Piers tells a bedtime story

My body is slowly reverting back to England time again.

Went to sleep at 6:30 am this morning, which is 11:30 pm in England.

Nothing remarkable in that. All my life, I’ve been battling my mind’s stubborn refusal to sleep when its supposed to. It’s not because I’ve been chatting with Piers too much or playing games too much.

 

Gaming at night

 

I had tried to sleep early. About 2:30 am. Couldn’t.

So I played a bit on my iPad 2, then tried again. Worse.

Mind started thinking all kinds of things. Happy things, sad things, angry things, game things.

At about 4:30 am, I Gtalked Piers and told him I couldn’t sleep, so he called me on the phone to chat.

After chatting about random things for an hour, I asked him to tell me a bedtime story because I still wasn’t getting sleepy enough to sleep.

Always be careful what you wish for.

I got a 20-minute made-up-on-the-spot story which I regretted having asked for.

 

Bedtime Tales

 

It started:

“Once upon a time, there lived a frog on a nice lily pad in a pretty little pond.

“The frog was called…”

Here, he paused to think of a name. He umm-ed and mm-ed for a minute before I got tired of waiting and suggested: “Piers?”

He took my suggestion.

“Ah, yes. The frog’s name was Piers.”

Then he spent like 10 minutes describing the pond and telling me about Piers’ pond friends (Peter the Newt and Sam the Water Boatman).

(I had to interrupt him at this point to ask him what a water boatman was. It’s a pond insect!)

 

Pond

 

Anyway, finally, the story moved along.

“One day, along came a beautiful girl to the pond. Her name was Sheylara and she was the most beautiful girl in the kingdom.”

Then he spent a few minutes describing Sheylara and how Piers the Frog thought she was great.

Next:

“Sheylara saw Piers the frog and said, ‘Oh! What a cute little frog!’ and then ran back home to get her camera.”

 

Sheylara

 

To cut his long, rambling story short, what happened next was Sheylara took a picture of Piers, but Piers was camera shy so dived into the pond, then a catfish saw him and ate him up.

(It was originally a shark, but I protested that sharks didn’t live in ponds.)

At this point I said, “What a horrible story!!!!!!”

He said, “Wait! It’s not over yet!”

He continued:

“Sheylara felt really bad to have caused Piers the Frog to be eaten by a catfish, so she dived into the pond to save him. Alas, the catfish ate her up also. The end.”

 

Trash can

 

WHAT A STUPID IDIOTIC STORY.

It reminded me of when I was still in England one night and I stupidly asked him for a bedtime story and he told me a similary retarded one.

I should have remembered that sooner.

Piers says the frog story teaches how karma works. Since Sheylara made Piers get eaten by a catfish, karma says she should also get eaten by a catfish.

I say it teaches me never to ask him for a bedtime story ever again.

After this, I was more awake than ever.

In the end, we both went to sleep at the same time (6:30 am / 11:30 pm). He said that’s good cos it means I won’t get jetlagged when I visit him next month.

Less than three weeks’ time! =D

A lesson in retribution

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Orange Boy, because he was wearing an orange t-shirt.

One day, Orange Mum took Orange Boy to Ikea. While she was having a meal at the cafeteria, she allowed Orange Boy to go into the playpen to play with the other kids.

[Ikea playground]

Meanwhile, a boy named Green boy (because he was wearing a green t-shirt) arrived with his mother.

Green Mum gave Green Boy five pieces of Daim chocolate candy and said, “Be a good boy and you can eat this later, okay? I put on this table first.”

[Daim candy]

She put the chocolates on the table surrounding the playpen as Green Boy nodded obediently. She walked off.

Now, Orange Boy was in the playpen pretending to be a space pilot. His eyes lit up when he saw the chocolates on the table. He rushed to the table and grabbed the whole handful of them.

Orange Mum, who was only a little away, saw what happened and scurried to Orange Boy.

“Boy, you cannot take that. It doesn’t belong to you! Put it down.”

Orange Boy put the chocolates back sullenly. But as Orange Mum returned to her seat, he swooped down on them again.

Once again, Orange Mum abandoned her food to dispense parental guidance.

“Boy, I told you already, you cannot take other people’s things! Nah, I give you your own sweet.”

With that, she magically plucked a single Daim chocolate candy from her pocket and gave it to Orange Boy, making him put the others back.

Orange Boy waited for Orange Mum to go back to her seat. Then, again, he grabbed the chocolates that didn’t belong to him.

Orange Mum slapped her forehead and trudged wearily back to Orange Boy.

“Stop that! Nah, I give you another one. Don’t take other people’s things!!”

As Orange Mum walked back to her seat, Orange Boy looked at the two sweets in his hands. He looked at his mother. He looked at the five on the table. He’s excited about his newfound ability to make sweets grow. He grabbed the five pieces again.

Orange Mum sighed loudly, rolled her eyes and continued eating.

At this time, Green Boy, to whom the five stolen pieces of Daim belonged, was oblivious to this daylight thievery, so engrossed was he in being a pirate captain.

Unchallenged finally, Orange Boy happily hugged his ill-gotten gains as he flew around the playpen, pretending to be a jet fighter.

Now, this jet fighter was flying on empty. It ran out of fuel after a few minutes and had to stop. Orange Boy decided to go back to being a space pilot because that was more fun (and less tiring).

But he needed both hands to pilot a spacecraft and the hands in question were at this moment busy holding Daim chocolates. So, Orange Boy thought of a plan. He went to the table and set his sweets down, all seven pieces of them.

With his hands now free, he ran back to his spaceship and took the wheel.

Now, Green Mum must have been watching all this in silence from somewhere. The moment the chocolates were back on the table, she marched up to them, grabbed them all, including the two that belonged to Orange Boy, and called for Green Boy.

“Boy, it’s time to go. Take your sweets, let’s go.”

Ever so obedient, Green Boy came running over, accepted his sweets and followed after his mother.

Orange Boy’s eyes widened in shock. His chocolates were walking away! He looked towards his mother for guidance but Orange Mum pretended not to notice and looked away.

So the thief became the victim and the victim became the thief, and only one boy lived happily ever after.

The End.