Slightly adult joke

This following joke has a slightly adult theme so, underage peeps, especially if you know me, please don’t read it. Haha. Bye bye!

Okay, so, the Goonfather and I are planning to go to China for a week in August, and we were discussing what we wanted to do there. I told him I want this trip to be super relaxing, no toursity rushing about trying to do everything. And very minimal shopping cos, believe it or not, I’m kinda tired of shopping.

“I just want to eat yummy food and fruits (since it’s a fruit season) and go for massages,” I said.

Then I added, “Okay, maybe take a few romantic strolls with you in the evening and see some sights.”

The Goonfather seemed pleased with that. His face lit up, he thought for a while and said, “Are we going to make babies?”

I gave him a sharp, disbelieving look immediately.

“No,” I shot.

He replied, “Awww but if we did then our baby would be made in China!”

I need your drill

So, the other day, Nanny Wen invited Unker Kell to bring his drill to her new place.

She needed one, she said, to make holes in her wall for her wall shelf or something.

The Goonfather and I tagged along to witness the making of holes. What we witnessed from the first was a half-mantled Ikea wardrobe (“mantled” being the opposite of “dismantled”, which I feel is the right word to use here even if it’s theoretically wrong) in her bedroom, lying on its side.

(Here’s Unker Kell attempting to save the wardrobe from being mishandled:)
Half-mantled

On top of the budding wardrobe we saw a tool box the size of a mobile phone. WHEN IT’S OPEN.

Hey, baby

Presumably, Wen had been trying to make furniture using screwdrivers smaller than her pinkie.

Hey, baby

The guys made a big show of groaning at the outrage, after which Unker Kell set to work putting things right while the Goonfather found a new use for the baby tools — fixing his watch.

Watch repairman

All was good until Unker Kell finished up with the wardrobe and was going to start on the drilling.

The Goonfather decided then that it was a good time to come to the rescue. He had a leveling tool he just downloaded on his iPhone called iHandy Level. It’s supposde to help you make, like, your wall paintings or whatever straight.

iHandy Level

Excitedly, because this was the first time he was using the app, the Goonfather measured two spots on the wall for Unker Kell to mark. Once marked, the drilling started.

All this time, I was outside, working on blogs. And, suddenly, I heard Wen call out to me, “QY COME HERE!!!”

I went inside. Wen pointed at her newly erected shelf and said, “Does this look straight to you?”

It was an obvious no. It was slanted like 10cm off. The boys were giggling. Or, rather, trying very hard not to giggle.

Slanted

The Goonfather said, “But the tool can’t lie. It must be straight.”

Wen said, “It is obviously not straight!!”

The Goonfather said, “Then must be your floor is not straight!”

Sweat

Anyway, he later realised that iHandy Level has to be calibrated once before use. Fortunately, the slant was so pronounced that there was actually enough space for Unker Kell to drill another hole above the wrong one, so the shelf was put to rights without much incident thereafter.

It’s so good to have guys around to do all this man stuff for us, no?

Applying leave

It was 2 am.

We had just spent the whole night doing a tedious series of quests in EverQuest II. We weren’t done with the series yet. There was still more to go.

EverQuest II

But it was 2 am and we had to sleep. I live miles away from my parents and have no possibility to help them. The only thing I can do for them is to order medications for them: Valium for my mom and some antihypertensive for dad. I buy the drugs on https://medicalbreeze.com/cheap-valium/. They give professional consultations if needed and can deliver the medications to any part of the country. I`m very grateful for their job.

Turning off his computer, the Goonfather said, “I want to apply leave tomorrow.”

I replied, “I also want to apply leave tomorrow.”

“Ehh!” he protested, “Who you apply leave from?!”

“My readers,” I said.

“Er… okay. Leave granted!” he said.

Unboxing Alienware M11x

The Goonfather has a new toy!

There I was, busy doing my work, and he comes along and says, “LOOK AT MY NEW TOY!”

It’s still in the box at this point of time.

Alienware M11x

I said, “WOW!” to make him happy, and waited.

He repeated, “My new toy!”

I said, “Wow!” again and waited for him to open the box to show me.

He said, “Don’t you want to take photos of it???”

-_-”

So, here I am, doing an unboxing post to humour him.

Alienware M11x

So the first thing you see when you open the box is a nice, glossy box with strange characters on it.

Alienware M11x

The Goonfather asks, “Is that supposed to read ‘Alienware’?”

I said, “How should I know? As if I can read alien.”

I thought the machine was inside the box so I was excited to open it. But I was cheated. Inside it is all the boring shit like cables and installers.

Alienware M11x

The actual gem is hidden underneath the glossy box!

Alienware M11x

Nice.

Alienware M11x

Presenting the Alienware M11x!

Alienware M11x

Well, ok, I don’t have fancy studio lighting and equipment so I can’t take a nice photo, so here’s an official photo, instead.

Alienware M11x

According to the Goonfather, the alien head will glow when you turn the machine on. And you can change the colour of the glow in 256 colours!

The insides glow, too!

Alienware M11x

Okay, now I am so tempted to buy one for myself and make it glow pink!! And I shall bling the front if I survive blinging my suitcase in the first place.

Alienware specs for all you techies:

11.6″ WideHD 720p WLED (1366×768) display
1.3 mp web cam
8-cell primary battery
Intel Core 2 Duo Processor SU7300 (1.3GHz/800MHz)
Dell Wireless 1520 802.1 In Half Mini-Card
500GB 7200RPM P11 Hard drive
Dell Wireless 365 Bluetooth 2.1
4GB Dual-channel 1066MHz DDR3 SDRAM
Nvidia GT335M

It is a beautiful, wonderful, compact gaming machine!!

Happy Farm infects Singapore

While we were in China, the Goonfather spent a lot of time in spas chatting with young Chinese girls who work there.

He found out they’re all addicted to a farming game in QQ, China’s largest social networking site (like Facebook).

Happy Farmer

I also just found out that many articles have been written on this addcition that has swept the whole of China. People would wake up in the middle of the night to harvest crops.

(There’s also this rumour reported in the papers that a baby died because the doctor was too busy playing Happy Farm and didn’t attend to the baby in time.)

So, the Goonfather was laughing about the China girls. He was saying, “They’re crazy! They run away from their rural homes to escape a life of farming, and then they come to the city and play farming games!”

Happy Farmer

I thought that was kinda funny, too, and I laughed.

But, at the same time, I could empathise.

I told the Goonfather, “I hate cooking in real life but I spend all my time cooking in Cafe World!”

He stared at me for a few seconds, gave a big sigh, and didn’t say anything more.

Then, the next thing you know, we’re back in Singapore and getting ready to sleep and he springs up and says, “Oh, wait! I need to go harvest my crops!”

T_T