Just thought I should pop in to say that I’m stil alive and kicking and gaming too much for my own good.
(I do have to assert for the record that the right games promote mental acuity, so there is something to be said for gaming too much.)
Well, the thing is, once in a while I get into a kind of mental block that prevents me from writing. It’s not writers’ block; it’s a block which I can explain more adequately by sharing with you the following internal dialogue:
Sheylara 1: What shall we write about today?
Sheylara 2: We could do X, Y, Z or A.
Sheylara 1: We could, but I don’t want to.
Sheylara 2: Why not?
Sheylara 1: They’re all boring.
Sheylara 2: No way. People are waiting to read them.
Sheylara 1: They’re boring to write. And if they’re boring to write, they must be boring to read.
Sheylara 2: Just write one of them, anyway.
Sheylara 1: I don’t want to write for the sake of writing. I want to make some changes to my blog.
Sheylara 2: Like what?
Sheylara 1: I don’t know. I have a million ideas but they’re all not sustainable and I don’t want to start work on half-baked ideas only to regret and then want to change again.
Sheylara 2: Okay, keep on incubating ideas but in the meantime write something or everyone will think we’ve quit and gone to live in Tibet.
Sheylara 1: I can’t! I just can’t work on something I don’t believe in anymore. I want a new direction. I want to change everything. I NEED to change everything!
Sheylara 2: Do it gradually.
Sheylara 1: I can’t! Because if I continue in this vein, I will keep on continuing in this vein! There needs to be a sudden, drastic change for anything to happen for real! And for that to take place, I need to stop doing whatever’s not working! Don’t you understand?!!
Sheylara 2: …
Sheylara 1: I need to change NOW! I can’t wait! My blog is getting stupid and boring!!
Sheylara 2: Erm… I think we should get back to our game.
Sheylara 1: Okay.
This happens a lot.
In fact, this happens regularly my entire life.
Occasionally, Sheylara 1 gets a breakthrough and something life-changing happens and then we are happy for a time. But, more often than not, Sheylara 2 wins by appealing to the mature, sensible adult hiding somewhere in our DNA, and then life goes on in a mundane but safe cycle until such a time as Sheylara 1 decides to halfheartedly rebel again.
In other news, I am taking my IELTS tomorrow. That’s the stupid English test we are forced to pass in order to apply to colleges and universities in Western countries.
I hate it because it makes you study stupid charts showing how many Japanese people travelled abroad each year over a 10-year period and how many of them chose to go to Australia in each of those years.
You then have to write your findings in 150 words or more.
Among other things, you also have to read long, wordy essays on the boring history of cartography and then answer a series of trick questions which are impossible to answer because you fell asleep while reading the essay.
The IELTS is a three-hour ordeal that will only prove, if you pass, that you have the mental fortitude required to withstand prolonged torture to your brain.
Well, don’t mind me. I’m just grumpy.