Two nights ago, the Goonfather came home from work, excited.

“I want to let you hear something!”

“Okay.”

“It’s the most irritating tune in the whole world!!”

I narrow-eyed him. “If it’s irritating, why are you so excited? And I don’t want to hear it.”

“No, no, you must hear it. It’s one of those, when you’re forced to listen to it over and over again, you start to love it.”

“Huh?”

And then he played it and I went OMG WTF is wrong with you?

He said his Filipino colleague has it for his ring tone, and his phone rings like all the time, so the whole department is forced to hear the tune all day.

Apparently, the song is all the rage in the Philippines and it comes with a dance.

“I show you!!” enthused the Goonfather.

“OMG no.” My face turned as pale as a bleached egg as I looked at him pleadingly not to initiate me into his newfound religion.

“Here!!!!” he said.

The Goonfather grinned. “It’s the Papaya Dance!”

I exploded. “Why the orange fizz soda are you watching a bunch of scrawny, half-naked boys wiggle in front of a webcam?”

“It’s funny! Hahahahaha! My colleague was dancing it in the office and playing his ring tone and irritating the hell out of everyone.”

He then started opening up a zillion tabs on his browser to download more Papaya Dance videos. YouTube is apparently flooded with them. There are 1,700 results when you search “Papaya Dance”.

I exploded again.

“Why are you not searching for Edison Chen Gillian Chung sex scandal pictures and videos like all other normal males in the whole world are doing right now?!!”

“What’s that?”

I gaped at him.

“You have not heard of the Edison Chen Gillian Chung (and apparently Cecilia Chung too) sex scandal??!!!”

“No.”

He got up and started doing the Papaya Dance, winking at me suggestively.

“What is wrong with you??! OMG DON’T DO THAT!!!”

“What Edison?”

“Edison Chen!!!”

“Oh yeah, I think I heard before. Some actor is it?”

“YES.”

“What scandal?”

I took a deep breath and counted to three.

“I can’t believe you know of some stupid papaya gig but you don’t know the Edison Gillian sex scandal. It’s everywhere on the Internet right now!! You can’t go on the Internet and not see it!!”

“Who cares about some stupid actors having sex?”

He finished dancing and played the next Papaya Dance video on his browser.

The crazy Papaya tune filled the room once again.