]

“Oooh, fierce!” clapped Casilda, her eyes widening in both fear and delight.

“CASIIIIIILLLDAAAAAA!” shrieked Sheylara, and then she could speak no more.

[The air smells fresher at the bottom]

“WTF,” said Sheylara’s corpse.

“Oh dear, oh dear,” fussed Casilda. “What a mess. You’ve got gore all over your new swimsuit.”

Sheylara would have strangled Casilda if her corpse had been able to move. “I am dead and you’re worried about gore on my swimsuit!?!?!”

“Awfully sorry, mate,” said Casilda. “I’ll, uh, I’ll keep watch here while you release and run back, okay?”

Muttering curses under her non-existent breath, Sheylara released back to her spawn point and started trekking back. She had half a mind to leave the dumb blonde to her own devices, but she needed someone to show her the way to Tortage.

Sighing wearily, Sheylara made her way back to Casilda.

“No more shortcuts!” demanded Sheylara, once kind-hearted and innocent, now still reasonably kind-hearted but not quite so innocent anymore.

“Alright, alright!” said Casilda amiably.

The scenic route to Tortage took the two girls the better half of the day but they eventually arrived at an impressively intimidating gateway.

[Blue skies, nothing but blue skies every day]

“Oooh, the city of Tortage!” Sheylara sucked in a deep breath of awe.

[The city that never sleeps]

Excitedly but reverently, Sheylara pushed open the gate and stepped through.

[The natural city]

“What kind of city is this?” sputtered Sheylara. “There’s nothing but trees!”

“We’re not there yet. This is only the city perimeter.”

“Oh.”

The girls continued walking and came upon a https://www.nafsiyat.org.uk/buy-cialis/ road sign pointing the way to the city.

[That way to the rest of your life]

“I feel cheated,” said Sheylara. “I thought we were there already. I’m tired.”

“Aww, don’t,” Casilda said. “Tell you what, I’ll do your hair to make you feel better!”

“Well, I don’t…” began Sheylara.

She stopped abruptly as the real city gate of Tortage loomed before her.

[She considered the best way to scale them walls]

“Is this is?” Sheylara eyed the structure suspiciously.

“Yes!” beamed Casilda.

“Ooh!” Sheylara danced with joy. “Let’s hurry! I’m dying for a cream soda!”

“But what about that hairdo?”

“I really don’t…”

“You want to look your best when you enter the city, don’t you? Think of the hundreds of barbarians you’re going to meet!”

“Well… okay.”

“Awesome!”

So, Casilda did magic with her fingers and transformed Sheylara into a new barbarian. Her job done, the sometimes hairstylist clapped her hands to her ample bosom and gushed proudly. “It’s sooooo beautiful!”

“Lemme see! Lemme see!” cried Sheylara as she skipped to the nearest pond to look.

[The makeover took a really long time]

“OMG,” said the relatively kind-hearted and still a little innocent Sheylara. “What have you done?! I’m a…”

“Blonde!” finished Casilda.

“But…but…”

“Haven’t you heard?” smiled Casilda sagely. “Blondes have more fun!”

(To be continued next week…)

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Ninja Gaiden II gameplay (sneak preview!)

I know you guys can’t wait for the launch, so here’s a short teaser clip of the Ninja Gaiden II gameplay, showing Ryu Hayabusa fight his way to the first boss!

If you click on the screen to go to the YouTube page, you can select the high quality video option.

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Someone won the mystery prize

Last week, as a side contest, I invited readers to rank the three major consoles in answer to another reader’s question.

I am pleased to announce metal_spider as the winner of this contest!

Thank you for your answer. You win the mystery prize of a PSP pouch!

Front view:
[Front]

Back view:
[Back]

It’s a soft pouch. It looks crumpled because it’s new.

Congratulations, metal_spider!

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Six more days to win Grand Theft Auto IV!

There is still time left to try and win yourself a Grand Theft Auto IV box for the Xbox 360!

[Grand Theft Auto IV]

Click here to read the rules if you’ve forgotten all about it.

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Ask Sheylara

Ask me any gaming-related questions! Post them in the comments or e-mail me, I don’t really care. I will try to answer all questions (unless I get like 500 questions a day).

ToughGuy asks an irrelevant question:

Will you marry me?

Sheylara Says:

Um…. no, not really. Awfully nice of you to ask, though. NEXT!!

Jason Ng asks an Xbox 360 question:

Can you recommend me some Xbox 360 games that are must-buy? Anything but FPS games cos I don’t like them.

Sheylara Says:

Here are some of the more popular non-FPS Xbox 360 titles:

Ninja Gaiden II (coming June 4)
Grand Theft Auto IV
Assassin’s Creed
Mass Effect
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Lost Odyssey

Why not try some FPS, though. The Halo series is one of the best-selling titles exclusive to the Xbox and it’s really a shame for an Xbox owner not to have played it. Try Halo 3, the latest in the series, at least!

Bunnie asks a Rock Band question:

I read that you play Rock Band. Can you share how to become better at playing it? I like it but always can’t catch up with the notes.

Sheylara Says:

Uh… how do you get better at anything? Practice lah. For any instrument you choose to play, start with the easiest songs on Easy mode. Play each song until you can get it almost perfect, then move on.

If there are segments that keep causing you to lose marks, go into Training mode and play the song on a slower speed. Gradually increase the speed and practice until you can play it with your eyes close.

Any specific questions and answers you want to read in Ask Sheylara? Well, ask Sheylara! You can use a pseudonym if you don’t want your name to be splashed all over here.

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Win a Ninja Gaiden II game!

Why, yes, I just happen to have another game to give away this week, you lucky fellas!

I don’t want to make it a habit and spoil you, but I gotta give ’em away as I get them, don’t I?

This week’s prize is a Ninja Gaiden II game, exclusive for the Xbox 360!

[Ryu Hayabusa demands royalties for his appearance]

How to win this week’s prize

  1. Tell me something funny or interesting you’ve encountered as a gamer, whether in real life or ingame (no word count requirement).
  2. Post it in the comments here by June 3, 2008, 11:59 pm
  3. A lucky draw will be conducted to pick a winner from all entries.

Once I’ve got a winner, I will contact you via e-mail immediately and try to arrange to give you your prize on June 4 so you can own the game on the very first day of game release!

Exciting, no?

Well, obviously, if the winner is from overseas, you’ll just have to wait till the prize gets mailed to you.

Now, get to it! This contest lasts only four days!

[Back to Table of Contents]

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I wonder if anyone ever reads this bit at the end.

Because Gamer Girl Friday is such a physically long entry, I have a thought that most people just stop reading halfway and go away. Some might read selectively by clicking on only the topics they’re interested in (since I’ve so helpfully incorporated a very convenient navigation system for yous).

Well, if no one’s reading this, should I be shortening my keyboard’s lifespan by typing away here just for the sake of having a last word?

That’s kind of a rhetorical question, but you can answer it if you like, if only to prove me wrong about there being no one reading this.

Have a fantastic weekend!

[Gamer Girl Friday]