The Goonfather, a failed Casanova

Two years ago, we saw the Goonfather drive a BMW Zap3.


The Goonfather and Uncle Kell drunk


(Read about it here. It’s funny!)


Now, he has upgraded from a 3 to a 4!


The Goonfather and Uncle Kell in the Silver Z


He won’t be drink driving this one for sure!

Okay, really, he has upgraded from a Mazda RX-8 to a BMW Z4, except that he told his boss that it’s a downgrade because he’s not paid enough.

While the Z4 is more expensive, the RX-8 drinks petrol like a perpetually thirsty man gulps water. He was spending something like $400 on petrol every month.

Also, because the RX-8 is now classed as a race car (instead of sports car like the Z4), the insurance and road tax have gone through the roof.




He drives like an uncle now, haha. That is, leisurely. He says that people who drive the Z4 are not into speed but more into looks so he has to follow suit.

The Goonfather is very much into looks these days, having almost reached his target size after about half a year of working hard at it.


The Goonfather


In fact, he was on his way to becoming playboy material. He worked on his weight, revamped his wardrobe and, finally, to top it off, bought the BMW Z4.

The car arrived last Tuesday.

He was finally all ready to be a prime Casanova.

The very next day, he got attached.

To a girl he’s been going out with for a couple of weeks.


He’s just no good at being a playboy.




I suppose it’s a good thing.

I was worried that he and Unker Kell were going to “hook up”, the way they’ve been doing everything together.


The Goonfather and Unker Kell


But everything’s great now.

I suppose congratulations are in order!

Pimping off the Goonfather

I was gonna unveil the Goonfather only after he’s achieved his target but then I decided now’s as good a time as any.

You can hardly recognise him now!

First, some background for my new readers.

The Goonfather is my ex. We’re still very good friends and still meet for drinks and stuff. He used to resemble a rapper in terms of style and a bouncer in terms of size.


The Goonfather in Jan 2009:

The Goonfather


The Goonfather’s best friend is Unker Kell, who is also a very good friend to me.

Together, they are like Laurel and Hardy, never a dull moment with them.


Dec 2009:

Unker Kell and The Goonfather


Jan 2010:

The Goonfather


Sep 2010:

The Goonfather


About half a year ago, the Goonfather underwent a gall bladder removal surgery, after which he had to watch his diet and count his calories.

He went to it with gusto, dragging Unker Kell along with him.

For several months now, besides eating discerningly, they have been gymming obsessively, first attending two times a week, then steadily progressing to six times a week.

So, I was understandably shocked when I met them after coming back from England, not having seen them in about three months or so.

Unker Kell hasn’t changed a whole lot in size, since he was already quite slender to begin with, but he seems to have become a mini Goonfather in style.

The Goonfather himself has become a totally different person, wearing skinny jeans and tight t-shirts (although they don’t look fitting anymore in the following photo because he is constantly shrinking).


May 2011:

The Goonfather


The Goonfather


And still the Goonfather isn’t satisfied. He’s an XL now and will only be happy to stop at M, with pecs and a six-pack. It might take another half a year or so. He just hurt his back and his doctor has banned him from gymming for two weeks at least.

While he feels encouraged about his transformation, it’s costing him a lot. He’s having to change his wardrobe every month, lol. But I have no doubt he will achieve his target soon.

By the way, he’s a very eligible bachelor. Good personality, gorgeous car, great job, loves children. (Unker Kell too, as a matter of fact.)

Any girls interested… PM me. I’m selling them off to the highest bidder!

I’d recommend buying them both as a package (I give package deal discount) for you and your girl friend because they’re really funny and entertaining together. Great for double dates.

Um… available for rent also.

Any takers?




(Okay, shall now have to go into hiding from them and maybe can’t blog for days. If I don’t appear for a week, call the homicide squad!)

Parting ways

There are many ways to say this but I suppose the best way to say it is to just come right out and say it. 

The Goonfather and I have decided to go our separate ways.

It might seem sudden to you, you who have so long been entertained by the silly antics of this crazy dude, but often, people do not announce their plans until the decision is final. 

And the decision is final now.

The good news is that the parting is amicable and mutual so we’re still the best of friends. We just have certain fundamental differences that we have come to realise will not carry us through a smooth and happy relationship in the long run. 

We’ve postponed this decision for a long time but we finally agree now that life is full of tough choices and you just gotta do what you gotta do eventually.

I have already moved back to my dad’s place to live so we’re no longer together.

This is somewhat a private matter but I just felt that I must blog about it because people will start realizing that I’ve stopped talking about him and will ask questions.  

So I guess this is the pre-emptive answer.

I just won’t give the details because that is private.

There is some sadness and loss of course, but we both already have plans for the future that do not revolve around each other. Like i said, we will still be best of friends. We just won’t be partners in each other’s faces. 

I might still blog about him if I still catch him doing crazy stuff during the times we do meet up. But this is the end of the road for us as a couple.

Don’t feel sad for us. Feel happy for us that we had the courage to do what many couples want to do but never dare to — move on with our lives to seek happiness and fulfillment in the long run.

Thanks for being with us through a sweet journey that, like all journeys in life, must finally come to an end.    

Crossing words with the Goonfather

I was doing a crossword puzzle in bed this morning on my iPad.

I needed a 9-letter word for “aircraft propeller” so I consulted the Goonfather because he knows vehicles more.

“Blades,” he said.

“Starts with J,” I clarified.

“Then your other word must be wrong,” he said.

“What the… it’s 9 letters lah,” I said.

“Hmm… hmm…. I know! Propeller!”


“You can’t say propeller when the clue is propeller lah!”

I added, “And my other word is not wrong. It starts with J.”

He made a serious thinking face and hmm-ed a couple more times.



(Jennifer is my friend Minou’s real name.)

((The correct word turns out to be “jet engine”.))

Sent from my iPad

The Goonfather’s con job

The Goonfather executed the con job of the year last night.

It’s all my fault for making him hooked to Liar Game (a Japanese manga that got made into a drama serial and movie). He must be constantly thinking of how to con people now.

Liar Game

We had dinner at Marché. You know how we each have our own cards to rack up our purchases on? So, towards the end of the evening, after the Goonfather had charged pver $80 on his card, he suddenly threw out a proposal.

“Hey!” he said, “I think it’ll be so funny if we mix up all our cards and redistribute them so no one knows how much he has to pay. Imagine the expression of the person who gets my card! Hahaha!”

Everyone started laughing about the nervousness during the qeueing up to pay, and the hilarity during the moment of truth.

All the excitement of Russian Roulette without the death.


Well, okay, not everyone. Only eight out of 11 took part. The biggest spender of course happily bought in. He had $97 on his card.

Biggest spender Edwin

Mostly, it was the guys who had between $40 and $100 on their cards. The girls were all in the $20s.

Us girls are just sporting like that.

But I’m still amazed that the Goonfather managed to come up with such a crazy plan and actually have people go along with it.

After everyone surrendered their cards, he mixed them up and got us to pick one each. Since he was the broker, he didn’t get to pick and simply retained the last card remaining.

Then we spent the next hour speculating whose card was the most costly and who had gotten whose card. The big spenders threw out clues, like, “Mine has dog ears,” or “Mine has a split,” which only served to increase the suspense.

And then, the moment of truth.

We all trooped to the cashier. The Goonfather bullied Wang Wang into going first.

Wang Wang's moment of truth


She got the $97 card.


There was much laughter and hooting and wailing and gnashing of teeth. Still, she managed to pay the bill with a big smile. Even victims can’t help being caught up in the fun.

A happy victim

Big spender Edwin paid next. He got the Goonfather’s card of $83, which was unlucky but still profitable for him.

I paid $41 although I’d only spent $22.

The Goonfather got a $30 card, which means he made about $50.

It wasn’t even a fair gamble to begin with but it was definitely fun.

Still, I think I should tax the Goonfather to cover my loss. Must come up with a better con to get him back. :P