I’ll be trying to keep GGF as short as possible, partly because it takes forever to load if it’s too long and has too many pictures, and partly because I have less time these days to play games and attend gaming events, resulting in having fewer things to blog about.
That kinda works out well, really. I’m sure you guys don’t really like reading blog entries that goes on forever, anyway.
So, I paid $129 for a Collector’s Edition Warhammer Online to enjoy the game way earlier than most of the world (about two weeks earlier).
Servers have been up for CE owners for one week already, but I’ve been so busy that all I’ve managed to learn about the game is that Witch Elves are damn sexy.
I was very disappointed with the game when I first logged in (although keeping in mind that the game is still in beta and it could very well still undergo a huge face lift just before retail.
The graphics and animation are so yesterday, the character faces are ugly, the costumes are horrible (except for the witch elves’) and the gameplay is messy.
The moment I logged in, I didn’t feel like playing anymore.
There is no friendly tutorial to introduce you to the world, with an introduction sequence and an NPC to tell you what’s up. Instead, you’re dumped right into the middle of chaos to figure it out yourself.
But I don’t want to be too judgemental at this point of time. The retail launch could surprise me yet.
And I did manage to take this rather nice screenshot.
And I had fun flying halfway around the world to meet up with some guildies so we could try creating a guild.
We’re playing on the Darklands server, in the Destruction realm. Send me a “hi” if you bump into me, although that will be quite rare.
It’s more of a demo, though, that gives you exactly five minutes of fun. And the gameplay is a very simplified version of the PSP’s game. But it has the same hysterical eyeballs oozing cuteness with every chant.
Go check it out if you want to get addicted and annoy your family.
So, the Goonfather has been addicted to the silliest of games for over two weeks now, playing it every night before going to bed.
It’s one of those cheap arcade games you can download from the PlayStation 3 Network for a ridiculously low price, which just goes to show that it’s a silly game.
It’s called Pixel Junk Monsters, supposedly inspired by the ever-popular Tower Defense. The Goonfather claims that it’s gotten the whole world addicted to it.
You play this old man who looks like a cross between a tortoise and a spoon.
I am totally not joking.
Your whole sad mission in life is to repeatedly protect a bunch of ugly-looking baby freaks from getting eaten by wave after wave of invading monsters.
As a side note, I would like to comment that the monsters are infinitely better looking than the tortoise man and his sad babies.
Those freakish babies, may I inform you, do not add value at all to your existence as a tortoise man because they just jiggle around in a corner and don’t even lift a finger to help you (assuming they have fingers) and just meekly get eaten by monsters without putting up half a fight.
When I watch the game, I feel terribly sad for the tortoise man (who the Goonfather informed me is not actually a tortoise but a village chieftain wearing a shield on his back). Every second of the game, you’re making him scurry around the screen frantically, performing any one of the following tasks:
Turn trees into artillery towers to shoot at monsters that come close.
Pick up coins and gems dropped by dead monsters before they disappear.
Stand in a tower and do a silly awkward dance rivalling William Hung’s virgin performance. Towers get upgraded when you’ve danced long enough in them.
Unlock new artillery with the coins/gems you pick up.
Try not to get eaten by the monsters yourself.
It’s a simple game that’s not simple, if you get what I mean. The levels get harder and babies get eaten faster.
I don’t know about you, but I’d just let the babies get eaten and then I can wash my hands off ’em and run off to Maui to relax on the beach with all the coins I picked up from the dead monsters.
Sheylara and her new friend, Casilda, had been trekking through the jungle for a few hours now. Hot and thirsty, the girls decided to stop for a drink.
“Hey!” Casilda suddenly shouted out. “I know a shortcut to the city!”
“Why didn’t you say so earlier?”
“Well… it isn’t exactly the safest route.”
“Forget it, then. I don’t want to get hacked again.”
The girls were silent for a moment before Casilda ventured again. “If we took that shortcut, we could get there so much faster…”
“I’ll help you beat away the mobs. C’mon.”
So, it was that Sheylara allowed herself to be talked into taking that shortcut.
As she stepped hesitantly through the arched opening, Sheylara had a feeling that something wasn’t right.
She was right.
“YUAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” was the next thing she heard, and then…
“To arms! To arms!” cried Sheylara. “Flank my right!”
The intended recipient of her cries, unfortunately, had considered and promptly rejected Sheylara’s suggestion of strategic flanking, preferring instead to hang back and offer help by applauding.
“Oooh, fierce!” clapped Casilda, her eyes widening in both fear and delight.
“CASIIIIIILLLDAAAAAA!” shrieked Sheylara, and then she could speak no more.
“WTF,” said Sheylara’s corpse.
“Oh dear, oh dear,” fussed Casilda. “What a mess. You’ve got gore all over your new swimsuit.”
Sheylara would have strangled Casilda if her corpse had been able to move. “I am dead and you’re worried about gore on my swimsuit!?!?!”
“Awfully sorry, mate,” said Casilda. “I’ll, uh, I’ll keep watch here while you release and run back, okay?”
Muttering curses under her non-existent breath, Sheylara released back to her spawn point and started trekking back. She had half a mind to leave the dumb blonde to her own devices, but she needed someone to show her the way to Tortage.
Sighing wearily, Sheylara made her way back to Casilda.
“No more shortcuts!” demanded Sheylara, once kind-hearted and innocent, now still reasonably kind-hearted but not quite so innocent anymore.
“Alright, alright!” said Casilda amiably.
The scenic route to Tortage took the two girls the better half of the day but they eventually arrived at an impressively intimidating gateway.
“Oooh, the city of Tortage!” Sheylara sucked in a deep breath of awe.
Excitedly but reverently, Sheylara pushed open the gate and stepped through.
“What kind of city is this?” sputtered Sheylara. “There’s nothing but trees!”
“We’re not there yet. This is only the city perimeter.”
The girls continued walking and came upon a road sign pointing the way to the city.
“I feel cheated,” said Sheylara. “I thought we were there already. I’m tired.”
“Aww, don’t,” Casilda said. “Tell you what, I’ll do your hair to make you feel better!”
“Well, I don’t…” began Sheylara.
She stopped abruptly as the real city gate of Tortage loomed before her.
“Is this is?” Sheylara eyed the structure suspiciously.
“Yes!” beamed Casilda.
“Ooh!” Sheylara danced with joy. “Let’s hurry! I’m dying for a cream soda!”
“But what about that hairdo?”
“I really don’t…”
“You want to look your best when you enter the city, don’t you? Think of the hundreds of barbarians you’re going to meet!”
So, Casilda did magic with her fingers and transformed Sheylara into a new barbarian. Her job done, the sometimes hairstylist clapped her hands to her ample bosom and gushed proudly. “It’s sooooo beautiful!”
“Lemme see! Lemme see!” cried Sheylara as she skipped to the nearest pond to look.
“OMG,” said the relatively kind-hearted and still a little innocent Sheylara. “What have you done?! I’m a…”
“Blonde!” finished Casilda.
“Haven’t you heard?” smiled Casilda sagely. “Blondes have more fun!”
Ask me any gaming-related questions! Post them in the comments or e-mail me, I don’t really care. I will try to answer all questions (unless I get like 500 questions a day).
ToughGuy asks an irrelevant question:
Will you marry me?
Um…. no, not really. Awfully nice of you to ask, though. NEXT!!
Jason Ng asks an Xbox 360 question:
Can you recommend me some Xbox 360 games that are must-buy? Anything but FPS games cos I don’t like them.
Here are some of the more popular non-FPS Xbox 360 titles:
Ninja Gaiden II (coming June 4)
Grand Theft Auto IV
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Why not try some FPS, though. The Halo series is one of the best-selling titles exclusive to the Xbox and it’s really a shame for an Xbox owner not to have played it. Try Halo 3, the latest in the series, at least!
Bunnie asks a Rock Band question:
I read that you play Rock Band. Can you share how to become better at playing it? I like it but always can’t catch up with the notes.
Uh… how do you get better at anything? Practice lah. For any instrument you choose to play, start with the easiest songs on Easy mode. Play each song until you can get it almost perfect, then move on.
If there are segments that keep causing you to lose marks, go into Training mode and play the song on a slower speed. Gradually increase the speed and practice until you can play it with your eyes close.
Any specific questions and answers you want to read in Ask Sheylara? Well, ask Sheylara! You can use a pseudonym if you don’t want your name to be splashed all over here.
I wonder if anyone ever reads this bit at the end.
Because Gamer Girl Friday is such a physically long entry, I have a thought that most people just stop reading halfway and go away. Some might read selectively by clicking on only the topics they’re interested in (since I’ve so helpfully incorporated a very convenient navigation system for yous).
Well, if no one’s reading this, should I be shortening my keyboard’s lifespan by typing away here just for the sake of having a last word?
That’s kind of a rhetorical question, but you can answer it if you like, if only to prove me wrong about there being no one reading this.