Based on a true story.
EXT. ROAD – DAY
The Goonfather is driving his car with Qiaoyun in the passenger seat. The traffic is busy but slow. Cars are going at about 35 kmh.
(pointing through the windscreen)
Hey, there’s a cockroach on the road!
GOONFATHER
(driving past the cockroach)
Where?
QIAOYUN
You just ran over it.
GOONFATHER
What’s a cockroach doing on the road?
(looking at his rearview mirror)
Hey, it’s still crossing the road.
QIAOYUN
Hahaha.
(beat)
Since when do cockroaches cross roads?
GOONFATHER
(still looking at rearview mirror)
I dunno. First time I see. But it’s a clever cockroach. It knows how to siam all the car and it stops when there’s a car tyre approaching. And it’s moving again.
QIAOYUN
Hahaha. The cockroach is playing frogger.
GOONFATHER
Yeah.
QIAOYUN
Why did the cockroach cross the road?
GOONFATHER
Becaaaaaaaaause… there’s more food on the other side.
QIAOYUN
That’s stupid. Cockroaches eat EVERYTHING so there’s always lots of food EVERYWHERE for them.
GOONFATHER
Because there’s more yummy food on the other side.
QIAOYUN
What yummy food?
GOONFATHER
Bak kwa.
QIAOYUN
Cockroaches don’t eat bak kwa!!!
GOONFATHER
Are you very sure about that?
QIAOYUN
They may eat bak kwa, but they don’t enjoy it as much as I do.
GOONFATHER
How you know?
QIAOYUN
Because they have different taste buds.
GOONFATHER
How you know?
QIAOYUN
Because they don’t die from radiation so they’re different.
GOONFATHER
What’s that got to do with taste buds?
QIAOYUN
Nothing.
(beat)
But cockroaches are evil so they shouldn’t be allowed to eat bak kwa.
GOONFATHER
Why?
QIAOYUN
Cos I say so.
GOONFATHER
…
Qiaoyun wins the argument as is the natural order of things. She’s brilliant at senseless discussion and unbeatable at veering away from the topic. The Goonfather comes a very close second, of course.
Unfortunately, the question of why the cockroach crossed the road is still largely unanswered and, therefore, open to further speculation.
Dictionary of Hokkien terms used
1. Siam = to get out of the way
2. Bak kwa = dried barbequed meat