You must wear red new clothes or get eaten by a monster

To be totally blunt, I think us Chinese people are all being taken for rides.

Just think about it. Chinese New Year customs originated from some stupid folklore about a mythical monster by the name of Nian (Year), who enjoys swallowing innocent people with his great big mouth, but who is also very conveniently scared of red.

To prevent Nian from paying you an unsolicited midnight visit for a midnight snack, you should stick red paper all over your house or, better yet, all over yourself.

Think about it. Year after year, we are celebrating the non-existence of a great big monster whose nemesis is the colour of red. If that doesn’t make us quite silly, I don’t know what does.

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It’s a dog’s year

A very happy, lucky and prosperous Chinese New Year to you!

May the new lunar year be filled with fun and cheers, friends and food, health and wealth and everything else your yearning soul wants!

May you have so much in abundance that it spilleth over!

Then pass some (wealth) over to me!

May your visitings be filled with fat ang pows and yummy bak kuas but devoid of awkward personal questions!

And be nice to doggies! Even little scruffy ones who hate being bathed and groomed!

Have a wonderful long weekend.