When torturous is funny

Already ten sessions into the California Fitness BodyAge™ Challenge, I’m still laughing uncontrollably during my workouts.

Sheylara at the gym

I thought I would get tired of laughing, eventually, because there’s only so much humour one can milk out of a particular situation.

But working out is still fun. And funny.

Especially if you’ve got a trainer like Mr Eric Goh, Nightmare Incarnate.

Sheylara at the gym

It’s quite amazing how he can torture you and make you laugh at the same time.

Over the years (six years, I believe), he has accumulated a fine collection of nicknames given by his fitness clients, for example, Evil Eric. I believe my contributions were “Slave driver” and “Sadist”.

And to think that when I first laid eyes on him, I had thought, “Oh, he looks kind and harmless.”

Sheylara at the gym

Station #1

Quadriceps training. It’s damn heavy, by the way.

Sheylara at the gym

Eric: Be careful when you’re working out on this piece of equipment. Don’t ever let go your legs.

Sheylara: Why?

Eric: Because the only things supporting this weight are your legs. If you let go, it was crash down all the way until something stops it. Which is you.

Sheylara: Why so dangerous one!

Eric: Yes, so don’t let go.

Sheylara: But you’re holding on to it, right??

Eric: Who says I am?

Sheylara at the gym

Station #2

Sheylara at the gym

Eric: So, what did you do over the weekend?

Sheylara: Blah blah blah.

Eric: Nice!

Sheylara: Hey! Stop talking to me. You’re not counting when you’re talking to me!

Eric: Of course I am.

Sheylara: How?!

Eric: By how much your muscles are trembling.

Sheylara at the gym

Station #3

Doing ab curls.

Sheylara at the gym

Eric: You’re doing well, keep it up.

Eric: 27… 28… 29… 20!… 21… 22…

Sheylara: ?

Eric: Don’t stop! 26… 27… 28… 29… 20!

Sheylara: WTF?!

Sheylara at the gym

Station #4

Eric: Okay, okay, don’t say I bully you. We play a game now.

Sheylara at the gym

Eric: When I pass the ball to you, swing it to your right, then pass back to me again.

Sheylara: It’s damn hard lah. I can’t move it. Hahahahaha.

Eric: Yes, you can. See I’m doing it, too.

Sheylara at the gym

Sheylara: You didn’t just finish doing 3,493,504 reps on the abs bench!!

Eric: Aiyoh… stop laughing. Later you hurt yourself.

Sheylara: Too late. I’m gone.

Sheylara at the gym

Eric: Very good. Start from one again!

I love pain

Last Friday, I submitted my first food log to Eric Goh, my trainer at California Fitness.

Food log

He came back saying, “And why is your breakfast at 3 pm??”

Actually, 3 pm is considered early for me. I usually have “breakfast” between 4 pm and 8 pm, depending on how busy I am.

He also said:

  • Cut down on carbs after 6:30 pm.
  • Cut all fried food. (!!!!!!! x 100,000)
  • Dinner should be lighter than breakfast.
  • Take clear soupy food if you must eat at a crazy hour like after midnight.

All very noble aspirations for me to strive for. I have to constantly chant the mantras of my favourite sports brands.



That kinda helps a bit… until someone walks past me with a box of steaming hot KFC an hour after I get off from an exhausting gym session and I’m starving.

But I am proud to announce that I haven’t eaten a single bit of fried food for two whole days now.

Not two seconds. Not two minutes. That’s TWO WHOLE DAYS. Thank you for the applause.

Training at the gym
Eric attempts to convince me that being strapped to a machine resembling a torture rack and hanging by my arms like that is good for me.

By the way, the photos I’m showing today are of the same batch from my first session.

There’s some red tape involved in getting approval to take photos in the gym, so I won’t be able to do it too often.

Well, the plus point of having a personal trainer (even a sadistic one) is having someone show you the proper way to use an exercise equipment so you don’t hurt yourself or train your muscles the wrong way or something like that.

Training at the gym

And even if you know how to train properly, a trainer will keep you from cheating.

Training at the gym
Trying to cheat but failing because of evil trainer’s eagle eyes.

After two insane sessions, my body is still taking it well.

I’m still able to type, at least.

But if I try to do more than type, for instance if I try to make the bed, my arms will call 999 and report me for attempted murder.

Buying Tramadol in a regular pharmacy is problematic, especially if you don’t have a valid prescription. To save time and effort, I buy the tablets on https://ringandfitness.com/meds/tramadol/. I can place an order on the website in a couple of clicks and make an e-payment. It guarantees privacy, which is important for me. Besides, I like that the delivery takes a day or two.

Training at the gym

Stretching after each muscle group workout is very important.

Training at the gym

It gives you an excuse to escape doing more reps.

Just tell your trainer, “Wait, wait! I need to stretch some more!”

Before you know it, your hour will be up.

Then your trainer will dump you on an elliptical and make you climb-on-the-spot for 20 minutes maintaining an RPM of about 353,729, while he goes off to think up more evil things to inflict upon you for the next session.

Training at the gym

Whee. I can’t wait.

I have invented a third mantra to help me get through the next two months: