How men fix missing buttons

Piers bought a pair of trousers from Zara recently.

(He says I have to say “trousers” and not “pants” because pants in England means underwear.)

Zara doesn’t have as good QC as I thought. The top button on his trousers popped after he’d had it only a few days. Just like that.

He said he was going to sew it back on and went off to get his “sewing kit”. It was a tiny travel kit with a few strings of thread and some needles in it. I was impressed, nonetheless.

Piers sat down, threaded a needle and then started working on his trousers.

While still wearing them.

 

Piers sewing on a button

 

I said, “What are you doing?”

He said, “Sewing my button on.”

I said, “People are not usually wearing their clothes while fixing them.”

“Oh, it’ll be alright,” he said.

 

Piers sewing on a button

 

Amazingly, he managed to put the button back where it belonged, although he eventually admitted that it was a bit more challenging that way, just that, by then, he couldn’t be bothered to disrupt his work and remove his trousers.

He reinforced the button by weaving so much thread through it that it would now take the Incredible Hulk to rip it apart.

Aesthetics don’t matter. As long as the button never falls off again.

 

Piers' buttons

 

Men.

I need your drill

So, the other day, Nanny Wen invited Unker Kell to bring his drill to her new place.

She needed one, she said, to make holes in her wall for her wall shelf or something.

The Goonfather and I tagged along to witness the making of holes. What we witnessed from the first was a half-mantled Ikea wardrobe (“mantled” being the opposite of “dismantled”, which I feel is the right word to use here even if it’s theoretically wrong) in her bedroom, lying on its side.

(Here’s Unker Kell attempting to save the wardrobe from being mishandled:)
Half-mantled

On top of the budding wardrobe we saw a tool box the size of a mobile phone. WHEN IT’S OPEN.

Hey, baby

Presumably, Wen had been trying to make furniture using screwdrivers smaller than her pinkie.

Hey, baby

The guys made a big show of groaning at the outrage, after which Unker Kell set to work putting things right while the Goonfather found a new use for the baby tools — fixing his watch.

Watch repairman

All was good until Unker Kell finished up with the wardrobe and was going to start on the drilling.

The Goonfather decided then that it was a good time to come to the rescue. He had a leveling tool he just downloaded on his iPhone called iHandy Level. It’s supposde to help you make, like, your wall paintings or whatever straight.

iHandy Level

Excitedly, because this was the first time he was using the app, the Goonfather measured two spots on the wall for Unker Kell to mark. Once marked, the drilling started.

All this time, I was outside, working on blogs. And, suddenly, I heard Wen call out to me, “QY COME HERE!!!”

I went inside. Wen pointed at her newly erected shelf and said, “Does this look straight to you?”

It was an obvious no. It was slanted like 10cm off. The boys were giggling. Or, rather, trying very hard not to giggle.

Slanted

The Goonfather said, “But the tool can’t lie. It must be straight.”

Wen said, “It is obviously not straight!!”

The Goonfather said, “Then must be your floor is not straight!”

Sweat

Anyway, he later realised that iHandy Level has to be calibrated once before use. Fortunately, the slant was so pronounced that there was actually enough space for Unker Kell to drill another hole above the wrong one, so the shelf was put to rights without much incident thereafter.

It’s so good to have guys around to do all this man stuff for us, no?