Think for me

I’m going to try an experiment today. I shan’t say what it is because then it won’t work, will it?

Ok, let’s put that experiment aside for now and think happy thoughts for me.

See, I’ve been trying out this thing called  “positive thinking” for years, but it doesn’t seem to be working. I haven’t achieved the goals I believed I would achieve.

So I figure I need help. Maybe if lots of people helped me think positive thoughts, it might work.

Let’s do a positive think swap. I think positive for you, you think positive for me. Tell me what you wish for in life and I’ll think it for you whenever I can, how about that?

It’s kinda like prayer, if you must. People believe that the more people pray for the same thing, the likelihood of it happening increases.

I’m not a religious person, so I go for new-age mumbo jumbo such as positive thinking.

~ Watch Singapore Dreaming ~

Now, what you need to think for me is very simple. Think that I’m going to be a famous actress. Simple.

Part of the fame thing is vanity. Who doesn’t want to be famous? Ok, I know many who don’t, but for every 10 people who don’t, maybe a hundred others do (but also bearing in mind that fame exacts high prices, too.)

The other part is that I want to work. I want to perform good roles in good productions every day of my life. 

I have put in a lot of effort, swallowed a lot of pride, endured being treated like a third-class citizen without complaint and always with a smile, for years, but the jobs I want aren’t coming. So I think fame will help.

Of course, it’s a chicken and egg thing. Fame won’t come without first getting that BIG JOB. But BIG JOBS don’t happen to unfamous nobodies.

Something has to come first. I’ve tried working my way up from scratch and it’s not working, so I’ve decided to change my goal from simply getting good roles to being famous. It’s a mind power thing, see. It’s ultimately the same goal, but huge ripples can be caused by tiny mind shifts.

Don’t ask me to do a Steven Lim, ok. I want to be a serious actress. I want to win serious awards with my acting.

I want to spend six months working on one role, creating it, living it, perfecting it, instead of doing two zillion insignificant roles over two months and enduring countless audition calls and rejections.

Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming. Watch Singapore Dreaming.

I want to have multitudes of people come watch me perform.

~ WATCH SINGAPORE DREAMING ~

It hurts to work so hard for years only to get rejected on a daily basis.

It hurts when people invite me to audition for extra parts. I have to be famous so that won’t ever happen again.

Well, things are going to change because I have been attending acting classes and reading acting books and getting people to positive think for me.

If hard work and lots of positive thinking don’t do it for me, I’m going to have to take up a case against the Forces That Be, whatever they may be.

By the way, Singapore Dreaming is premiering this Thursday so bring your whole family to it because it’s a great movie. And because I’m in it.

Mainly because it’s a great movie.

My tiny two-scene role isn’t anything to write home about, although it’s nice to be part of the movie. I’m a big fan of Colin Goh and felt unbelievably honoured to be chosen as part of his cast. Or maybe it was his wife and co-director, Woo Yen Yen, who gave me a vote, which is just as well because she’s an unbelievably sweet person. I don’t know, because both of them auditioned me together.

The Goonfather is also a huge Colin Goh fan. He’s got a copy of the Coxford Singlish Dictionary lying around at home. Nanny Wen drove us all crazy one day by reading aloud all the hokkien swear words in it with her banana accent. It was, I believe, a very educational day for her.

So, go watch Singapore Dreaming.

I know you will because my subliminal advertising is just brilliant and it has injected into you the inexplicable urge to go watch the movie. Hasn’t it?

~ !!!!Watch Singapore Dreaming!!!! ~

Also, please remember to positive think for me.

How nice you are.

I am everywhere

I am being spotted everywhere (list here).

But I am still very unknown, so I can still go out in shoddy clothes and no makeup, which is something I quite enjoy.

As much as I want fame and fortune, I am scared of having to dress up just to go to the neighbourhood market.

Even non-good-looking celebrities have to look glam all the time, don’t they?

Another one of my commercials (Toyo correction tape) just went on air.

And I saw my EyeRelax video playing in an endless loop outside Guardian Pharmacy at Marina Square. I don’t think anybody watches it.

But please go and buy one because if the response is good, they’ll make it a TV commercial. It’s very expensive, though.

I saw my Carlsberg commercial in the cinema two nights ago and, boy, do I look like a tart.

Okay, I shall stop criticising myself now.

On a totally separate note, Chinese New Year is a beauty hazard. I ate too many Japanese peanuts and now I have a pimple on my nose. I haven’t even started on the bak kwa yet.

This is really sad. Peanuts are evil!

I’m going to bed to sleep the pimple away.

Between fame and rubbish exposure

Recently, I was shortlisted by a modelling agency to audition for a skincare TV commercial.

I doubt my skin is in any condition to endorse a skincare product so I didn’t think I had half a chance of getting the job. But I went anyway because auditions are good networking opportunities, whether or not you end up getting the job.

So I went to this production house and found out that they were doing another round of shortlisting before the final candidates are sent off to meet the real paying client.

Duh.

Production House Person was actually someone with whom I had worked in the past. She said, “Aiyah, you should have told me you were coming. I would have just sent you directly to the client, no need to waste your time come here.”

“Never mind lah,” I said. “I live nearby anyway.”

Lame.

I should have said something PR like, “Oh, I wanted to drop by and catch up with you.” But curry favouring has never been my forte and I never can do it spontaneously.

Anyway, PH Person told me that the client wanted a fresh face because the commercial is going to be one of those before-and-after thingys.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
Before: Ugly duckling from Pimple City

–> Use XYZ skincare!!

After: Magically become princess
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to appear on TV with a face full of fake pimples.

Besides, I’m not exactly a “fresh face”. But PH Person said to go anyway. So I did (the following week) and I met the other contenders.

There were three of them and they were all 19-year-old sweet-young-thing students, all innocent and fresh looking.

I felt like I had mistakenly taken part in a beauty contest for which I was overqualified. Not in the looks department, but age. As I sat there in the room, I waited to be disqualified.

Diiiing! You’re out you’re too old how the heck did you sneak into the finals?

I tried to blend in by not talking too much and giving myself away and I think they didn’t suspect a thing because one of them tried to start a conversation with me by asking me which school I was from.

After making us wait an hour, the client finally decided to see us. I went first because I was the first to arrive at the office. I was the only punctual one, in fact. As if that makes any difference.

When I entered the room, the first words from the client were, “You look very familiar. I’ve seen you on TV before.” Except that she didn’t know who I was nor where she’d seen me before.

Not surprising.

“You look familiar” is one of the most uttered phrases uttered to me, right up there with “How old are you?”

Yeah, yeah. I am 929 years old and I’m your second uncle’s twice-removed cousin’s colleague’s gynaecologist’s great grand aunt.

Well, Ms Client said that if people have seen me on TV before, the before-and-after ad might not be too convincing.

PH Person was there and tried to put a good word in for me by saying that I was the only one who could act, and they did want someone like that.

Then, there was the customary “we’ll let you know” bs and that was it.

I think I need plastic surgery to change my looks. Everyone and his garden rake finds me familiar looking.

But no one knows who I am.

I think that is really insulting. And saddening that I’m too “famous” to appear in certain TV commercials but not actually famous enough to get celebrity endorsements.

I am the unwanted middle child.

Oh, woe.

People stare at me on the streets because they find me familiar, so I have no privacy. I suffer the disadvantages of fame but do not enjoy the benefits.

Excuse me?

I think I must have messed up somewhere.