GGF#4: Bimbo, babes, barbarian

[Gamer Girl Friday]

Gamer Girl Friday is busy being an actress this whole week, so have had less time to devote to this week’s column.

If you find it in any way lacking, please divert all your complaints to the Goonfather. I asked him to help me do some research and give me some topics to write about, but he played the busy card.

Yeah, he’s busy alright. He’s busy every night playing Ninja Gaiden II and Pixel Junk Monsters and Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune (freaking old game!).

Men!

Gamers!!

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Table of Contents

  1. Sheylara plays Ninja Gaiden II
  2. Play Guitar Hero III right here right now!
  3. The babes of Metal Gear Solid 4
  4. Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Part III
  5. Dragon Ball Z Burst Limit a surprise hit
  6. Winner of Ninja Gaiden II contest
  7. Winner of Grand Theft Auto IV contest
  8. Ask Sheylara
  9. Win a 1GB thumb drive!!

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Sheylara plays Ninja Gaiden II

Bimbo alert!

I’m really sorry. I very suck at action fighter games. Well, we can’t all be good at everything.

I hardly ever play this genre of games and I didn’t even know who Ryu Hayabusa was prior to my involvement with the recent NG2 Xbox 360 launch campaign.

Just be warned that I will be very painful to watch.

(Before you go on, please check your own IC. If you’re under 18, you’re not allowed to watch it because it’s a violent game!)

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Play Guitar Hero III right here right now!

Wear out your keyboard on this Guitar Hero III widget! It has only three songs, but it’s fun enough. Play it here!

Apparently, if you stay in the top ten leaderboard, you can win prizes from Rocket XL and Activision.

Not for me. On my second try on Easy mode, I only got like 75,000 points. The current highest legal score is 657,987. WTF? (I think the top three are illegal because their scores are like 999999999999.)

Well, I’m not playing anymore because I’d rather play the real GH3. Then again, if I had the time, I’d rather play Rock Band… until Guitar Hero World Tour comes out!

OMG I seriously can’t wait for GHWT!!

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The babes of Metal Gear Solid 4

Well, the Goonfather not only didn’t help me do research for interesting stuff to talk about, he forced me to talk about Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriot (what a mouthful).

He said, “You must write about it! It’s… it’s… well, it’s Metal Gear Solid!!!”

Yeah, like I care.

Well, ok. I have to admit that, although I only started becoming a console gamer last year (largely because of Wii and Guitar Hero and Rock Band), I have seen the previous installments of MGS and I really enjoyed watching people play it.

I prefer watching rather than playing myself because the game goes faster that way. If you’ve watched my NG2 video (above) till the end, you’ll know what I mean.

Anyway, one of the most interesting things about MGS4 are the beauties. Auditions were held around the world to seek the most beautiful women to serve as models for MGS4 characters.

I’m jealous. I want to be a game character, too.


Lyndall Jarvis, a famous USA model who has modelled for brands such as Guess and Bebe.


Scarlett Chorvat, a Hollywood actress and fashion model, last seen in Entourage and 24.


Yumi Kikuchi, a multi-talented Japanese artiste who can be seen in Godzilla: Final Wars.


Mieko Rye, a USA fashion model whose Maxim swimsuit spread has slain many a man.

Well, you’ll be seeing these faces in-game soon! MGS4 releases in like less than a week!

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Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Pt III

Read Part 1 | Part 2

Sheylara couldn’t wait to get into the city of Tortage now that she’s got her hair done and all.

[The Barbarian Dream]

As the kind-hearted and innocent barbarian girl walked towards the city gates, she chattered excitedly to her friend, Casilda, “What shall we do first thing we get inside?”

Casilda turned evasive, like she’d done when they’d been ambushed earlier. “Um… we’ll see.”

Not noticing because she was so excited, Sheylara continued, “Well, of course, I will want a cream soda first.”

The girls stopped right in front of the gates, where they were met by an imposing man wearing a huge question mark above his head.

[He wondered why he suffered a headache all the time]

He was busy barking orders at a quivering soldier but he spotted the girls and yelled, “Halt! Who goes there!” giving Sheylara an awful fright.

Casilda giggled. “Aww, sweetie Laranga, it’s me. I love when you exert your authority!”

Laranga’s eyes softened. “Yer all right, gal. Go on in.”

As Casilda went through the gates, Sheylara tried to follow.

She was stopped.

[You couldn't see into his eyes]

“Not so fast. Where do you think you’re going, delinquent?”

“I…” began Sheylara.

Casilda giggled and winked at Sheylara. “See you on the inside, babe!” And then she disappeared into the city.

[It was an abrupt farewell]

“But…” repeated Sheylara, flustered.

“All delinquents must prove their worth before being let in!” boomed Laranga.

“But…” Sheylara attempted again.

“The blacksmith needs help. Go to him.”

He gestured vaguely at a direction before returning his attention to the still quivering soldier.

[It was futile]

Disappointed and confused, muttering curses at Casilda, Sheylara trudged wearily away.

Before long, she came upon a scary-looking man with black stripes on his face.

[How's the weather today, mate?]

He was just standing there, not doing anything much.

In his hand was a hammer but Sheylara couldn’t see an anvil anywhere in sight.

“Excuse me,” said Sheylara. “That man over there said you needed help?”

“Right,” said the blacksmith. “You go through there, wind ’round the lake a bit, cross a bridge, get past a couple nasty pirates (you might haveta kill ’em), there’s some bricks them pirates have stolen. Get ’em for me.”

Sheylara gaped at him, confused. “You want me to fetch you bricks?”

[It was a confusing time for her]

“Them’s the orders, miss.”

“Kill pirates?”

“Them’s the orders, miss.”

“But you’re just standing here doing nothing!”

“Them’s the orders, miss.”

“But…”

But the blacksmith had turned into stone and just stood there impassively, waiting for his next showtime.

[He was going for the statue championship title]

Indignant but not having a choice, Sheylara went off to do as she was told. Night was looming and she didn’t want to have to sleep out in the open.

(To be continued next week…)

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Dragon Ball Z Burst Limit a surprise hit

Well, it’s a surprise to me, anyway. The game is supposed to release next Tuesday and I haven’t heard anyone talk about it.

Nobody I know ever talks about Dragon Ball games. Nobody I know ever plays them.

But what’s remarkable is that I posted a video clip of the gameplay two months ago on YouTube and I’ve gotten over 100,000 views, 285 comments and 109 favourites for just that little pixelated clip.

I’ve also gotten at least two pirates stealing my clip and reposting it on YouTube as their own. (That’s why I watermark all my videos now.)

Here’s the clip!

I do like Dragon Ball but more specifically the manga. I love it! I just can’t quite get into the movies and the games. The anime is alright, but the manga pure owns.

So, what do you think? Do you know anyone who is buying or planning to buy Dragon Ball Z Burst Limit?

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Winner of Ninja Gaiden II contest

As part of last week’s contest, I got readers to share interesting or funny gaming encounters they’ve had.

A lucky draw was conducted to pick a winner.

The lucky winner is Aves! He went home with a brand new Ninja Gaiden II box (kindly sponsored by the Xbox 360 team in Singapore) on official launch day, no less!

[Congratulations!]

Here is Aves’ winning entry:

When playing Team Deathmatch in COD4, we often need to tell our team mates the locations of the enemy. So one fine day, when playing in the Chinatown map from the latest map pack, our dearest Smoe starts telling us that the enemy is in the MUSHROOM SHOP. This went on for a few weeks without anyone ever knowing where the heck the mushroom shop is at.

Finally, we all couldn’t take it and we created a private match. Asked everyone to cease-fire and made Smoe lead us to the Mushroom shop. So everyone gathered at the main road in Chinatown and Smoe led us into a house and started showing us the mushrooms…

Upon first look, I saw that those were fishes and furthermore, there were lobsters beside those fishes so I was pretty sure.

Me: WTF, these are fishes la!!!!
Smoe: Oops ok, these are fishes. The mushrooms are here!

*brings us to the room next door*

Me: OMG!! These are mussels! -_-”””””””

I proceeded to bring Smoe outside the shop and showed him the signboard stating:

KAR PG CO (large fonts)
Fish Market (small fonts)

From then on, we all call the place the mushroom shop even though we know it’s a fish market.

For those interested in knowing where the mushroom shop is, check out this link.

Moral of the story: Read signboards

Thank you, Aves, and congratulations! How’s Ninja Gaiden II so far, eh? ;)

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Winner of Grand Theft Auto IV contest

It’s modchip!!!!!!

*streamers* *clickers* *balloons* *poppers*

Well, modchip doesn’t live in Singapore, so I couldn’t hand him the prize personally. So, I’ll have to mail it to him!

modchip wins a copy of GTA4 for the Xbox 360 for taking part in the “Review Gamer Girl Friday” contest.

I had tasked readers to write a review of my column. Best review wins.

I think all entries were really good and I wish I could award everyone a prize. But I finally picked modchip’s entry because it’s evident that he spent a lot of time on the screenshots, which he collaged into a nice overall image of Gamer Girl Friday!

[Congratulations!]
Click to read his entry

Thank you and congratulations! Your prize will be mailed to you soon!

I would also like to make special mention of some of the entries that I really liked but I unfortunately don’t have more than one prize to give out.

-=}{oT~dEv1L 666=- wrote a really long and flattering entry (although he is underaged and therefore not eligible for the contest, lol).

Junhao offered some constructive opinions.

aigatdula gave me some useful suggestions.

Thank you all, guys! I hope you will win something in my future contests! ;)

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Ask Sheylara

Ask me any gaming-related questions! Post them in the comments or e-mail me, I don’t really care. I will try to answer all questions (unless I get like 500 questions a day).

Hun Boon asks a Rock Band question:

Can you use the guitar from Guitar Hero 3 for Rock Band?

Sheylara Says:

It depends on which console you’re playing on.

On the PS3, the GH and RB guitars are not compatible with each other.

On the Xbox 360, you can use GH guitars on RB, but not the other way round.

Gamespot has a useful guitar compatibility chart if you need to know the details.

On a side note, Rock Band is still not available for the Asian region code Xbox 360 and there is still no ETA. We’ve become thumb-twiddling experts.

fanatic86 asks an Age of Conan question:

Sheylara, may I know what server and guild you’re in on AoC? How about coming to Gwahlur to join us? There’s a big Singaporean guild here and it’s very fun.

Sheylara Says:

I’m in Old Timers Guild in Thog, which has many Singaporeans, too. But I do also know many people in Gwahlur. It’s just that I chose Thog because I hate PvP. :P

But, anyway, I really hardly have time to play AoC now. I am still at level 10!!!! All the same, thanks for the invitation. Maybe I’ll create a character in Gwahlur when I have a bit of time, just to say hi! ;)

rajiv asks a Wii question:

I got a Japanese Wii and I set up the Internet using your translater. Now, when I click on the Wii shop, it says something in Japanese and the only button there is is to go back to the main menu. I cannot access Wii shop.

Sheylara Says:

Sorry, but I can’t help you unless I know what the page says! Next time, send me a screenshot and I’ll see if I can help.

Well, I’m not getting 500 questions a day, which is actually a good thing because, otherwise, my e-mail would bust, along with the capillaries in my brain.

But keep those questions coming! Let’s see some funny questions, too, because I’m tired of answering serious questions. Haha.

Hmm. Maybe I will make that this week’s contest.

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Win a 1GB thumb drive!!

I’m tired of giving away games, so here’s something different for a change.

How about a thumb drive? I’ve got a snazzy looking Nokia N-Gage thumb drive which comes with a lanyard!

[Win me!]

[Win me!]

One could never have too many thumbdrives, I always say. I used to have a sleek Sony one, but it stopped working only after a few months. Sad!

Okay, the rules this week!

  • Ask me an interesting or funny question (doesn’t have to be but preferably gaming related).
  • You can post here or e-mail me.
  • You can use a pseudonym if you wish.
  • My favourite question wins the prize!

There is no closing date for questions, of course, but I’m awarding the thumb drive next Friday, so if your question comes after that, well, that’s that, then.

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I hope you enjoyed this week’s Gamer Girl Friday!

I have to take my leave now because today I’m also Actress Girl Friday and I’ve got to rush off to NAFA for my performance tonight.

Please be liberal with your comments and suggestions because Gamer Girl Friday needs your feedback to get better!

Have an awesome weekend!

[Gamer Girl Friday]

GGF#3: Monsters invading my bedroom

[Gamer Girl Friday]

The irony of being a gaming writer/editor and generally working in the gaming industry is that one hardly gets to play games because one gets so busy with work.

I’m reading and writing about games more than I’m actually playing them, which is a dreadful shame. Can you believe that I’m only level 7 in Age of Conan and I got that game about 10 days ago?

Well, I suppose there’s always Rock Band. I try to keep my weekend evenings free to jam with my friends and we’d play till the wee hours of the morning.

I love my life, nevertheless (when I’m not being hassled by idiots).

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Table of Contents

  1. Monsters invading my bedroom
  2. Enter the World of Wifecraft
  3. Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Part II
  4. Ninja Gaiden II gameplay (sneak preview!)
  5. Someone won the mystery prize
  6. Six more days to win Grand Theft Auto IV!
  7. Ask Sheylara
  8. Win a Ninja Gaiden II game!

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Monsters invading my bedroom

So, the Goonfather has been addicted to the silliest of games for over two weeks now, playing it every night before going to bed.

It’s one of those cheap arcade games you can download from the PlayStation 3 Network for a ridiculously low price, which just goes to show that it’s a silly game.

[All your, um, trees are belong to us]

It’s called Pixel Junk Monsters, supposedly inspired by the ever-popular Tower Defense. The Goonfather claims that it’s gotten the whole world addicted to it.

You play this old man who looks like a cross between a tortoise and a spoon.

I am totally not joking.

[It's a busy world]

Your whole sad mission in life is to repeatedly protect a bunch of ugly-looking baby freaks from getting eaten by wave after wave of invading monsters.

[We are freaks, hear us squeak]

As a side note, I would like to comment that the monsters are infinitely better looking than the tortoise man and his sad babies.

[Panda bears]

Those freakish babies, may I inform you, do not add value at all to your existence as a tortoise man because they just jiggle around in a corner and don’t even lift a finger to help you (assuming they have fingers) and just meekly get eaten by monsters without putting up half a fight.

[Save the trees!]

When I watch the game, I feel terribly sad for the tortoise man (who the Goonfather informed me is not actually a tortoise but a village chieftain wearing a shield on his back). Every second of the game, you’re making him scurry around the screen frantically, performing any one of the following tasks:

  1. Turn trees into artillery towers to shoot at monsters that come close.
  2. Pick up coins and gems dropped by dead monsters before they disappear.
  3. Stand in a tower and do a silly awkward dance rivalling William Hung’s virgin performance. Towers get upgraded when you’ve danced long enough in them.
  4. Unlock new artillery with the coins/gems you pick up.
  5. Try not to get eaten by the monsters yourself.

It’s a simple game that’s not simple, if you get what I mean. The levels get harder and babies get eaten faster.

[Winter is when summer is not]

I don’t know about you, but I’d just let the babies get eaten and then I can wash my hands off ’em and run off to Maui to relax on the beach with all the coins I picked up from the dead monsters.

I don’t know. Some people are just weird.

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Enter the World of Wifecraft

This video is a must-watch for everyone, gamer or not. While being kookily entertaining, it also explores a very serious social problem that has plagued humanity since MMORPGs were invented.

It’s the problem of spousal neglect resulting from MMORPG addiction. This video offers a solution… or not.

It’s not exactly rofl-funny, but it’s very, very amusing. I love how these men have name and guild tags above their heads! Haha!

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Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Pt II

Read Part I first

Sheylara and her new friend, Casilda, had been trekking through the jungle for a few hours now. Hot and thirsty, the girls decided to stop for a drink.

[She waited for the brick to fall]

“Hey!” Casilda suddenly shouted out. “I know a shortcut to the city!”

“Why didn’t you say so earlier?”

“Well… it isn’t exactly the safest route.”

“Forget it, then. I don’t want to get hacked again.”

The girls were silent for a moment before Casilda ventured again. “If we took that shortcut, we could get there so much faster…”

“No.”

“But…”

“No.”

“I’ll help you beat away the mobs. C’mon.”

So, it was that Sheylara allowed herself to be talked into taking that shortcut.

[It was a nice and sunny day out]

[The pigs had been at it again]

As she stepped hesitantly through the arched opening, Sheylara had a feeling that something wasn’t right.

She was right.

“YUAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” was the next thing she heard, and then…

[It was a refreshing bloodbath]

“To arms! To arms!” cried Sheylara. “Flank my right!”

The intended recipient of her cries, unfortunately, had considered and promptly rejected Sheylara’s suggestion of strategic flanking, preferring instead to hang back and offer help by applauding.

[Everyone needs an audience]

“Oooh, fierce!” clapped Casilda, her eyes widening in both fear and delight.

“CASIIIIIILLLDAAAAAA!” shrieked Sheylara, and then she could speak no more.

[The air smells fresher at the bottom]

“WTF,” said Sheylara’s corpse.

“Oh dear, oh dear,” fussed Casilda. “What a mess. You’ve got gore all over your new swimsuit.”

Sheylara would have strangled Casilda if her corpse had been able to move. “I am dead and you’re worried about gore on my swimsuit!?!?!”

“Awfully sorry, mate,” said Casilda. “I’ll, uh, I’ll keep watch here while you release and run back, okay?”

Muttering curses under her non-existent breath, Sheylara released back to her spawn point and started trekking back. She had half a mind to leave the dumb blonde to her own devices, but she needed someone to show her the way to Tortage.

Sighing wearily, Sheylara made her way back to Casilda.

“No more shortcuts!” demanded Sheylara, once kind-hearted and innocent, now still reasonably kind-hearted but not quite so innocent anymore.

“Alright, alright!” said Casilda amiably.

The scenic route to Tortage took the two girls the better half of the day but they eventually arrived at an impressively intimidating gateway.

[Blue skies, nothing but blue skies every day]

“Oooh, the city of Tortage!” Sheylara sucked in a deep breath of awe.

[The city that never sleeps]

Excitedly but reverently, Sheylara pushed open the gate and stepped through.

[The natural city]

“What kind of city is this?” sputtered Sheylara. “There’s nothing but trees!”

“We’re not there yet. This is only the city perimeter.”

“Oh.”

The girls continued walking and came upon a road sign pointing the way to the city.

[That way to the rest of your life]

“I feel cheated,” said Sheylara. “I thought we were there already. I’m tired.”

“Aww, don’t,” Casilda said. “Tell you what, I’ll do your hair to make you feel better!”

“Well, I don’t…” began Sheylara.

She stopped abruptly as the real city gate of Tortage loomed before her.

[She considered the best way to scale them walls]

“Is this is?” Sheylara eyed the structure suspiciously.

“Yes!” beamed Casilda.

“Ooh!” Sheylara danced with joy. “Let’s hurry! I’m dying for a cream soda!”

“But what about that hairdo?”

“I really don’t…”

“You want to look your best when you enter the city, don’t you? Think of the hundreds of barbarians you’re going to meet!”

“Well… okay.”

“Awesome!”

So, Casilda did magic with her fingers and transformed Sheylara into a new barbarian. Her job done, the sometimes hairstylist clapped her hands to her ample bosom and gushed proudly. “It’s sooooo beautiful!”

“Lemme see! Lemme see!” cried Sheylara as she skipped to the nearest pond to look.

[The makeover took a really long time]

“OMG,” said the relatively kind-hearted and still a little innocent Sheylara. “What have you done?! I’m a…”

“Blonde!” finished Casilda.

“But…but…”

“Haven’t you heard?” smiled Casilda sagely. “Blondes have more fun!”

(To be continued next week…)

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Ninja Gaiden II gameplay (sneak preview!)

I know you guys can’t wait for the launch, so here’s a short teaser clip of the Ninja Gaiden II gameplay, showing Ryu Hayabusa fight his way to the first boss!

If you click on the screen to go to the YouTube page, you can select the high quality video option.

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Someone won the mystery prize

Last week, as a side contest, I invited readers to rank the three major consoles in answer to another reader’s question.

I am pleased to announce metal_spider as the winner of this contest!

Thank you for your answer. You win the mystery prize of a PSP pouch!

Front view:
[Front]

Back view:
[Back]

It’s a soft pouch. It looks crumpled because it’s new.

Congratulations, metal_spider!

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Six more days to win Grand Theft Auto IV!

There is still time left to try and win yourself a Grand Theft Auto IV box for the Xbox 360!

[Grand Theft Auto IV]

Click here to read the rules if you’ve forgotten all about it.

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Ask Sheylara

Ask me any gaming-related questions! Post them in the comments or e-mail me, I don’t really care. I will try to answer all questions (unless I get like 500 questions a day).

ToughGuy asks an irrelevant question:

Will you marry me?

Sheylara Says:

Um…. no, not really. Awfully nice of you to ask, though. NEXT!!

Jason Ng asks an Xbox 360 question:

Can you recommend me some Xbox 360 games that are must-buy? Anything but FPS games cos I don’t like them.

Sheylara Says:

Here are some of the more popular non-FPS Xbox 360 titles:

Ninja Gaiden II (coming June 4)
Grand Theft Auto IV
Assassin’s Creed
Mass Effect
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Lost Odyssey

Why not try some FPS, though. The Halo series is one of the best-selling titles exclusive to the Xbox and it’s really a shame for an Xbox owner not to have played it. Try Halo 3, the latest in the series, at least!

Bunnie asks a Rock Band question:

I read that you play Rock Band. Can you share how to become better at playing it? I like it but always can’t catch up with the notes.

Sheylara Says:

Uh… how do you get better at anything? Practice lah. For any instrument you choose to play, start with the easiest songs on Easy mode. Play each song until you can get it almost perfect, then move on.

If there are segments that keep causing you to lose marks, go into Training mode and play the song on a slower speed. Gradually increase the speed and practice until you can play it with your eyes close.

Any specific questions and answers you want to read in Ask Sheylara? Well, ask Sheylara! You can use a pseudonym if you don’t want your name to be splashed all over here.

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Win a Ninja Gaiden II game!

Why, yes, I just happen to have another game to give away this week, you lucky fellas!

I don’t want to make it a habit and spoil you, but I gotta give ’em away as I get them, don’t I?

This week’s prize is a Ninja Gaiden II game, exclusive for the Xbox 360!

[Ryu Hayabusa demands royalties for his appearance]

How to win this week’s prize

  1. Tell me something funny or interesting you’ve encountered as a gamer, whether in real life or ingame (no word count requirement).
  2. Post it in the comments here by June 3, 2008, 11:59 pm
  3. A lucky draw will be conducted to pick a winner from all entries.

Once I’ve got a winner, I will contact you via e-mail immediately and try to arrange to give you your prize on June 4 so you can own the game on the very first day of game release!

Exciting, no?

Well, obviously, if the winner is from overseas, you’ll just have to wait till the prize gets mailed to you.

Now, get to it! This contest lasts only four days!

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I wonder if anyone ever reads this bit at the end.

Because Gamer Girl Friday is such a physically long entry, I have a thought that most people just stop reading halfway and go away. Some might read selectively by clicking on only the topics they’re interested in (since I’ve so helpfully incorporated a very convenient navigation system for yous).

Well, if no one’s reading this, should I be shortening my keyboard’s lifespan by typing away here just for the sake of having a last word?

That’s kind of a rhetorical question, but you can answer it if you like, if only to prove me wrong about there being no one reading this.

Have a fantastic weekend!

[Gamer Girl Friday]