GGF#5: The weird issue

[Gamer Girl Friday]

I was going to make a Metal Gear Solid 4 video for this week’s Gamer Girl Friday but we weren’t able to acquire a copy in time.

So, this week, I’ve got some other nonsense for you.

Everything in this issue is weird, strange, funny, crazy, confused because I’ve had a busy dizzy week and am in that sort of mood.

I’m sure you’ll enjoy it, though.

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Table of Contents

  1. The Goonfather tries to buy Metal Gear Solid 4
  2. Female gamers are a myth
  3. Meet the weirdo guild
  4. Annoyed and addicted
  5. Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Part IV
  6. Someone won a 1GB thumbdrive!
  7. Ask Sheylara
  8. Win exclusive movie tickets and a PlayStation 3!

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The Goonfather tries to buy MGS4

[I'm watchin' you]

Metal Gear Solid 4 released worldwide yesterday, so the Goonfather rang up his favourite games shop to check if the stock had arrived.

“Hello,” he said, “Do you have Metal Gear Solid 4 yet?”

The lady who picked up the phone spoke in Chinese, which I shall translate into English for your convenience.

“Mitaka Gekono So?” she said. “Yes, we have it.”

“WTF is that,” thought the Goonfather to himself.

He tried again.

“The PS3 game, MGS4? You have it?”

“Ohhh,” she said. “Yes, we have GTA4.”

“WTF????” thought the Goonfather to himself again.

He tried once more.

“No. I mean MGS4. Me… tal… Ge… ar… So… lid… 4.”

“Huh?” she said. “There’s no such thing.”

Before he felt forced to say WTF for real, he thanked the lady and hung up.

No MGS4 for us on launch day.

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Female gamers are a myth

It seems that a huge majority of the male population still haven’t realised that girls are starting to take over the gaming world.

I blame it on “shemales”, a term used by Singaporean gamers to label men who play female characters in games. (I think the Americans call them trannies.)

[I may look female but I'm male]

It perpetuates the belief that all female characters are, in fact, played by men. Therefore, real female gamers do not exist.

Anyway, I’m raising this topic today because some guy posted this in the Age of Conan forum yesterday:

[The hook]

Yes, this guy found my blog and can’t quite believe that girl gamers exist. Within one day, this post generated 8 pages of hilarious comments debating my existence (and that of other girl gamers).

I’ve compiled some of the funny ones here:

[The bite]

Hilarity!

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Meet the weirdo guild

This isn’t a new thing, but I just discovered it so I’m sharing it with you.

It’s a video series about a bunch of MMORPG addicts who get into all kinds of trouble online and offline. It’s really funny and the actors are really good with impeccable comic timing!

This is the first episode:

Watch the other episodes here!

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Annoyed and addicted

This past week, I’ve sacrificed countless hours of sleep for this stupid DS game called Lost in Blue.

[Game for kids!!]

The latest version is Lost in Blue 3, but I’m still living in the dinosaur age and playing the first of the series.

This game is evil. Once you start, you can’t stop, no matter how much you hate it.

You play this high school kid who is stranded on an island. Together with a cute girl named Skye, you must find a way to survive and escape.

[Aww, so sweet]

Your immediate daily goal is to keep your three meters (hunger, thirst and energy) filled.

[Tell me I'm not playing this]

So, basically, it’s a game of eating, drinking and sleeping.

I thought it would be really easy. The Sims has like eight bars to fill. This has only three!

NOT!

The bars go down very fast and it’s annoying as hell. And the game tempts you with poisonous mushrooms at the start so you have to choose between dying of hunger or dying of poison.

[Napping on the beach is quite fun]

It’s very, very annoying.

The game teases you.

When I finally managed to gather the materials to make a fishing pole so I could fish and eat some real food instead of living on coconuts and poisonous mushrooms, I was ecstatic.

Then I discovered that spearing fish is hard.

[The fish was ticklish]

You have to poke at fish swimming across the screen very fast with your stylus. It’s a tiny moving target. You have to be so precise.

You miss half the time.

The fishing pole breaks after you’ve used it like five times and all you’ve got to show for your effort is one measly fish in your basket.

It’s back to coconuts, then.

I hate this game. The whole game is full of rubbish like that. Makes you happy by letting you discover something, then annoys the hell out of you by making it so hard.

While performing your daily task of surviving, you’re exploring the island and trying to find a way to civilisation.

There are more irritating things to grumble about the game but I have no more space.

I am especially annoyed because it’s at the same time so addictive that I can’t stop playing it.

The game is coming on the Wii end of this year!

Titled Lost in Blue: Shipwrecked, it will have about the same gameplay as the annoying version I’ve been spending too much time on, on the DS.

[Let's get stranded again!]

I need to a Wii!

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Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Pt IV

Read Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

So, it was a dusty and humid evening and Sheylara the kind-hearted and innocent barbarian girl had been asked to fetch bricks for the grumpy smithy.

“Woe is me,” Sheylara mumbled pitifully to herself. “All I wanted was a cream soda and a place to sleep.

[Headache]

“And maybe a new bikini, but I would’ve done without that. Whatever.”

As she trudged wearily through overgrown foliage and muddy footpaths in search of bricks, her tired mind wandered into the past.

She saw a flash.

And then she felt a sharp pain as her mind came running back to the present.

[Pain]

“Ouch!” she yelled.

Her confused time-travelling mind registered two dodgy characters staring at her challengingly.

[Who's your daddy!]

“Who’s ya daddy?!” they roared.

“What are you—”

“Villain! Evil sorceress!” interrupted one of the dodgy characters. “Taste ma blade afore ya touch ma bricks!”

“How did you know I wanted—”

Another flash and Sheylara instinctively dodged the clumsy swing of a dull stick.

“OH go to hell,” Sheylara said. “I am so sick of you people!”

She raised her arms. Blinding white light swirled around her hands and burst out in a fierce arc towards her antagonisers.

[Yes, it's quite blinding]

As of that moment, the two dodgy characters ceased to be dodgy characters. They were now a sorry heap on the ground.

[They won't be waking up any time soon]

“Cool,” said Sheylara. “I never knew I had that in me!”

Triumphantly, she ran past the sorry heap into a quarry of strangely glowing bricks.

[These bricks weren't made for walking]

“Bricks!” Sheylara cried. “My meal ticket!”

Loading as many as she could carry in her hands, Sheylara raced back to the sullen smithy with whatever remaining strength she had.

Just like that, without much fanfare, the tired barbarian girl was let into the shining city of Tortage.

[It was still quite bright, surprisingly]

Well, not quite shining, but it was still a real city with real people and real bikinis, nonetheless.

Happily, Sheylara ran up to the nearest bloke to ask for directions.

[Here's a kindly looking fella]

“Excuse me,” said Sheylara. “Could you please—”

“Ahh,” interrupted the kindly old man. “Just the person I wanted to see, my dear. Would you be a dear and fetch me a rolling pin, a meat cleaver and a roll of leather?”

“Wha—?”

“Well, I’m afraid they’re rather scattered all around. A couple of punks stole them and tossed them around, would you believe? I’m sure you can find them for me, though, wouldn’t you, please?”

“What is wrong with this world!” Sheylara exploded. “Why is everyone asking me to fetch stuff?”

Looking a little shocked, the kindly old man said, “Oh, but I do say!”

“Say what?” Sheylara challenged.

Fidgeting, the old man looked a little uncomfortable. “Say… mm… that is, wouldn’t you fetch my meat cleaver? I’m in a bit of a hurry for it, that is.”

Confounded and utterly confused, Sheylara looked up in the sky for guidance.

There, she saw, a giant celetial arrow pointing the way.

[Really handy]

“Wha—” said she, doing a double take.

The arrow in the sky giggled quietly and whispered, “Follow me!”

Amazed, Sheylara followed the arrow. It led her to…

…a meat cleaver.

[Someone forgot to clean it]

(To be continued next week…)

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Someone won a 1GB thumbdrive!

Congratulations, junkie! He wins this for simply asking a question!

[All his!!]

Read on to the next section to see his winning question. It’s funny!

(Thanks for all your entries. They’re funny, too, of course! I will be answering them… as and when. lol.)

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Ask Sheylara

Today’s Ask Sheylara is dedicated to funny questions because I feel like funny tonight. We will resume seriousness next week. Or not.

junkie asks a funny question:

Who would win in a fight, the Goonfather or Sheylara?

Sheylara Says:

Tsk tsk… you kids should stop playing games because it makes you think of fighting all the time!

I’m joking, of course.

Me and the Goonfather fight all the time, in game and out of game. In game, we fight over how he always gets us killed because he has a subconscious death wish. Out of game, we fight over whether the room should be done in pink or black.

Neither of us ever wins because we get always distracted by games and ignore everything else.

Note, however, that fighting is very much discouraged. Thank you.

Fx asks a silly question:

Are the breasts in AoC sharp enuff to stab someone to death?

Sheylara Says:

That depends on whether one is wearing armor or not, and also depends on the shape and sharpness of the armor itself. Breasts, by themselves, however can be excellent murder weapons without the need for stabbing.

I cannot teach you the ways here but I’ll give you a hint. It has to do with men running off cliffs or running into the arms of an epic mob or running into an electrical fence… while in a state of distraction.

modchip asks an absurd question:

If there were some sort of a doomsday attack on earth, and you and the Goonfather were the only ones who survived this, and everything else obliterated exept for a classic NES, all the NES titles, a TV, and a generator with 1 hour worth of power, what 2 player NES title would you play for 1 hour?

Sheylara Says:

Why would anyone waste the last hour of power on earth on stupid NES games?? The Goonfather would fashion a modem out of the NES and contact other survivors on the other end of the earth because that’s how it always happens in the movies.

We’d arrange to travel halfway to meet and then die trying because halfway around the world is a little bit far, to be sure.

thiang asks a serious question:

How did you put the online Guitar Hero on your blog?

Sheylara Says:

(I just thought I should throw this in even though it’s funny day and this isn’t a funny question.)

The embedding code is embedded in the widget! lol. Click on Play Game, click on Grab Code, click on Copy Code to Clipboard, paste in your blog!

Thank you for your questions! Sheylara will answer more questions next week. Keep ’em coming!

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Win exclusive movie tickets and a PS3!

I’m inviting eight lucky readers to attend an exclusive event with me next Wednesday (June 18, 6pm to 9pm) at the Cathay Cineplex!

Here’s what you’ll experience at the event:

  1. Unveiling of the new Sony CineAlta 4K Digital Cinema System at The Cathay Cineplex.

    [Let's get some clarity, baby]

    Cathay will be the first ever digital cinema in Singapore, screening ultra-high resolution movies, and you will be the first to experience it!

  2. Play PS3 on the big screen and maybe win it!

    [Take me home, baby]

    You will get a chance to play a PlayStation 3 game on the big screen! One winner will even go home with a PlayStation 3! Aww, sweet!

  3. Sneak preview screening of You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, starring Adam Sandler.

    [Watch me, baby]

    Watch this movie on the CineAlta 4K, one day before everyone else in Singapore!

  4. Meet Sheylara!

    [Meet me]

    Okay, fine, I’m not really a highlight. But you’ll get to meet me and ask me all your questions in person!

    Also, meet my other readers! You guys can get together and complain or gossip about me or whatever.

  5. Free food and drinks!

    I’m not sure what’s being served but there will be refreshments, at least!

Alrighty. And here’s how you can win a ticket!

  • Post a comment here telling us why you want to attend this event.
  • Please do so only if you can and will attend the event if you win! (It’s on June 18, 6pm.)
  • Closing date is Tuesday, June 17, 2008, 2pm!
  • The eight most deserving entries will be picked!

I’m really excited about this event! Can’t wait for it! =)

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Well, I’m feeling stupendously dizzy now. Producing an issue of Gamer Girl Friday always does that to me.

That’s why I’m not going to ramble on anymore. The weekend is here and I’ve got even more work to do. Haha.

No rest for the wicked, yada dada doo.

[Gamer Girl Friday]

GGF#4: Bimbo, babes, barbarian

[Gamer Girl Friday]

Gamer Girl Friday is busy being an actress this whole week, so have had less time to devote to this week’s column.

If you find it in any way lacking, please divert all your complaints to the Goonfather. I asked him to help me do some research and give me some topics to write about, but he played the busy card.

Yeah, he’s busy alright. He’s busy every night playing Ninja Gaiden II and Pixel Junk Monsters and Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune (freaking old game!).

Men!

Gamers!!

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Table of Contents

  1. Sheylara plays Ninja Gaiden II
  2. Play Guitar Hero III right here right now!
  3. The babes of Metal Gear Solid 4
  4. Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Part III
  5. Dragon Ball Z Burst Limit a surprise hit
  6. Winner of Ninja Gaiden II contest
  7. Winner of Grand Theft Auto IV contest
  8. Ask Sheylara
  9. Win a 1GB thumb drive!!

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Sheylara plays Ninja Gaiden II

Bimbo alert!

I’m really sorry. I very suck at action fighter games. Well, we can’t all be good at everything.

I hardly ever play this genre of games and I didn’t even know who Ryu Hayabusa was prior to my involvement with the recent NG2 Xbox 360 launch campaign.

Just be warned that I will be very painful to watch.

(Before you go on, please check your own IC. If you’re under 18, you’re not allowed to watch it because it’s a violent game!)

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Play Guitar Hero III right here right now!

Wear out your keyboard on this Guitar Hero III widget! It has only three songs, but it’s fun enough. Play it here!

Apparently, if you stay in the top ten leaderboard, you can win prizes from Rocket XL and Activision.

Not for me. On my second try on Easy mode, I only got like 75,000 points. The current highest legal score is 657,987. WTF? (I think the top three are illegal because their scores are like 999999999999.)

Well, I’m not playing anymore because I’d rather play the real GH3. Then again, if I had the time, I’d rather play Rock Band… until Guitar Hero World Tour comes out!

OMG I seriously can’t wait for GHWT!!

[Back to Table of Contents]

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The babes of Metal Gear Solid 4

Well, the Goonfather not only didn’t help me do research for interesting stuff to talk about, he forced me to talk about Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriot (what a mouthful).

He said, “You must write about it! It’s… it’s… well, it’s Metal Gear Solid!!!”

Yeah, like I care.

Well, ok. I have to admit that, although I only started becoming a console gamer last year (largely because of Wii and Guitar Hero and Rock Band), I have seen the previous installments of MGS and I really enjoyed watching people play it.

I prefer watching rather than playing myself because the game goes faster that way. If you’ve watched my NG2 video (above) till the end, you’ll know what I mean.

Anyway, one of the most interesting things about MGS4 are the beauties. Auditions were held around the world to seek the most beautiful women to serve as models for MGS4 characters.

I’m jealous. I want to be a game character, too.


Lyndall Jarvis, a famous USA model who has modelled for brands such as Guess and Bebe.


Scarlett Chorvat, a Hollywood actress and fashion model, last seen in Entourage and 24.


Yumi Kikuchi, a multi-talented Japanese artiste who can be seen in Godzilla: Final Wars.


Mieko Rye, a USA fashion model whose Maxim swimsuit spread has slain many a man.

Well, you’ll be seeing these faces in-game soon! MGS4 releases in like less than a week!

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Pt III

Read Part 1 | Part 2

Sheylara couldn’t wait to get into the city of Tortage now that she’s got her hair done and all.

[The Barbarian Dream]

As the kind-hearted and innocent barbarian girl walked towards the city gates, she chattered excitedly to her friend, Casilda, “What shall we do first thing we get inside?”

Casilda turned evasive, like she’d done when they’d been ambushed earlier. “Um… we’ll see.”

Not noticing because she was so excited, Sheylara continued, “Well, of course, I will want a cream soda first.”

The girls stopped right in front of the gates, where they were met by an imposing man wearing a huge question mark above his head.

[He wondered why he suffered a headache all the time]

He was busy barking orders at a quivering soldier but he spotted the girls and yelled, “Halt! Who goes there!” giving Sheylara an awful fright.

Casilda giggled. “Aww, sweetie Laranga, it’s me. I love when you exert your authority!”

Laranga’s eyes softened. “Yer all right, gal. Go on in.”

As Casilda went through the gates, Sheylara tried to follow.

She was stopped.

[You couldn't see into his eyes]

“Not so fast. Where do you think you’re going, delinquent?”

“I…” began Sheylara.

Casilda giggled and winked at Sheylara. “See you on the inside, babe!” And then she disappeared into the city.

[It was an abrupt farewell]

“But…” repeated Sheylara, flustered.

“All delinquents must prove their worth before being let in!” boomed Laranga.

“But…” Sheylara attempted again.

“The blacksmith needs help. Go to him.”

He gestured vaguely at a direction before returning his attention to the still quivering soldier.

[It was futile]

Disappointed and confused, muttering curses at Casilda, Sheylara trudged wearily away.

Before long, she came upon a scary-looking man with black stripes on his face.

[How's the weather today, mate?]

He was just standing there, not doing anything much.

In his hand was a hammer but Sheylara couldn’t see an anvil anywhere in sight.

“Excuse me,” said Sheylara. “That man over there said you needed help?”

“Right,” said the blacksmith. “You go through there, wind ’round the lake a bit, cross a bridge, get past a couple nasty pirates (you might haveta kill ’em), there’s some bricks them pirates have stolen. Get ’em for me.”

Sheylara gaped at him, confused. “You want me to fetch you bricks?”

[It was a confusing time for her]

“Them’s the orders, miss.”

“Kill pirates?”

“Them’s the orders, miss.”

“But you’re just standing here doing nothing!”

“Them’s the orders, miss.”

“But…”

But the blacksmith had turned into stone and just stood there impassively, waiting for his next showtime.

[He was going for the statue championship title]

Indignant but not having a choice, Sheylara went off to do as she was told. Night was looming and she didn’t want to have to sleep out in the open.

(To be continued next week…)

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Dragon Ball Z Burst Limit a surprise hit

Well, it’s a surprise to me, anyway. The game is supposed to release next Tuesday and I haven’t heard anyone talk about it.

Nobody I know ever talks about Dragon Ball games. Nobody I know ever plays them.

But what’s remarkable is that I posted a video clip of the gameplay two months ago on YouTube and I’ve gotten over 100,000 views, 285 comments and 109 favourites for just that little pixelated clip.

I’ve also gotten at least two pirates stealing my clip and reposting it on YouTube as their own. (That’s why I watermark all my videos now.)

Here’s the clip!

I do like Dragon Ball but more specifically the manga. I love it! I just can’t quite get into the movies and the games. The anime is alright, but the manga pure owns.

So, what do you think? Do you know anyone who is buying or planning to buy Dragon Ball Z Burst Limit?

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Winner of Ninja Gaiden II contest

As part of last week’s contest, I got readers to share interesting or funny gaming encounters they’ve had.

A lucky draw was conducted to pick a winner.

The lucky winner is Aves! He went home with a brand new Ninja Gaiden II box (kindly sponsored by the Xbox 360 team in Singapore) on official launch day, no less!

[Congratulations!]

Here is Aves’ winning entry:

When playing Team Deathmatch in COD4, we often need to tell our team mates the locations of the enemy. So one fine day, when playing in the Chinatown map from the latest map pack, our dearest Smoe starts telling us that the enemy is in the MUSHROOM SHOP. This went on for a few weeks without anyone ever knowing where the heck the mushroom shop is at.

Finally, we all couldn’t take it and we created a private match. Asked everyone to cease-fire and made Smoe lead us to the Mushroom shop. So everyone gathered at the main road in Chinatown and Smoe led us into a house and started showing us the mushrooms…

Upon first look, I saw that those were fishes and furthermore, there were lobsters beside those fishes so I was pretty sure.

Me: WTF, these are fishes la!!!!
Smoe: Oops ok, these are fishes. The mushrooms are here!

*brings us to the room next door*

Me: OMG!! These are mussels! -_-”””””””

I proceeded to bring Smoe outside the shop and showed him the signboard stating:

KAR PG CO (large fonts)
Fish Market (small fonts)

From then on, we all call the place the mushroom shop even though we know it’s a fish market.

For those interested in knowing where the mushroom shop is, check out this link.

Moral of the story: Read signboards

Thank you, Aves, and congratulations! How’s Ninja Gaiden II so far, eh? ;)

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Winner of Grand Theft Auto IV contest

It’s modchip!!!!!!

*streamers* *clickers* *balloons* *poppers*

Well, modchip doesn’t live in Singapore, so I couldn’t hand him the prize personally. So, I’ll have to mail it to him!

modchip wins a copy of GTA4 for the Xbox 360 for taking part in the “Review Gamer Girl Friday” contest.

I had tasked readers to write a review of my column. Best review wins.

I think all entries were really good and I wish I could award everyone a prize. But I finally picked modchip’s entry because it’s evident that he spent a lot of time on the screenshots, which he collaged into a nice overall image of Gamer Girl Friday!

[Congratulations!]
Click to read his entry

Thank you and congratulations! Your prize will be mailed to you soon!

I would also like to make special mention of some of the entries that I really liked but I unfortunately don’t have more than one prize to give out.

-=}{oT~dEv1L 666=- wrote a really long and flattering entry (although he is underaged and therefore not eligible for the contest, lol).

Junhao offered some constructive opinions.

aigatdula gave me some useful suggestions.

Thank you all, guys! I hope you will win something in my future contests! ;)

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Ask Sheylara

Ask me any gaming-related questions! Post them in the comments or e-mail me, I don’t really care. I will try to answer all questions (unless I get like 500 questions a day).

Hun Boon asks a Rock Band question:

Can you use the guitar from Guitar Hero 3 for Rock Band?

Sheylara Says:

It depends on which console you’re playing on.

On the PS3, the GH and RB guitars are not compatible with each other.

On the Xbox 360, you can use GH guitars on RB, but not the other way round.

Gamespot has a useful guitar compatibility chart if you need to know the details.

On a side note, Rock Band is still not available for the Asian region code Xbox 360 and there is still no ETA. We’ve become thumb-twiddling experts.

fanatic86 asks an Age of Conan question:

Sheylara, may I know what server and guild you’re in on AoC? How about coming to Gwahlur to join us? There’s a big Singaporean guild here and it’s very fun.

Sheylara Says:

I’m in Old Timers Guild in Thog, which has many Singaporeans, too. But I do also know many people in Gwahlur. It’s just that I chose Thog because I hate PvP. :P

But, anyway, I really hardly have time to play AoC now. I am still at level 10!!!! All the same, thanks for the invitation. Maybe I’ll create a character in Gwahlur when I have a bit of time, just to say hi! ;)

rajiv asks a Wii question:

I got a Japanese Wii and I set up the Internet using your translater. Now, when I click on the Wii shop, it says something in Japanese and the only button there is is to go back to the main menu. I cannot access Wii shop.

Sheylara Says:

Sorry, but I can’t help you unless I know what the page says! Next time, send me a screenshot and I’ll see if I can help.

Well, I’m not getting 500 questions a day, which is actually a good thing because, otherwise, my e-mail would bust, along with the capillaries in my brain.

But keep those questions coming! Let’s see some funny questions, too, because I’m tired of answering serious questions. Haha.

Hmm. Maybe I will make that this week’s contest.

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Win a 1GB thumb drive!!

I’m tired of giving away games, so here’s something different for a change.

How about a thumb drive? I’ve got a snazzy looking Nokia N-Gage thumb drive which comes with a lanyard!

[Win me!]

[Win me!]

One could never have too many thumbdrives, I always say. I used to have a sleek Sony one, but it stopped working only after a few months. Sad!

Okay, the rules this week!

  • Ask me an interesting or funny question (doesn’t have to be but preferably gaming related).
  • You can post here or e-mail me.
  • You can use a pseudonym if you wish.
  • My favourite question wins the prize!

There is no closing date for questions, of course, but I’m awarding the thumb drive next Friday, so if your question comes after that, well, that’s that, then.

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I hope you enjoyed this week’s Gamer Girl Friday!

I have to take my leave now because today I’m also Actress Girl Friday and I’ve got to rush off to NAFA for my performance tonight.

Please be liberal with your comments and suggestions because Gamer Girl Friday needs your feedback to get better!

Have an awesome weekend!

[Gamer Girl Friday]