Bite-size Sheylara – Funny and flirty

Interesting Job

Here is a job listings e-mail sent out by JobsDB today:

JobsDB Listings

Can you spot anything funny?

You’re really sharp if you can spot it from the above shrunken picture.

But I won’t make you squint. Let me zoom in to the key part so you can see clearer.

JobsDB Listings

Hehehe!

What’s even funnier is the subject of the e-mail:

JobsDB

The Goonfather asks, “Would you like to be a Stephanie Tan?”

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Resorts World

Speaking of job recruitment, here’s a serious one.

Resorts World at Sentosa now has 10,000 job openings for Singaporeans keen on working in this vibrant new industry.

Resorts World Sentosa
Click image to see full recruitment ad.

I was actually very tempted to attend the auditions for Universal Studios last month but finally decided against it because I don’t have time for the job and also because I doubt I have the kind of talent they need. But working in Universal Studios as an entertainer would be a dream job for me!

But it’s okay, cos I already have a dream job. =)

For more information on careers in RW Sentosa, click here.

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Song Lapp

I just learnt a new phrase from my Plurk friend, naeboo. She doesn’t know the phrase’s origin nor it’s true meaning, but she taught it to us anyway.

The phrase is: SONG LAPP.

She hears her friend say it and thinks it means “to hijack or usurp”.

We used the phrase all day in Plurk yesterday. It was quite funny!

Plurk conversation

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Scandalous Book

Some interest has been gathering around former air stewardess Janet Chew and her new memoir, The Mile Hi! Club.

Janet Chew

I received a complimentary autographed copy last week.

Autogragh

How sweet! I don’t actually know Janet, but I know her husband. There’s a little story at the end of the book detailing how they met and I thought it was rather touching.

The stories recounted in the book are pretty interesting, from scandals and bitchings to ghost stories — all the stuff that happens to people in her former profession.

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Inconsiderate People

I hate when ladies flick water off their hands after washing them at a public toilet.

They never stop to consider where their water lands.

  1. On the floor. Pity the cleaner.
  2. On my legs. Hmph!
  3. Sometimes my hands. Criminal!

I’ve had second-hand water flicked at me countless times just for standing beside someone who enjoys indiscriminately flicking water all over the place.

And they don’t even realise it. They flick water at me and then walk out of the toilet nonchalantly!!!

So many people do it you can’t help but wonder if it’s something taught to kids in school and I just happened to have missed that class.

Why, oh why, can people not grow some common sense?

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Giant Eyeball

Came across this giant eyeball in VivoCity the other day.

Giant eyeball

We saw it from far away at first and the Goonfather thought it was a Patapon.

Patapon:

Patapon

But it turned out to be just an eyeball promoting Transitions lenses at a nearby optical shop.

Friendly chap, though.

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Flirty Tee

I bought this tee last year cos I thought it was funny. But I only wore it out once. Somehow, I just can’t bring myself to.

Flirty Tee

It’s a cheap t-shirt, so it doesn’t matter. Like $7 or something like that.

It’s okay for a photoshoot, though.

Auditions… bah

Mood meter: Low.

Went for a TVC audition today and I was terrible like a camera-shy newbie.

It was a young housewife role.

I know I’m supposed to shed my auntie image but I’m not going to argue with money. TVCs are great money and I would act as a grandmother if they paid me.

Anyway, they wanted me to say the lines very auntie, very ah soh, like a gossipy housewife hanging out at the wet market. You know the kind?

I performed take after take after take. Somehow, I just couldn’t do it properly. Every inch of auntie-ness I ever possessed fled me instantly. It was like I simply couldn’t act like an ah soh if my life depended on it. 

I felt awkard and unnatural in front of the camera and my body gave out self-conscious tics each time a scene ended and I waited for the casting director to say “cut”. I giggled like a self-conscious teenager each time the “cut” came.

WTF WAS WRONG WITH ME?!

OMFG, I WAS SO BAD I OUGHT TO HAVE BEEN SHOT.

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Yesterday, I went for a short film audition.

It was a callback (meaning second round of auditions).

We were given two scenes to prepare a week before the callback and, I tell you, I have never put in so much effort into an audition script, ever.

Reason being I love the script, it’s a good story and it’s the most challenging script I’ve ever worked on (has lots of subtext, role within role kinda thing, and very emotional).

So, I worked and worked and worked on it.

Because I was filming Incredible Tales last week, I didn’t have a lot of time, but I worked on the script every free moment I had. I memorised the lines to death, analysed and rehearsed each line individually, and tried out all the different ways I could play each line and feel each emotion.

I worked on the two scenes (four pages) for five consecutive days, which is rather extreme.

I had two competitors and I didn’t think I had a high chance of getting the role because I’m the wrong race. The script says “preferably caucasian” and I’m the least caucasian-looking one. 

But I worked on it, anyway, because I owe it to my reputation as a serious actress to do a good job at every audition. And because this was a tough role, I worked doubly, triply hard on it. I wanted to give a good performance not strictly to get the job, but for the sake of giving a good performance.

And then, besides filming Incredible Tales and preparing for this audition, I also had another emotional audition (TV drama) to prepare for. It was to be on the same day as the short film audition. So you can imagine my stress level last week.

Saturday was the last day of the Incredible Tales shoot, and then Sunday came. I did some final rehearsing on Sunday morning and was finally satisfied that I was well-prepared for both auditions.

The first one (TV drama) didn’t go as well as I hoped because they changed the script last minute. I had to unlearn and relearn the lines on the spot, and the emotional buildup that I had planned for didn’t work on the new, shortened script.

The second one (short film) went ok. Not as spectacular as I’d hoped, but I didn’t think I was too far off.

After both auditions, I was relieved.

Incredible Tales – DONE

Two back-to-back challenging auditions – DONE

Dieting – DONE

I celebrated the end of stress week by playing WoW and eating McWings, cheesecake and bak kwa for dinner.

Halfway through playing WoW in the night, I got a call from the short film director to tell me that I wasn’t selected. He was very nice about it, saying that all of us acted very well, but he decided to go with a particular actress because she paired better with the male lead to give the film the flavour he wanted.

Which is reasonable. Purely on looks alone, I don’t think I’m very compatible with the male lead because he’s ang moh and I look too oriental.

But I was sad.

I felt a heart-sinking emptiness. Like, after five days of hard work, it’s over. I think it’s the kind of feeling someone would get after being dumped, only milder.

I felt a bit of relief because the role is honestly very hard and I’m not sure I can pull off the entire film. But the disappointment affected me more.

So, after that and today’s embarrassing TVC audition, I wanted to call it quits and run off to Australia to live with emus.

But that was the child in me. The adult in me knew that that’s impossible and I’d just plod on like I always do.

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Today, the short film director requested a re-audition because a previously short-listed actor who had dropped out due to time constraints now doesn’t have the time constraints anymore. And the three actresses have been invited back to audition with this other actor because the director wants to find the best possible combination of couple for the film.

So, now, I have another chance. But I don’t think it’s going to make a difference. I think I have the wrong look for this film, anyway.

Yet, I have to try because it’s the right thing to do.

That means stress week isn’t over yet.

Four auditions scheduled for this week so far, including the one today. And I expect more to come.

I hate auditions.

Just give me the freaking job.

=(

Auditions are cruel and evil

The shitty thing about auditions is that you always fail the ones you really want to pass, and you pass the ones you don’t really care about failing.

At least that’s what happens to me.

Some time ago, I went to four auditions in three days. My confidence was high and I thought I might even get all of them. I really wanted to get at least two of them. I thought I performed well, I looked the part, and there was no reason for them not to choose me.

But within the very same week, three of them contacted me and told me that I wasn’t chosen. Another one called to say the project was cancelled so no one was chosen.

That was a really sucky week.

Usually, “failures” are not notified. Only the selected one is notified. Which is good because I’m allowed to be optimistic and hope for the best until, one day, I just naturally forget about it. That way, the pain of failure is manageable.

I don’t know what’s up with that week, why all of them simultaneously thought that I needed to be informed of my failure right away.

It’s awful to get a call or e-mail telling you that you weren’t selected. It’s like a slap in the face. All your hopes are dashed instantly, leaving an emptiness inside you that you’re not quite sure how to fill. I guess it’s kind of like when you get dumped — you lose your appetite, you go into a daze and you don’t really want to do anything other than sit in a corner and stare because you don’t know what else you can do.

It’s more awful when the same thing happens one after another within a short time.

I prefer no news to bad news. Other people might think different, but that’s them.

And then, there are times when I go for auditions, not really wanting to get the job because I think the role isn’t really me or I don’t like the role, or some other reason. (I go for these auditions anyway because I still need to feed myself and can’t afford to be selective of jobs.)

And then those jobs I get.

There are also auditions I think I performed really badly at. I want the audition tapes to be destroyed forever because I was horrible.

Those jobs I get.

There was this audition I almost didn’t attend because, when I read the casting script, I felt I couldn’t get a good handle on the character, so I didn’t think I could do it well enough to get selected. And I didn’t feel like wasting my time going after a lost cause.

But I went anyway because they had already scheduled a slot for me and it’s really bad form not to turn up when people expect you to turn up.

I did try my best to learn the lines and come up with the best performance I could, but I still thought I sucked, especially during the improv segment, which you can’t prepare for.

Well, I was seriously puzzled when I received the call telling me I got the job. After that, the director told me I was really impressive at the audition and I was able to give him all the interpretations he wanted.

It’s really weird but, as much as praise is a wonderful thing, it’s a hard pill to swallow when you believe that you don’t deserve it.

Life is stupid, nein?

I’m always trying to explain to people what the audition routine is like.

Think about your day job. Think about the interview you had to go through to get the job.

Now, imagine that, after the interview, you get the job, but you can only work for three days. After that, if you want to work some more, you have to watch out for more interview opportunities to try again.

Also, factor in the time and transport costs for every interview you attend.

A prolific Hollywood player said that an 80% fail rate is the norm. That means that, on average, you’ll have to attend 10 interviews to get two jobs.

If you’re lucky, a successful interview will nab you a bigger job which will allow you to work a week or more, or even a few months. Most of the time, each successful interview earns you only a day or two of work.

Sometimes, you don’t work for months.

How would you like to live that way?

You may call me a glutton for punishment for choosing this path. Go ahead.

But I can’t choose differently because I prefer the joy of those precious few days of work to the blah comfort of job security.

The constant hurt of rejection is something I choose to put up with.

But it’s not a big deal in the long run because hurt can be healed and forgotten, while happy memories last forever.