His weekend of mischief

Piers is away in Amsterdam with his buddies so I’m enjoying a weekend of solitude, the happiest feature of which is that I can have candy for breakfast without being told off.

On a normal day, we would Skype (since MSN has shut down) while he’s at work and I’m at home. And we’d exchange notes about our respective meals. I know it makes us sound like rather drab people but there’s an element of competition to it.


“I’m having a giant breakfast of bacon, eggs, mushrooms, tomatoes, baked beans and toast. What are YOU having?”

“Pfft. Sounds boring. I’M having Rowntrees Sour Pastilles! :D”


Candy for breakfast


Then the scolding comes.

“You can’t have sweets for breakfast!”

“Why not?”

“It’s not a proper breakfast!”

“It’s made with 25% real fruit juice!”


Okay, maybe that just makes us sound sad.


BUT this weekend he is away, so, while we still exchange meal notes via phone text, he is less eligible to be judgemental of my meal choices because he himself is not in any position to be Mr Healthy, right now.

Piers has gone away to Amsterdam for three days to celebrate(?) one of his mate’s upcoming marriage. Yes, it’s a 3D2N stag party and I don’t need to tell you what men do at stag parties. What more a stag party in Amsterdam involving 10 hot-blooded males.

Okay, I’ll tell you anyway.

They drink beer. Enough beer to displace every ounce of fluid in the human body, including the brain, which begets a vicious cycle of poor choices.

(From Wikipedia: “The total amount of water in a man of average weight (70 kilograms) is approximately 40 litres.”)

Here’s a look at the first half of their itinerary (because it’s still happening even as I’m blogging). The times are approximate because I’ve had to piece everything together from sporadic text messages.



1:30 pm – Arrive in Amsterdam.

4:30 pm – Arrive in rented apartment after picking up keys, commuting a terrible distance and getting supplies (read: beer) at supermarket.

5:00 pm – Drink beer in apartment while taking turns to shower (1 tiny bathroom shared by 10).

7:00 pm – Have dinner and beer at Irish pub.

8:00 pm – Drink beer at an ice bar (where every bloody thing is made of ice).


XtraCold IceBar Amsterdam
XtraCold IceBar Amsterdam. Not sure if this is the one they went to but this seems to be the famous one.


9:40 pm – Move to another bar to drink more beer.

12:40 am – Move to yet another bar to drink yet more beer. (A few of them went home at this point.)



7:30 am – Take turns to wash up in tiny bathroom. (Piers reported that this took 3 hours, which sounds ridiculous, but I calculate that it’s only 18 minutes per bloke, a miracle, conjecturing that it would have taken 10 hours if it had been women.)

11:00 am – Brunch at Subway. (To get rid of hangover before the real adventure begins.)

12:00 pm – Heineken factory tour.

2:00 pm – Drink beer in a bar and smoke cigars.

5:00 pm – Beer bike adventure. (This is a vehicular monster powered by beer guzzling cyclists. They have rented it for 2 hours.)


Beer Bike Amsterdam




This is as far as I know because it’s only Saturday afternoon right now, although I am given the impression that tonight is the big drinking night.

Wow, really? You mean Friday wasn’t?

It is not such a stretch now to believe that each of these blokes is going to contain 40 litres of beer in his body by the end of tonight, is it?

I am so wracked with envy.

Instead of enjoying wondrous experiences such as drinking ice cold beer while sitting on a chair made of ice and putting my elbows on a table made of ice, instead of cycling through the colourful streets of Amsterdam, City of Freedom, pedalling nonstop for two hours while drinking beer out of a giant barrel, instead of drinking beer for 60 hours till I’m capable of sweating beer if only it weren’t so darned cold in Europe now, instead of all that, I am stuck at home playing as much as I want on my iPad, eating anything I want at any time, and looking forward to the premiere of Britain’s Got Talent 2013 on TV tonight.

I am so missing out.



Beer beer beer


Now, my iPad beckons! I bought 2 new games yesterday (on Piers’ credit card since he’s gone and left me alone {although that’s just a convenient excuse since I buy any games I want any time I want to on his account because I needed a UK credit card to buy games here, hee}.)

I have about two hours to play until BGT, so yay.

My only hope is that Piers and his pals come home in one piece (I mean, a piece each, not collectively) because I’m a bit worried about spontaneous explosion due to liquid overload.

So, wish them well for me.

Have a great rest of the weekend, guys, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!

As if.