role

Did you get the role?

- Sheylara 15 Comments

I don’t normally like to talk about my auditions or, if I do talk about them, I try to talk about them in non-specific terms, not naming anything or anyone, so that people won’t know which auditions I passed and which I didn’t.

One reason I don’t like to talk about auditions is because people always ask stupid questions like “Did you get the role?” on the very day of the audition.

I have news for everyone. Film auditions are just like job interviews. They don’t tell you on the spot whether they’re giving you the job, because

a) they still have more applicants to see after you, duh,

b) they need time to hire a PI to do a background check on you,

c) they want to go home and consult their dogs first. “Wag your tail if you like this girl.”

Or whatever.

This is not rocket science. It’s common sense.

Sometimes, they take months to decide. Gasp. Just like any other job interview, you don’t say, would you like fries with that?

Another reason I don’t like to talk about auditions is because people like to follow up, as early as a day later.

One day later…

“So, did you get the role?”

I get asked the same question every day for the next ten days by different people. Sometimes by the same people.

I don’t know if I got the role! I just auditioned for heaven’s sake!

What’s with this insatiable desire to know whether I got the role or not??

Who cares? If I got the role, you’ll read about it on my blog. You’ll see me on TV. You’ll see me on film, on YouTube, on the papers, wherever.

Making me go through the same conversation a million times will not enrich either of our lives.

“So, did you get the role?”

“Yes.”

“Congrats! I knew you could do it!”

“Thanks!”

“So, what’s for dinner?”

Or…

“So, did you get the role?”

“No.”

“Oh. Well, I’m sure you’ll get the next one.”

Yes of course I will get the next one! I just don’t need to go through this conversation two hundred times a month!!

Another thing is, it’s very unpleasant to talk about failure. In showbiz, they say that a 20% success rate is the standard.

You must understand that actors go for auditions all the time. Sometimes every day. Sometimes three or four times a day. And, sometimes, a thousand people are gunning for the same job.

So, a 20% success rate is pretty golden.

But, on the flip side, it means that you have to report failure 80% of the time.

And you’re reporting failure a lot because your friends won’t stop asking you, “Did you get the role?”

I repeat, it’s very unpleasant to talk about failure. Or be reminded of it.

I don’t want to have to say “No, I didn’t get it,” eight out of 10 times, you understand?

So, anyway, I haven’t gone for an audition in months because I’ve been busy with my new media work. But I went for one on Thursday and I will talk about it soon. Just don’t ask me whether I got the role.

Because I don’t know.

Taking on an ugly role

- Sheylara 7 Comments

For a limited time only, come and watch Sheylara in an ugly role!

I’m performing in this 10-minute play called Rats, in which I’m an ugly rat.

Sort of.

I’ll be dressed kind of like a three-way cross between an old spinster, a dominatrix and a rat (if there’s such a thing as a three-way cross, which I believe not, but which is also beside the point).

I haven’t tried on the full costume but I can imagine I’m going to be a frightful sight.

The character I’m playing is also the most un-me character I’ve ever played. I shock myself during rehearsals. I’m, like, “Where the hell did that come from?”

I know acting is about not being yourself. But in most roles to date, I’ve always been able to find something in each character that I can identify with, in order to play it with some truth.

But this role really stumped me and it took me quite a while to wrap myself around it.

Nevertheless, it’s a freaking fun role and I’m enjoying the hell out of it, even if it makes me look ugly.

Here’s a rehearsal photo:

[It didn't work, no matter how many times they tried]

(I’m the one in the middle, in orange, in case you can’t recognise me.)

We’re not in costume, of course. And I was wearing my kunoichi hair because I had a Ninja Gaiden II press visit to attend right after this rehearsal.

Here’s another picture:

[The library fine was too overdue to be overlooked]

I have a zillion ugly expressions in this play.

You can probably tell that it’s a comedy.

An amazingly obnoxious comedy at that.

I bet you want to watch it!!

I’ll be performing at NAFA (Campus 3) nightly from June 5 till June 8 (with one additional matinee performance on June 8), as part of the Short+Sweet festival.

Buy your tickets here!!

Be forewarned that my play is only 10 minutes long, so don’t say I cheat you! If you buy a ticket, you’ll be getting 10 10-minute plays, totalling two hours including a break.

Come and support me! Limited time only! ;)

[Smile and everlasting smile, etc]

By the way, I’ll be a Funan today (12-2pm and 4-6pm) making my last appearances as a kunoichi.

Acting the office slut

- Sheylara 30 Comments

The other day, I received a call inviting me to audition for the role of an office slut.

“Office slut? Hahaha…” I said.

“We have three roles, actually,” the producer said quickly. “The office slut is the leading role. Well, she’s not really an office slut. More like a sexy bombshell who attracts all the guys. There’s also a pretty bimbo and a smart accountant.”

When I got to the production office, I was given scripts and asked to read for all three roles. Although they had initially invited me to audition for the office slut aka hot mama role, both director and producer thought I was more suitable for pretty bimbo upon meeting me. They also considered me for smart accountant because they needed someone with good diction for that role.

A few days later, I got a call telling me I’ve got the leading role of the Hot Mama.

Huh?

I don’t have a sexy bone in my body, wat? I don’t even have cleavage. But I happily accepted the role. A job’s a job, y’know?

It was a three-day shoot for a corporate video. We were supposed to act out several funny skits to showcase a well-known company’s office equipment products. The video would be shown at an event for business associates.

Corporate videos are usually boring jobs. But this job was just awesome. The script was funny and fun to act in. The crew was friendly and jovial, the director had a great sense of humour and kidded around with us, the cast got along well. I was quite sorry when the three days ended.

Two of the actors were people i’ve worked with before.

There’s Peer, who was Master Chief at my Halo 3 jobs. He played the boss of this dysfunctional company we work at, and he was damn funny at it.

Unfortunately, I didn’t take a photo of him because I only took out my camera on the third day and Peer wasn’t on set on that day. Sheesh.

There’s Fish, with whom I’ve worked countless times. Including the Halo 3 job! Yeah, he was there, too, as one of the marines.

Fish played the role of Handsome Guy. Isn’t he handsome? Incidentally, you can catch Fish in the latest Singaporean movie, Truth Be Told, starring Yvonne Lim. Go watch! Support local productions!

We rested in this room whenever we weren’t needed.

This meeting room had been turned into a holding area, makeup unit, dining room and rest lounge. We spent the time here joking with each other when it wasn’t our turn to be filmed.

Fish pretended to be a job interviewee.

I camwhored.

How fun.

One of my scenes involved a photoshoot in corporate clothes where I had to flirt with Fish’s character.

The role was really quite a stretch for me. Really lah! I look nothing like a hot mama and my clothes are wrong. But it was a rush job and we had to make do.

The result of the mock photoshoot:

Group shot! Me and Fish with the crew:

The other actors weren’t involved in this scene so they were resting in the holding area.

Here’s Judy (with Fish), who played the Pretty Bimbo:

And Janna (right), who played the Smart Accountant:

This was when they just arrived and haven’t gotten into costume yet.

We did this funny scene where we were all talking on the phone at the same time.

It was hilarious. In fact, the whole three days were hilarious. Comedy is so fun!

Director Zul is a superman. Apart from being the director and scriptwriter, he is also the DOP and cameraman.

For this scene, he took on one more role: soundman.

This is the first time I’ve seen anyone operate a camera and boom mike at the same time on a panning shot! It was amazing but so funny!

There was a lot of lighthearted banter between takes.

When the crew was busy setting up, Sani (who played the Office Secretary and my character’s main love interest) put on a straight face and asked the director, “Director, what’s my motivation for this scene?”

Which was funny because it’s a bit redundant to use motivations (an acting technique) for a short comic corporate video.

Laughter all around.

“Your motivation is to do a good take so I won’t fire your ass,” said Zul.

More laughter.

I’m paraphrasing the director, of course. I don’t remember his exact answer but it was funny like that.

Inspired thus, Sani decided to give an impromptu Acting 101 lecture. He put on this stupid accent and launched into his lecture to no one in particular.

Of course, he didn’t expect me to switch my camera to video-capturing mode. I captured a minute of his silliness before he realised that someone was videotaping him.

Hahaha!

Will post the video tomorrow. Watch out for it!

Presenting Shen Qiaoyun… the famous nobody

- Sheylara 29 Comments

Since I am not a famous actress and no one is going to give me rave reviews for my performance in I Not Stupid Too, I shall do it myself!

I was a certified journalist so I should be more than qualified to give official reviews, shouldn’t I? Even if it’s of myself.

So, here goes.

Shen Qiaoyun — The Review

Making a surprise appearance in hit movie I Not Stupid Too is actress Shen Qiaoyun (formerly known and credited in the movie as Serena Sim).

Ms Shen simply sizzles on the silver screen. Yes, she is hot because her character has a bun in the oven and she looks like she should be lying down on the delivery bed instead of gallivanting around with a bunch of hyperactive kids.

For her role of a conservative pregnant primary school teacher, the youthful-looking actress sacrificed her “Act Cute in Baby Tee” specialty…

…to put on a maternity dress and horn-rimmed glasses.

And it is a worthy sacrifice because the actress really stands out in the movie. That is, her belly really stands out. She has many speaking lines, which, in showbiz terms, means “significant role (but not significant enough to be named in press releases)”.

In fact, this reviewer would find it a daunting challenge if asked to pick a line delivered by the actress that could possibly be Oscar material — there are so many. Should it be the line that goes “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8”, when she counts time for the children for a dance performance, or the one that goes, “2, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8”?

Regardless, it is now clearly evident that Ms Shen can count. To at least eight.

And it is only a matter of time before she receives her pre-school graduation certificate.

On Monday, Jan 16, after the gala premiere of the long-awaited sequel to 2002’s I Not Stupid, a few members of the audience could be heard raving over the actress, who is well on her way to graduating from her showbiz status of “Not So Famous” to “Still Not Famous Yet”.

“Acting is quite natural except for some parts!”

“Looks like a mother!”

“Who the hell are you talking about?!”

These were some of the phrases uttered in praise of the illustrious actress.

Asked to comment on her own performance, Ms Shen said, “I am very relieved that I don’t look as bad on the big screen as I expected I would.”

Pressed further, the actress revealed that she had her hands up at her face throughout the movie in anticipation of cowering in embarrassment whenever she appeared on screen.

Such endearing modesty.

The actress went so far as to disguise herself at the gala premiere so that no one would recognise her as the pregnant teacher in the movie.

Ms Shen was spotted at the cocktail reception emulating Emily, her favourite merchandise mascot.

But her identity was revealed when she was later seen heading towards the theatre seat bearing her name.

Some of the actors were visibly upset by this invasion of privacy.

“Oh my god, our names are on the seats! This is so embarrassing,” said an actor who refused to be named.

Ms Shen, however, graciously took the infringement in her stride because all eyes were on the main stars of the show a few seats away, anyway. Nobody noticed when she busied herself by peering into the goodie bag generously contributed by SingTel and other sponsors.

Watch out for more of Ms Shen’s appearances on TV and cinema screens as the actress lends her presence to any production that can afford her daily rate — an amount somewhere in the vicinity of the gross national product of a developed anthill.

Indeed, I Not Stupid Too, directed by the multi-talented director Jack Neo, is all the more richer with Ms Shen’s involvement because she will be elevating box office takings by forcing all her friends, relatives and neighbours to watch the movie.

I Not Stupid Too launches in cinemas on Jan 26, 2006.

The one where I get roasted alive

- Sheylara 11 Comments

The powers-that-be must think that I’m not tanned enough.

Actually, tanned is an understatement.

Hot on the heels of this heat-stroke-inducing four-day-shoot for a short film…

Production still for independent short film

…comes this shoot that effectively burnt the entire cast and crew to a delicious crisp.

Production still for Changi Beach Club TV commerical

It was so hot yesterday the top of our heads got melted away. Now, I’m waiting for my brains to grow back. Which means that, today, I’m a blonde. (With the wrong hair colour.)

So you’ll pardon me if I start cracking corny jokes.

A man walks into a bar…

Ouch.

Now, all jokes aside, my mission today is to regale you with beautifully shot photographs taken on the Changi Beach Club boardwalk. We were there to shoot a TV commercial for (yes!) Changi Beach Club.

You must ignore the blurry, dull quality of the photos because the shots were taken with my crap phone camera.

But you must at the same time marvel at the beauty of the shots. Credit goes to my friend, Vamp, who was part of the crew, and who got loaded with the unpleasant task of taking pictures for me with my crap phone camera.

We weren’t even posing for her. She got all these while we were in motion, acting for the video camera.

Unfortunately for you, my curious reader, I didn’t give Vamp the phone while we were shooting the pool scene. So you won’t get to see me in a swimsuit until the commercial airs on TV.

That will give you the incentive to watch TV 24/7 to try and catch a glimpse of my bikini clad self (just so you can point and laugh), won’t it?

But I did take one picture at the pool.

You know this one was taken by me instead of by Stef because it’s a thoughtless shot captured randomly with nary a thought for photographic aesthetry. (I just made that last word up because it sounds kind of right in this circumstance. Don’t try it at home, kids.)

And a self-portrait.

Anyway, we caught the morning to noon sun at the pool. My scenes mostly had me lying on the lounge chair and getting baked alive.

Literally, mind you. You could fry an egg off the heat, I swear.

We then caught the noon to early afternoon sun at the beach. By that time, my brains were so addled that I forgot to take pictures.

After a whole day of being fried at various locations of the club, the sun went down.

That was when the crew decided to fry us with filming lights.

Yes, we were all burnt toast by the time they were finished with us.

But that’s okay because, for the sake of my art (and TV exposure and a fat cheque), I will happily endure the harshest conditions.

It was a great shoot, anyway. The crew was friendly and funny, the club hosts were very welcoming and the food was soooo good.

Nevertheless, I’m going to stay indoors until I grow some new brain cells and a new set of skin.