The Goonfather vs Morte

My friends are killing me with their nonsense.

Since we just started our cycling/inline skating craze recently, a few people are still deciding whether to be cyclists or skaters. Minds keep changing, especially as our group gets bigger as more friends join in.

Current standing:


Right now, there’s this stupid competition going on between both factions to gain the most members, with some members resorting to tempting opposing members to switch camps.

Two nights ago, Morte linked us a whole bunch of inline skating videos. He even had specific videos for each of us.

For example:

“Minou!! Get these gear and learn! You will be like her!”

By the way, I’m totally in love with this cute little skater!

Morte even roped in a colleague who used to be a skating instructor, who’s promising us free lessons. All the better to entice the cyclists/undecided over!

Morte, by the way, is still trying to get comfortable with his skates. He can skate smoothly but he can’t go too fast, so he’s always lagging behind.

Group photo

Yesterday, the Goonfather MSN’ed me to complain.

“Alf is like poisoning my cyclists to go to his side leh.”

(Morte’s real name is Alfred.)

The Goonfather continued, “I must find a way to retain my cyclists. So, I drew a picture to remind my cyclists the outcome of skating, unless you’re damn fit.”

(During our sessions, the cyclists will usually go slow enough for the skaters to keep up. And the skaters, except Morte, go fast enough for the cyclists to be pretty comfortable.)

Here’s what the Goonfather drew:

The Goonfather's picture

I hope you can decipher it. It took me a while because I was wondering why he made the skaters look like tortoises.

It turned out he just sucks at drawing. The point was just to taunt Morte.

Unker Kell also added fuel to the fire: “I think if I run and he skate, I’ll still reach Changi before him.”


Score one for the Goonfather’s faction, I guess.

Well, there’s a reason why our group is called Club Morte.

(But Skate Faction still wins by number!)

Everyone wants to be “healthy”

It’s amazing how easy it is to get people all excited about healthy lifestyle activities. And I mean people who do not already have a healthy lifestyle.

I’m using the term “healthy lifestyle” rather loosely here. I mean engaging in activities that involve physical exertion, such as cycling and inline skating.

Last night, a total of 12 people turned up at our quite last-minute outing at East Coast Park. Six cyclists and six skaters.

East Coast Park

All of us haven’t skated/cycled in years. Some over ten years. Most also haven’t exercised in years.

And, it’s like:

“Hey, let’s go skating/cyclling at ECP tomorrow night!”


No questions asked, no hesitation.

I get the feeling that most people want to partake in healthy activities but they won’t do it until someone pulls them off their bums to do it.

I have been taking this drug for 2 years but it has not been better. I am now taking less mg. In the beginning, I had 5000 mg 3 times a day. And I’m already feeling a lot better. I recommend this stuff, Valtrex is OK. I think after three tablets that it could come from the Zelitrex. Don’t trust me to take it anymore.

Minou is a cyclist but she has suddenly gotten interested in skates.

East Coast Park

Before our session, we stopped by at the skate shop for her to try on skates.

Feeling wobbly and nervous, she used Unker Kell as a support pillar. It was quite funny because Unker Kell was protesting all the way.

East Coast Park

East Coast Park

East Coast Park

Typical inane Club Morte conversation.

Minou didn’t get skates in the end because the one she liked didn’t come in her size and the one that fit perfectly she didn’t like.

Wang Wang, who had originally planned to buy a bike to join the bikers’ faction, suddenly decided that she wanted to skate, too.

Joining us later in the night, the first thing she did was drag everyone to the skate shop.

Again, for some reason, Unker Kell became the support pillar.

East Coast Park

I think he just has a talent for being at the right place at the right time. Haw haw haw.

Unfortunately, Wang Wang also couldn’t find a comfortable size in a design she liked, so she rented an overnight pair.

We did about 10 km in total, going from Lagoon Food Centre to Tanah Merah, then back again. With many rest stops in between.

I needed “toe stops” (a phrase coined by Unker Kell) cos I’m still seasoning my new skates and my toes would lose blood circulation and get numb every 15 minutes or so.

East Coast Park

I’m afraid my toes would die and fall off my feet, so I remove my skates every so often to let them “breathe” before resuming torturing them.

Wang Wang needed “crying stops” cos she had totally lost her skating mojo and kept falling on her bum.

Crying on… guess whose shoulders?

East Coast Park


At one point, we contemplated journeying to Changi but it was already 11 pm and everyone was hungry, especially Kerrendor, whose last meal was 12 hours ago, crazy bugger. (That’s him sitting on the floor in the photo above.)

So we hightailed it back to Lagoon Food Centre, where everyone feasted on BBQ chicken wings, oyster omelete, BBQ stingray, satay and fishball meepok.

I had to eat fish slice soup because my restricted diet is still on. Sad.

But the fish slice soup turned out to be very tasty because it was flavoured with Chinese wine, milk and salted vegetables and served in a claypot. And the fish was super fresh and tender. It made me feel like I was cheating, lol.

East Coast Park

Someone said during our meal, “We’re wasting our workout on all this food!”

And someone retorted, “But the reason to exercise is so we can enjoy this food.”

I couldn’t agree more!

The Goonfather forced a $400 present on me

The Goonfather has done it again. He has started another expensive hobby within our group.

Club Morte

It started with him being jealous of me going jogging at the beach weekend mornings. He wanted to go with me because he loves the beach.

But he doesn’t like jogging. So he decided that he would cycle, instead.

Within a fortnight, he went and bought a bicycle which he claimed cost him $150 but I suspect is probably more like $1,000. And that’s not including several hundred dollars in vanity parts.

The Goonfather's bike

But it’s a good thing. We go to the beach together, do our separate thing, then meet up for breakfast an hour later. Great way to spend a Saturday morning!

Next thing you know, everyone in our group wants to cycle, too.

Except me. I hate cycling.

The Goonfather tried to tempt me by showing me pictures of pink bikes.

Potential Sheylara bike

I like the idea of owning a pink bike, but I won’t ride it! I just don’t like cycling.

Then he tried to tempt me into going back to inline skating.

I used to love inline skating but I don’t have skates anymore and I have no interest in spending $400 on a pair of good skates at this point of time in my life.

Plus, the type of skating I like to do is health hazardous, which is not a good idea.

Aggressive inline skating
Photo by mordoc.

Desperate for me to buy skates for some reason I can’t comprehend, the Goonfather even offered to pay for my skates.

He visited bike and skate shops a lot that week, and each time he came home, he would excitedly show me his new bike vanity purchase and then tell me about a cute pair of skates he saw which he was sure I’d love.

Even then, I wasn’t interested, because I simply don’t have the time or energy to pick up skating again.

“I’ll stick to running, thanks,” I said.


Throughout the week, in Club Morte e-mails, our group discussed cycling, inline skating and beach picnics.

And, just like that, Morte declared, “I’m going to buy a pair of skates this Saturday!”

That was last week, and we all trooped down to East Coast Park to help him shop for a pair.

We ended up with more than we bargained for. On that day, we collectively purchased three pairs of inline skates.

Half of Club Morte

Yes, Kerrendor and I totally succumbed to impulse buying.

I was uninterested until I saw this pristine white pair of skates which had arrived in Singapore only two days before.

Sheylara's skates

When the skate shop guy handed it over to me, he said, “Congratulations! You’re one of the first few in Singapore to own this!”


I am so in love with my new skates!

They are recreational skates so I can’t do health hazardous things with them because they lack the kind of handling needed for aggressive skating. But that’s a good thing, I suppose. I can hear my bones sighing with relief.

Sheylara's skates

I don’t think I’ll have the heart to attempt jumping powerslides on these babies, so my bones are safe for now.

Now, Minou wants to buy skates, too. We’re going shopping this Saturday!

Wang Wang is still undecided whether to skate or cycle, but she’ll decide soon enough. We threatened to make her our Table IC, otherwise.

According to the guys, that means she’d be in charge of looking after our stuff, being our water checkpoints, and preparing picnic supplies.

Wang Wang

I don’t think she’s very keen on fulfilling that role.