A Chinese Wedding — Hotel Havoc

Imagine having to be up at 4 am to get ready for someone else’s wedding. (Ok lah, I had to wake up earlier than the others because I’m vain and take a longer time to get ready.)

I only slept for two hours because I had work to finish (while the Goonfather, Morte and Wang Wang played Guitar Hero 3 in my room the night before).

Anyway, the wedding.

By the time we were done with the morning festivities, which included the bride pickup, tea ceremonies, lunch buffets and shuffling back and forth endlessly between three homes, I was quite bushed. I’m sure everyone was.

By then, the hotel bed was a welcome sight!

Kerrendor and Minou held their wedding banquet at Goodwood Park Hotel and they booked us rooms to crash in before the banquet.

The brothers had one room, the sisters another. But most of the sisters went home for some reason or other, so Wang Wang and I had one room all to ourselves!! Woooeeee!!

We staked our claim right away!

The room was nice and spacious.

But I didn’t get to enjoy the space for too long because, right after taking these photos, I took off my clothes and jumped into bed.

And snoozed for two hours while Wang Wang flitted about the hotel, visiting the bridal suite, the brothers’ room, and I dunno what else she was doing.

At 3:45 pm, my phone alarm woke me up. I had to get ready for the banquet rehearsal.


Tried to flatten the kinks in my hair, freshen up my makeup and choose a dress, all in 15 minutes.

(I was having a dress crisis and didn’t decide what to wear until three hours before the banquet. I brought two dresses and Joey brought two for me to try on.)

I finally settled on the cheapest of the lot — a $30 dress I had bought on a whim two days before. *lol*

I tried to take a photo of it off the ballroom’s wall mirror. But the stupid mirror was layered and made me look funny.

So I had a picture with Joey, instead.

I know it’s unrelated but I don’t really care.

I also took a picture when everyone had arrived and were discussing their respective duties.

I thought the picture turned out funny. Like an interrogation or something. Hahaha.

My job was to be the emcee, together with Morte. (That’s why I was having a dress crisis, because I didn’t have anything formal enough to wear for the job.)

You know, I tasked the Goonfather with taking photos of me and Morte on stage. And the whole entire night, he only took ONE LOUSY SUPER BLUR PHOTO!

I had to turn up the brightness and contrast drastically in order for the people in the photo to be recognised as human beings.


Now you know why I always take my own photographs.

Anyway, after the fifth course of the banquet, Morte and I were relieved of our emcee duties. We could sit back and start on the alcohol!

Four full glasses of pure brandy, waiting for the groom. OMG.

After some thought, the guys decided that it was too evil.

So they threw in two glasses of beer to neutralise the brandy.


Anyway, everyone knows that the arrival of heavy duty alcohol marks the beginning of unbridled debauchery!

Morte stole one of the wedding balloons and resculptured it.

It was such a hit that the guys placed it on an ambrosial pedestal of honour.

Check out the amount of alcohol our table consumed (and spilled, if you can see the big faded red patch).

The orange soda in the wine glass is mine, by the way.

I was a paragon of virtue trapped in a decadent vice city!!

After the banquet, the vice squad trooped up to the bridal suite to revel in more debauchery.

They pretended at first. Just sat there modestly as if they were just having a merry little tea party.

Indulged in quaint methods of eye therapy.

Sipped red wine out of dainty Chinese tea cups.

An innocent bystander would not have been prepared for the aftermath.

And what an aftermath it was.

Without warning, it went from this:

To this:

And this:

Paragon of virtue traumatised:

After almost 24 hours of celebration, the wedding finally came to an end with everyone stumbling off to any available hotel room, leaving the newly-weds to clean up the mess.

What an amazing experience, even if some parts were traumatising. Gotta love my friends!

Happy ever after, Kerrendor and Minou!