Stupid Goonfather!

I almost walked face-first into a daddy longlegs yesterday.

It was hanging at face height on the way to my door, like a booby trap.

Daddy Longlegs

Because it’s brownish-yellow and thin, and my room’s light is yellow, I couldn’t see it until I was almost kissing it.

Shocked, I jumped back but managed to hold in a shriek. I rushed to my computer and started typing to the Goonfather.

I bought Ventolin inhaler also from https://www.gatewayanalytical.com/ventolin-inhaler/ when my son had stenosis, I now buy it whenever we run out of it, just to be on the safe side. I dont have anything negative to say about it, I like how it works, it is soft but effective. So I always recommend Ventolin to other moms that ask me for advice on that.

MSN

“There’s a daddy longlegs hanging by a thread in front of my shelf. Sad smiley” I said.

The reply came back: “Then you never wish it Happy Belated Father’s Day?”

“…”

A minute later, my MSN window opened again and there was the Goonfather raving:

“Ehhh… I know you gonna take a pic of the spider now, and then blog what I tell you, and call the post Stupid Goonfather!”

I smiled. “I already Plurk/Twitter about it!”

“Blah!”

LOL

[Fast forward 15 minutes…]

“Arrgh. The daddy longlegs was climbing down its thread as I was walking out of the room. I almost walked into it again!!”

“Ehh… why you never kill it??”

“I don’t like killing insects, except ants. Cos I can’t deal with the corpse.”

“Hmm… you need an undertaker.”

“My undertaker is at work now.”

Pregnant pause…

“TMD!!”

:D

Conversations with the Goonfather

Once again, for those who are new to my blog, the Goonfather is not my father. He’s my goon partner.

He always makes silly remarks and tries to trick, manipulate, con, insult, tease, confuse and annoy people with his words because it’s a great source of entertainment for him.

Sometimes it backfires.

I was having a conversation in the car with him about Christmas and my impending trip to Korea (which is happening before Christmas). I kinda got excited over the thought of shopping for Christmas presents in Korea.

The Goonfather got excited, too.

“Yay!” he said, “You can buy my birthday present also!”

“What do you want?”

“Oooh,” said the Goonfather, excitedly. “I want… I want… Korean porn!”

“WTF,” I said. “You want me to get caught at customs??”

Then, I had a thought. “I know! I will snail mail it to you! If anyone’s gonna get caught, it will be you!”

So he changed his mind.

“No, no,” he said. “I don’t want porn. I want a live Korean girl.”

I had another idea.

“How about I buy nice Korean clothes there, then come back and cosplay a Korean girl for you, ok?”

“Yaaaaay!” he said. “Ok! My own Korean cutie!”

“That’s your birthday present!!” I announced happily.

“Ehhh…,” he said. “I think I kena con.”

(“Kena” is a Malay word meaning to get/receive a negative action.)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Yesterday. We were at the Singapore Indoor Stadium watching the Singapore Slingers duke it out with the Brisbane Bullets.

During a time-out, Michael Wong, one of the only two Singaporean players in the Singapore team, got called into the game.

Which prompted frenzied cheering in the audience because he hardly ever gets to play.

I was busy taking photographs, so I didn’t catch what was happening.

So I asked the Goonfather, “Who did Michael Wong replace?”

He pointed at the Slingers bench.

“There, that tall one.”

I gave him a narrow eye and then informed him, “THEY ARE ALL TALL LOR!!”

“Oh,” he said.

His answers are always rubbish.

By the way, it was a great match. I must be pretty lucky, because the Slingers have only won three out of 17 games and I witnessed two of those wins! The Slingers played so amazingly yesterday, my jaw was left hanging quite a bit.

Thanks again to Nicholas and Precious for the corporate box tickets!


Slinger Girls giving away an LCD TV to a lucky draw winner.


Someone has been really busy during the match…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Anyway, I’m putting the Goonfather up for rental. Need to trick, manipulate, con, insult, tease, confuse or annoy a friend (or enemy)? Call 1800-GOON-A-FRIEND today!

DXO 2nd Anniversary Party (The Goonfather pimps his ride)

Meet Makkuro Kurosuke.

I named the Goonfather’s car after the cute sooty dust bunnies invented by Hayao Miyazaki. These cuties can be seen in My Neighbour Totoro and Spirited Away.

We had racked our brains for weeks trying to come up with a nice name for the car when I jokingly suggested “makkuro kurosuke” because I have a makkuro dangly dangling on the rearview mirror. The name stuck and we started calling him Makkuro for short. (Makkuro’s a he and not a she because I think he looks cheeky, which reminds me of boys.)

Anyway, Makkuro looks like this right now.

Ahhhhhhhhh~~! Poor Makkuro.

He’s been pimped up for this coming Saturday’s DXO 2nd Anniversary party.

Part of the celebration involves a drift car convoy starting from Pasir Ris and culminating at DXO where a “top secret” drift car from Japan will be unveiled. Here’s more information about the party if you’re interested.

I’m more interested in talking about how Makkuro got pimped.

He was invited to be part of the 35-car convoy organised by RIS Culture, a drift car club, to celebrate DXO’s birthday. In exchange for free entry and free drinks, Makkuro has to wear sponsor logos for two weeks.

It hurts my eyes to look at him now because I think the colours of the sponsor logos clash and the decal placement is messy.

But some of the pimped cars actually look quite nice. A few cars out of the 35 have giant DXO decals on them.

Makkuro is jealous because he wants to be covered in DXO, too, but the people at the decal workshop gave him a windscreen DXO, instead.

The workshop people wear orange and use little pink hairdryers. Cute!

Makkuro is really charmed to be blown by a cutie pink hairdryer.

A Takumi (Initial D) wannabe is also part of the convoy.

Recognise the tofu shop sign? I like when Trueno owners put that sign on their cars. It’s funny and makes me smile.

I took a photo of myself with the cute tofu car in the background because the Goonfather is a lazy ass who hates taking photos for me.

We spent like two hours at the workshop waiting for Makkuro to finish getting pimped, so what else was there to do but take pictures?

Anyway, I hope the DXO party will be fun and worth two weeks of eyesoreness. There will be a drift performance event a day after the party but I can’t go because I have a shoot! Duh. I hate when bad timing happens.

Why did the cockroach cross the road?

Based on a true story.

EXT. ROAD – DAY

The Goonfather is driving his car with Qiaoyun in the passenger seat. The traffic is busy but slow. Cars are going at about 35 kmh.

QIAOYUN
(pointing through the windscreen)
Hey, there’s a cockroach on the road!

GOONFATHER
(driving past the cockroach)
Where?

QIAOYUN
You just ran over it.

GOONFATHER
What’s a cockroach doing on the road?
(looking at his rearview mirror)
Hey, it’s still crossing the road.

QIAOYUN
Hahaha.
(beat)
Since when do cockroaches cross roads?

GOONFATHER
(still looking at rearview mirror)
I dunno. First time I see. But it’s a clever cockroach. It knows how to siam all the car and it stops when there’s a car tyre approaching. And it’s moving again.

QIAOYUN
Hahaha. The cockroach is playing frogger.

GOONFATHER
Yeah.

QIAOYUN
Why did the cockroach cross the road?

GOONFATHER
Becaaaaaaaaause… there’s more food on the other side.

QIAOYUN
That’s stupid. Cockroaches eat EVERYTHING so there’s always lots of food EVERYWHERE for them.

GOONFATHER
Because there’s more yummy food on the other side.

QIAOYUN
What yummy food?

GOONFATHER
Bak kwa.

QIAOYUN
Cockroaches don’t eat bak kwa!!!

GOONFATHER
Are you very sure about that?

QIAOYUN
They may eat bak kwa, but they don’t enjoy it as much as I do.

GOONFATHER
How you know?

QIAOYUN
Because they have different taste buds.

GOONFATHER
How you know?

QIAOYUN
Because they don’t die from radiation so they’re different.

GOONFATHER
What’s that got to do with taste buds?

QIAOYUN
Nothing.
(beat)
But cockroaches are evil so they shouldn’t be allowed to eat bak kwa.

GOONFATHER
Why?

QIAOYUN
Cos I say so.

GOONFATHER

Qiaoyun wins the argument as is the natural order of things. She’s brilliant at senseless discussion and unbeatable at veering away from the topic. The Goonfather comes a very close second, of course.

Unfortunately, the question of why the cockroach crossed the road is still largely unanswered and, therefore, open to further speculation.

Dictionary of Hokkien terms used
1. Siam = to get out of the way
2. Bak kwa = dried barbequed meat

Goonfather’s Goonmobile

I should start a new category on the Goonfather, who just won’t quit being a nutcase.

In fact, I could start a separate blog about him and have more things to write in it than about myself.

Except that he hates being in the limelight, so I can’t blog about him too often or he’ll get shy and run away.

But I just have to post this picture.

Goonfather watering his car!

Gong xi fa cai, may it grow big and strong and clever.

That aside, allow me to wish my blog readers (who all seem to have vanished, as a matter of fact) a happy lunar new year. May you also grow big and strong and clever! And rich, so you can donate some funds over here.

No, actually, may I get rich myself so I can provide my own funds. Yippee!

新年快乐!万事如意!心想事成!

And, finally, many many fish to you.