A photo shoot I’d rather not remember

I’ve only been to the Botanic Gardens once in my life and that was for work. For a photo shoot.

Photo shoot photos

It’s quite possible that my parents could have brought me there when I was little, but I have no memory of such an event.

I’ve never been much of a park person.

I’ve never been a tree, or plant, or even flower, person.

If you were to ask me, at any point in my life, to go to the Botanic Gardens, my answer would be, “Siao ah, go there for what?”

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The latest in Singapore fashion

Presenting the latest in haute couture, hot off the glitzy runway of Heartland Mall!

Spectators were completely bowled over by the creativity and free-spiritedness reflected in this shocking and innovative new design by a relatively unknown young designer, who looks set to elevate the status of Singapore haute couture.

The designer was unfortunately unavailable for comment.

But Sheylara.com followed the models backstage for a quick interview.

“What do you think of this unusual creation you’re wearing?”

“I love it!” said the model wearing the sleeveless version. “It’s so daring and at the same time fashionable!”

Said the model wearing the sleeved version, “I think it’s perfect for Singapore’s humid weather because the fabric is very thin and cooling!”

I am everywhere

I am being spotted everywhere (list here).

But I am still very unknown, so I can still go out in shoddy clothes and no makeup, which is something I quite enjoy.

As much as I want fame and fortune, I am scared of having to dress up just to go to the neighbourhood market.

Even non-good-looking celebrities have to look glam all the time, don’t they?

Another one of my commercials (Toyo correction tape) just went on air.

And I saw my EyeRelax video playing in an endless loop outside Guardian Pharmacy at Marina Square. I don’t think anybody watches it.

But please go and buy one because if the response is good, they’ll make it a TV commercial. It’s very expensive, though.

I saw my Carlsberg commercial in the cinema two nights ago and, boy, do I look like a tart.

Okay, I shall stop criticising myself now.

On a totally separate note, Chinese New Year is a beauty hazard. I ate too many Japanese peanuts and now I have a pimple on my nose. I haven’t even started on the bak kwa yet.

This is really sad. Peanuts are evil!

I’m going to bed to sleep the pimple away.

How old should I be?

I feel blessed. I keep getting pretty daughters.

For free.

The fact that these daughters are only my daughters for the duration of a shoot doesn’t change the fact that I keep getting them. Nor that they’re pretty. Nor that I’m now thinking it’s a sign that I should permanently market myself as an actress in the auntie/mother category.

Here’s my latest daughter:

Isn’t she a sweetie? Like all the rest of my screen daughters, awww.

I also get cute (screen) pets:

Oh, and cute (screen) husbands. Except I forgot to take a photo of my latest husband. But you’ll get to see him maybe in a month or so when the commercial goes on air.

Yes, my commercial roll has indeed rolled on into 2006, although it could have stopped rolling now, I don’t know. You can never tell with them rolly things.

Anyhow, this time, I’m endorsing a Kao household product as a mother. Eek.

The good news is that I’m supposed to act cute. Hahaha, can you beat that? Act cute mother.

I bet there are thousands of people out there who want to beat me up for acting cute, but I AM PAID TO ACT CUTE, so there.

For this commercial, the idea was for me to be a siao char bor anime-cute type housewife. It was a real challenge because, honestly, how cute can I act when I have my hair pinned up with auntie hair pins and I have a mop in my hand 80% of the time?

The dog is much cuter.

The clients initially didn’t want me because, looking at the audition tape, they thought I was a teenager.

I didn’t act cute in the audition, ok. I was wearing the most mature clothes I own and I had my hair tied up.

The production team thought I was perfect for the role so they fought very long and hard to convince the clients that I could be made to look like a mother.

So, thanks to them, I got the job. Yay.

But I feel a severe identity crisis.

Just a week ago, I was offered the leading role of a 19-year-old in a short film.

I honestly don’t know how to market myself anymore.

Recently, I was rejected for a Pizza Hut commercial for the same reason I was almost rejected for the Kao commercial.

I arrived at the Pizza Hut audition wearing a mickey mouse blouse and short denim skirt because I wasn’t told beforehand what I was auditioning for, and also because I went there directly after another audition for an 18-year-old lead (which I got but had to turn down.)

In the casting room, I found out that Pizza Hut was looking for a young mother. I was, like, “Eeks! But I’m wearing this!” which made me look even more juvenile.

I can be such a dodo sometimes.

But I think I did well because the director called me to say he really wanted to cast me, but the Pizza Hut people thought I was a teenager and totally couldn’t visualise me as a mother, what with mickey mouse and all. I suppose I can’t blame them.

You see the pattern.

I am constantly having to change my image to suit different clients (sometimes many times in a day), which is fun, no doubt, but it really wreaks havoc on my psyche.

But I don’t want to limit myself since the acting job market in Singapore is already so lean it’s 100% fat free.

I guess I’ll have to carry on not having a real age to call my own.

Anyway, switching age is much easier than switching gender, as Vincent will tell you (if you ask him).


The Kao shoot was an impressively huge production. It was shot at someone’s house, which looks more like a resort than a private residence. Lunch and dinner were catered, buffet style, but I couldn’t eat much because we were kept very busy all day, filming non stop.

Oh, to be so rich that your poolside patio is bigger than the average Singaporean’s living room.

Wait. What am I saying?

Oh, to be so rich that you even have a swimming pool in your house. Never mind the patio.

Cast in the auntie mould

I am the TV commercial queen this month.

Okay, so mine aren’t big brand award winning commercials, but we all have to start somewhere.

It seems, though, that I am doomed to be typecast as a pregnant woman, young mother or teacher — I’ve done so many of those in the past year.

I don’t get it. Directors and producers keep complaining that I look too young, but they continue to cast me in older roles, and then go on to complain that I look too young.

Why aren’t I cast in younger roles more, then?

Not that I’m upset. A role is a role and I’m happy as hell. Like I was telling Vamp the other day, it’s okay if I get typecast as an auntie as long as I get many good jobs. There are popular aunties in Singapore wat.

Yesterday, I filmed my third commercial this month. I’m on a commercial roll!

I hope the roll rolls on into 2006.

So, yesterday, I was teacher to a bunch of pre-teens for this product called Toyo Klic Correction Pen.

According to the storyboard, I was supposed to be this stern-looking teacher with short hair and specs (a bit like my “I Not Stupid Too” look) but I don’t know why they changed their minds and made me look like this, instead:

Not much different from my regular self.

The kids complained to the producer that I don’t look like a teacher. I look more like their elder sister.

But I don’t think they really minded.

I think I have a look that says to kids: “Please climb all over my head.” Because they always do just that.

Yesterday’s bunch was no different. They just wouldn’t quit making fun of me.

“Teacher! Your handwriting very “nice” hor?!”

“Teacher! How come you don’t know how to write the maths formula?!”

“Teacher! Why you don’t look like teacher one?!”

One of the girls kept calling me a barbie doll.

But, you know, I think they love me because I play along with them and I don’t scold them. And I can make them laugh without even doing a thing.

I can be standing still and soundless in front of them, but with my back towards them so I’m facing the whiteboard, and they can still find it funny.

Kids are really weird people. Honestly, I don’t remember ever being that weird. But I do remember making fun of my teachers. Poor teachers. Thou art noble!

Yes. It was very bright yesterday. Fake sunlight.

Heatless, fake sunlight, which didn’t help much when we were freezing our butts off from the morgue-temperature central airconditioning.

By the way, we filmed that at NAFA Campus 3 and my car park ticket was almost $17.

Major ouch. I should have taken the MRT.