Patapon: Cutest game in the world

At first, I thought that the Goonfather had lost all his marbles.

He sat at his desk, chanting to himself.

“Pata pata pata pon… pata pata pata pon… pata pata pata pon.”

“Stop it!” I told him, “You sound retarded!”

“Hey!” he objected. “It’s a PSP game. Looks cool. Maybe I should get it.”

Then he went on chanting while I rolled my eyes to let him know what I thought of his patapon.

A few days later, the Goonfather slumped into the bean bag with his PSP while I was working on my computer.

After a while, his PSP started chanting, “Pata pata pata pon…”

OMG, he got the damn game. I buried my face in my hands and wept silently while, in the background, “pata pata pata pon” droned on merrily.

Shortly after.

We were in bed one night performing our nightly ritual (the Goonfather on his PSP, me reading a book) when, once again, I heard that confounded “pata pata pata pon” squeaking off his tinny PSP speakers.

What could possess a grown man to suffer such hideously cute drummings in the ear? Curiosity rolled me over to his side of the bed to peer at his PSP screen.

What the hell. As I watched the game, I started laughing and couldn’t stop.

Patapon is the cutest game I’ve ever seen. When I first heard the chanting, I was irritated by the whole cheesiness of it. But seeing it is altogether different.

In the game, you control a tribe of little eyeball soldiers. YES, EYEBALLS. With tiny little arms holding tiny little weapons. Absolutely cute! It’s a rhythm game, so you beat out relevant rhythms on your PSP to command the little eyeballs (to march, attack, defend or retreat).

Each time after you beat out a rhythm, your little patapons will chant the rhythm while they perform your command, so you get an endless loop of chants that go, “Pata pata pata pon… pon pon pata pon.”

It’s a simple game with a simple premise but it’s hypnotically captivating. I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. I couldn’t wait to hear the next chant. I couldn’t stop delighting as I looked upon the cute little eyeball patapons. I couldn’t stop laughing at the funny things they were saying.

They’re talkative, the little patapons. Speech bubbles pop out continuously as they comment on the battle or on your playing (they’ll complain if you suck).

The Goonfather is known as Lord Goon in the game. Hahahahaha.

I haven’t actually played it myself. I don’t think it’s fun because it looks pretty monotonous, being a side-scrolling game with only one floor to march through in each mission. The Goonfather is addicted to it, but I only like looking at the patapons and hearing their cute chantings. I don’t actually want to play it.

You can go to the official Patapon website to hear the chant.

Or you can watch this YouTube trailer.

While you’re at it, check out this funny TV commercial showing cute Japanese girls playing the game. At least, I think it’s funny. I don’t know because I don’t understand Japanese.

Can someone tell me what they’re saying??

Yesterday, I was at McDonald’s when I suddenly heard a soft “Pata pata pata pon!” straining under the noisy Sunday chatter and radio music blaring in the restaurant.

I pricked my ears (sorta like a dog except I can’t actually move my ears) and there it was again.

“Pata pata pata pon!”

A little girl was saying it.

I finally traced the sound to this table where an Indian man sat with his three kids. The man and his son were both playing a PSP each.

The little girl was watching her daddy play while she chanted nonstop, “Pata pata pata pon,” in time with the music.

OMG.

If I were her daddy, I would strangle her.

It’s super irritating when you hear someone chant it. Actually, the music/chanting in the game is also super irritating if you’re only hearing it. You have to watch the gameplay at the same time in order to appreciate the cuteness.

The Goonfather hasn’t played it for a few days because he’s now addicted to Dynasty Warriors 6 on the PS3 and God of War on the PSP.

But he’s very easy to influence. He’ll probably feel the urge to play it again after reading this blog. Then I’ll get to see more cute patapons!

Sly, eh?

Who let the goon out?

Today, the Goonfather said to me, “You’re evil.

“I read your blog and you made me tempted to play WoW.”

So my jaw hung open a little as I stared at him for a good measure of time. And then I gave him the narrow eye.

I said, “That’s crazy, because all I talked about in my blog was the graphics. And you, YOU were the one complaining about WoW graphics. You hate the graphics, remember?”

The Goonfather is silly like that. Which is why he’s called the Goonfather, incidentally.

About a month ago, he reactivated his EverQuest 2 (EQ2) account because all our friends were going back to EQ2. A new expansion pack, Kingdom of Sky (KoS), had just come out, which allows your character to gain alternate advancement levels. If you don’t buy the expansion, you are, to put it simply, gimped, and wasting your time playing EQ2.

Mr Goon didn’t buy KoS because he’s saving up to buy his RX8 (which will probably happen when the cows come home). Also, at the same time, he was contemplating buying a PlayStation Portable (PSP), something he’d been contemplating a very, very long time (about as long as Rip Van Winkle slept).

So, for the Goonfather, the choice situation was something like this:

1. Get KoS (because I can’t play EQ2 without it).

2. Get PSP (because my reservist is coming up and I need it to bring to camp).

3. Don’t get either and just save the money (for when the cows come home).

My advice was: Get KoS because it’s cheaper than PSP and certainly much cheaper than an RX8. Also so that you’ll quit bugging me about being bored.

Most logical, I would think.

Every day, I said to him, “Get KoS for goodness’ sake and stop brooding.”

Every day, he said, “Noooooooo! I must resist the dark side!”

After two weeks of that, what do you know, he bought KoS, a few days before his reservist.

It was a ding gratz moment. I was happy for him. I was happy for me. Peace at last.

Two days after that, the Goonfather came to me smiling like a sunflower.

“I bought my PSP!” he proclaimed.

I was, like, “HELLO?! You just got KoS!!”

“Yeah, but I need something to bring to reservist. I can’t bring KoS.”

“Yeah, but your ass is so going to be in debt.”

“Yeah, but KoS is for playing at home. PSP is for the MRT and reservist.”

How do you argue with logic like that?

And here comes the best part.

The Goonfather has had the PSP for, I don’t know, three weeks now, and he has been playing it like it’s going to grow wings and fly away.

He plays PSP even at home.

I say to him, “Stop playing PSP! Go and play EQ2! You’re at home now! PSP is for playing outside!”

His reply: “Ya, but PSP is so fun!”

Another goon logic I cannot refute.

After a few days of my nagging, he’s come up with a brilliant plan.

He’s taken to playing both the PSP and EQ2 at the same time. How he does that, I don’t know. He sits in front of his computer screen where his EQ2 character is running away from mobs, while playing the PSP propped above his keyboard.

I have witnesses.

He is such a goon.

To make matters worse, of course, he has to tell me today that he wants to play WoW, now.

And then, he said, “I’m going to sing you the WoW song!”

And he sang, “Who let the orcs out! WoW WoW WoW WoW!”

Drown me.