[Photos by Justyn Olby]

You may have noticed that I’m wearing leg warmers in the first two photos but not the last two.

Totally Justyn’s doing. He’s on a misguided mission to rid me of radical cutesy outfits forever.

When we met at the studio, one of the first things he said was, “I hope you didn’t bring big shoes and socks today.”

“No,” I assured him. “I decided to be kind to you.”

When I put on this outfit, he grumbled. “Socks.”

“Back up a little, will you please, so we can get your ugly socks in the picture.”

I protested. “They’re not ugly and they’re not socks.”

“And… where do socks cover? Foot and legs, right? What do these cover?”

That sounded logical, but it wasn’t quite right, either.

I just couldn’t figure it out because I was focused on trying to look like a dumb decorative ornament while Justyn snapped away.

(And he’ll probably tell you that I am one so I don’t even have to try.)

But I had to say something, so I said, “These are leg warmers, excuse me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said. “Big difference. What is the difference between a sock and a leg warmer?”

“The length?” suggested Mark, who was my videographer that day.

“Well, what about knee high socks?” argumentative Justyn wanted to know.

“Leg warmers are sort of loose,” I said, pulling at them to demonstrate.

“My socks are loose,” he retorted.

He just never quits.

Then, Mark came up with, “They’ve got a hole in the bottom. There you go.”

And that sort of ended the argument and we went on to debate other finer points of fashion.

We had to make a barter trade, too. He’d shoot me with my leg warmers if I also let him shoot me without.

Which was fine with me, except I think I look a little naked, a little underdressed, without them, since I haven’t got any pants on.

But that was perfectly fine with Justyn and Mark, they both agreed.

Of course.