I need my long hair back!

Seems like I shouldn’t have cut my hair.

Recently, I was called up for a modelling job. I had gone for the audition two months ago when my hair was still long. The shoot was to showcase the different uniforms of a company throughout the decades and I was assigned to wear the 1960s costume.

Fortunately, the client didn’t dump me after knowing that I had cut my hair. So I still got to do the job. But I think my long hair would have been much better for the look they wanted to create. As it was, my hair just looked stupid that day.

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In September, I auditioned for the role of a Vietnamese bride. A month later, I went for a second audition and was told filming would begin early November.

November came and there was no news, so I thought I didn’t get the role.

Today, I got an e-mail informing me that the job is still pending and I’m still on the shortlist. And the shoot will be delayed till January.

Seems like I still have a good chance of getting the role (and it’s a good role, too) but my hair is now wrong and I don’t think they’re going to pick me after all. =(

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This week, I’m doing a modelling job for Sassyjan. It’s a four-day seminar/workshop for Sony HD video cameras and I sit there for hours in front of the cameras so that the workshop particpants have something alive to look at on their monitors while they’re playing with the cameras.

Anyway, Jan told me that the client likes models with long straight hair and bangs. Like my old hair.

Fortunately, I still got the job, but I think the client would have liked it better if I still had my old hair.

Speaking of the job, it’s really… indescribable. It sounds like easy money, getting paid to just sit there and do nothing.

But it is NOT easy.

YOU try sitting still on one spot with a friendly, smiling face for two hours at a stretch. You can’t move around too much because when they’re doing close-ups, your face will go out of frame if you move. They can’t experiment on camera settings properly if your face keeps disappearing out of frame.

I’ll admit that it’s a much easier task than to act like a statue (you know, like, those statue people in Orchard?). At least, for this job, I can blink. But it is horrendously boring to just sit there and do nothing for long periods of time. In the freezing cold.

It’s bloody COLD in the auditorium. Even the men feel cold in there. Even the ang mohs feel cold in there.

And I made a grave mistake today.

Because I was so bored out of my senses, I decided to count the money I was going to earn from sitting there, to motivate myself, give myself a reason to go on and to pass the time.

I imagined $1 coins flying past me and getting deposited into a big pot as I counted out the money I was going to receive.

How stupid can I get?

Very shortly after I started, the counting lulled me into a trance and I started feeling drowsy. I told myself I should stop before I fell asleep, but the stupid side of my brain insisted that it wouldn’t happen.

I haven’t even reached a hundred when I suddenly heard a voice saying, “Getting sleepy, huh?”

OMG caught out by a workshop participant.

That put a premature stop to my game and woke me up.

Once when I was in Melbourne, I saw live mannequins in a shopping mall. That is, real life models wearing the latest fashion, acting as mannequins. They had to sit or stand in position THE WHOLE DAY for the duration of the mall opening hours.

I can’t imagine how anyone can do that. The models were really good at it, too. Not a single movement or blink of an eye! Just imagining myself doing such a thing gives me the shudders.

Last day tomorrow! I am relieved!

Anyway, I hope no more jobs come in that need me to have long hair. I feel like a plaything, mindfucked and tossed about by fate, or God, or gods, I don’t know, whatever.

Between fame and rubbish exposure

Recently, I was shortlisted by a modelling agency to audition for a skincare TV commercial.

I doubt my skin is in any condition to endorse a skincare product so I didn’t think I had half a chance of getting the job. But I went anyway because auditions are good networking opportunities, whether or not you end up getting the job.

So I went to this production house and found out that they were doing another round of shortlisting before the final candidates are sent off to meet the real paying client.

Duh.

Production House Person was actually someone with whom I had worked in the past. She said, “Aiyah, you should have told me you were coming. I would have just sent you directly to the client, no need to waste your time come here.”

“Never mind lah,” I said. “I live nearby anyway.”

Lame.

I should have said something PR like, “Oh, I wanted to drop by and catch up with you.” But curry favouring has never been my forte and I never can do it spontaneously.

Anyway, PH Person told me that the client wanted a fresh face because the commercial is going to be one of those before-and-after thingys.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
Before: Ugly duckling from Pimple City

–> Use XYZ skincare!!

After: Magically become princess
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to appear on TV with a face full of fake pimples.

Besides, I’m not exactly a “fresh face”. But PH Person said to go anyway. So I did (the following week) and I met the other contenders.

There were three of them and they were all 19-year-old sweet-young-thing students, all innocent and fresh looking.

I felt like I had mistakenly taken part in a beauty contest for which I was overqualified. Not in the looks department, but age. As I sat there in the room, I waited to be disqualified.

Diiiing! You’re out you’re too old how the heck did you sneak into the finals?

I tried to blend in by not talking too much and giving myself away and I think they didn’t suspect a thing because one of them tried to start a conversation with me by asking me which school I was from.

After making us wait an hour, the client finally decided to see us. I went first because I was the first to arrive at the office. I was the only punctual one, in fact. As if that makes any difference.

When I entered the room, the first words from the client were, “You look very familiar. I’ve seen you on TV before.” Except that she didn’t know who I was nor where she’d seen me before.

Not surprising.

“You look familiar” is one of the most uttered phrases uttered to me, right up there with “How old are you?”

Yeah, yeah. I am 929 years old and I’m your second uncle’s twice-removed cousin’s colleague’s gynaecologist’s great grand aunt.

Well, Ms Client said that if people have seen me on TV before, the before-and-after ad might not be too convincing.

PH Person was there and tried to put a good word in for me by saying that I was the only one who could act, and they did want someone like that.

Then, there was the customary “we’ll let you know” bs and that was it.

I think I need plastic surgery to change my looks. Everyone and his garden rake finds me familiar looking.

But no one knows who I am.

I think that is really insulting. And saddening that I’m too “famous” to appear in certain TV commercials but not actually famous enough to get celebrity endorsements.

I am the unwanted middle child.

Oh, woe.

People stare at me on the streets because they find me familiar, so I have no privacy. I suffer the disadvantages of fame but do not enjoy the benefits.

Excuse me?

I think I must have messed up somewhere.

Drinking beer on the big screen

My blog is starting to get wordy, so it’s time for some blurry pictures taken by my handy i-mode phone.

This is MIA Bar at UE Square Shopping Mall. The MIA is short for Made In Ansfield, not Missing In Action, as most people tend to think at first.

But never mind the bar, because the more important thing is that I was there for a shoot.

It’s a Chinese New Year Carlsberg commercial that will be aired on TV and in cinemas (in both languages) during the coming CNY period.

See the Christmas snowflakes in the picture and how they’re kind of pinned up towards the ceiling so that the camera won’t catch them? Haha.

Adrian Pang is the lead actor and I play one of his ex-classmates, at the bar, having a few drinks together. I have a couple of lines and some screen time but I think I’m going to cringe when I see myself.

I look weird. As usual.

These two pics aren’t so bad, that’s why they’re here. The rest are career damning so I’m burning them.

It’s the makeup. The brown eyeshadow below my eyes makes me look like an insomniac. Which I am, truth be told, but the point is not to make me look like an insomniac. The point is to make me look glam, isn’t it?

Well, at least I think the hair is kind of cute.

But the problem is that the cute flyaways went limp after a while so I ended up looking like an insomniac who just woke up.

I didn’t get a pic of Adrian Pang because he was inside the bar the whole time and it was too dark inside to take pictures with my flashless phone. So I got a picture with another co-actor, instead.

Simon is from Denmark and he’s cool because he can speak Chinese. Kind of, at least. He just started learning at NUS, where he’s doing an exchange program.

He was supposed to say a Chinese phrase in the commercial and he can actually say it really well, sounding very Chinese. But the script called for him to do it with a typical ang moh accent, so he had to pretend he couldn’t speak Chinese well. Hah.

I wish I could do a bah kua commercial so I get to eat free bah kua during the shoot. Free beer is nice… but only for people who drink beer.

The Carlsberg tasted quite good, actually, but I have low beer tolerance. The first five sips or so are usually nice but after that, it will start to taste sour and then taking anymore will just gross me out. Come to think of it, wine is that way for me, too.

I prefer bah kua.

So, I’m going to start sending out psychic rays of subliminal suggestion to all the bah kua people in Singapore to cast me in their bah kua commerical.

Zzzzzzngggg…..

Okay, start planning to watch some movies during CNY so you can catch this commercial!