First, allow me to admit that I’m an awful decision-maker. I’m quite possibly the worst decision-maker in the whole world, and that is no casual boast.
For example, I will totally forgo having a meal if I can’t decide what to eat, because copping out is just easier. I could write a whole post about this affliction of mine but I can’t decide whether I should.
Well, let’s just say that a long history of bad decisions on my part has led to crippling fear and inability in the area.
So, this wedding thing has plagued me for two months now. Piers and I were married quietly in Singapore on 7 October 2013. We planned to have a wedding in England on 14 June 2014. I planned to start planning the wedding once I returned to England on 21 November 2013.
Every day I sat down and did research and thought about what I wanted for my wedding: dress, invitation cards, cake, type of food, etc. After a month of doing this, a great mounting fear overwhelmed me. I was never going to get anything done because I couldn’t decide on literally ANYTHING.
I couldn’t decide which invitation card design to pick. I couldn’t decide what type of necklace to wear. I couldn’t decide whether to have champagne at the ceremony or later. I couldn’t decide what bloody time to start the wedding.
Piers, seeing how stressed I was, said, “We don’t have to have the wedding, you know. There’s no point spending loads of money on it if we’re gonna be all stressed and not enjoy it.”
So I started giving that option serious thought.
Every day for a month, I thought about it. I discussed it with Piers, with my friends, with his parents. Everyone gave a lot of suggestions and ideas. They helped, and they didn’t. Because, in the end, WE still had to decide stuff ourselves.
One moment I was convinced I wanted it, the next I was convinced I didn’t. Every day, I got more and more stressed that the deadline was looming and everything’s going to be fully booked by the time I decide I want it.
We drew up a pros and cons list and assigned scores to every item on the list. The cons ended up with double the points. Pro: 400, Cons: 825.
The main pro is that it’s our once in a lifetime special day to share with family and friends, and mine are flying all the way to England for that.
The main cons are stress and cost. Even the most basic celebration would cost £8,000. (An average wedding in England costs £20,000.) We find it hard to justify spending any money on a wedding when we are in fact already married, plus we’re also planning to buy a new house and move out at the same time.
Still, even with the scores so clear cut, it was very hard to just say no and scrap the whole thing. And Piers refused to make any final decision because he said weddings are a girl thing so I should have the last say. (He’s as good as I at copping out.)
Then, a week ago, I told myself, “Enough of this tomfoolery! I MUST DECIDE BY TOMORROW.”
To my credit, tomorrow came and I decided yes, we must do it because I don’t want to regret not ever doing it!
When Piers got home, I told him, “Yeah, by the way, I’ve decided we should do the wedding.”
His response was totally unexpected. He said, “WHAT? When did you decide?!”
“This afternoon!” I said.
“What! Why didn’t you tell me!”
“I’m telling you now!”
“Oh no, now I’m stressed!”
Then he started going through all the cons again (which did have higher marks).
I rolled my eyes and said, “Okay, let’s NOT do the wedding. I’m so cool with that.”
He said, “No! We can’t!”
Long story short, it turns out he’s so undecided himself he can’t even accept a decision from me no matter which option I pick. And he also succeeded in making me unmake my decision so I felt fickle all over again.
Do we deserve a Guinness Award for the most indecisive couple ever, or what.
He wanted more time to think about it, so I gave him time. Days passed. We didn’t make any serious effort at deciding because it was just too difficult. We gave ourselves a deadline for decision. The deadline came and went and no decision was made.
The day after the deadline, when I pressed him, he told me I needed to give my answer first, then he’ll decide whether to go along.
I told him that I had decided first the last time, so it’s his time to decide first, now.
He said, “Seriously, I’m more or less 50-50 on it.”
I said, “Well, me too!”
Then, he said, “Let’s toss a coin tonight. It’s the only way we can ever decide.”
I said, “Okay.”
And that was how we ended up deciding that the best way to decide whether to have a wedding or not is to toss a coin.
To be continued (after coin toss)…
16 thoughts on “Deciding a wedding on a coin toss”
@Sheylara: I’m positively riveted!!! Will you?! Or won’t you??? Oh, I can’t wait for the outcome!!! :P All kidding aside though, it IS a difficult thing to decide if you don’t even know what you want. An unenviable position, definitely. “Lucky” for me and my wifey though, we never had to choose coz it was made quite clear from the beginning: while the marriage was ours and ours alone, the wedding was for the family. And so it was.
Why! Just do it already! Why is a wedding there so expensive? You’ll probably buy a simple dress online, host it at your in-laws, cater a buffet(?). No need for a celebrant right? Music and alcohol… why £8, 000? Or do it at your new home so it’s a wedding cum house-warming?
Hahaha, just do a simple one. A simple garden wedding with food catered. Nothing fancy. Just a sharing time with family and friends.
@RN1209: Heheh, yeah, sometimes it’s the best when you’re “forced” to do something. Unfortunately (or perhaps luckily, depending on your attitude), no one is forcing us on this, lol. :P
@Valarie/Xrande: Here’s a rough breakdown of the cost, based on maximum 80 guests (all the people we MUST invite)
Marquee + tables/chairs hire: £2,500 (because it’s England so it might rain)
Champagne and wine: £500 (non-negotiable at an English wedding!)
Ceremony venue: £700 (because we already paid the deposit long ago)
Wedding dress: £200
Shoes, hair, jewellery: £100
Suit hire for Piers and my dad: £200
Bridesmaid dress: £100
Flower girl dress: £50
Flowers for bouquet, buttonhole, marquee decorations: £300
Photographer tip: £200 (Piers’ photographer friend offered to do it for free but we need to cover her travel costs since she lives quite far away.)
Taxis for Singapore guests: £100
Invitation + Thank you cards: £400
Food+booze for friends who want to stay on and party till late: £400
Can’t really reduce or give up anything. Plus I’m sure there will be extra costs that crop up along the way (as happens to all budgets) because we can’t anticipate everything, so likely to end up being £10,000!
For reference, here’s a breakdown of costs for an average wedding in England.
I say do it! Forget the cost, forget the stress, forget the worry. Just think about what a beautiful bride you will be and how special the moment will be when you both say ” I do” in front of friends and family.
Forget the pros and cons. Love is all pro. The rest is just details.
Also, forget about the cost of an average wedding in England. You are not average, Sheylara.
Besides, you get to pick the honeymoon location! :)
@Pepper: lol, I wish I lived in a fairy tale world like that. Just forget everything and everything will be done for you by a fairy godmother, ya? :P
Things work out. They always do.
Have the wedding. You won’t regret it.
Well, I didn’t mention this in my post because it’s kinda TMI, but I’m going to mention it now. It’s quite likely that I’m gonna be having my period on that day. :P And you know how things always go wrong when girls are having their period!
You are stress over that???????
Come on, girl. Those come and go.:P This wedding is a once in a lifetime thing.
why not get a wedding planner to help organise your big day or even better, why not sign up and participate in BBC Three’s “Don’t Tell The Bride” and let your hubby surprise you with a £12000 wedding on this 14 June? ;)
@IncyWincy: A wedding planner would add 10% to the cost, so that’s kinda out of the question. Also, my problem doesn’t lie so much in planning but more in indecision, cos I can’t ever choose anything and feel happy with it. :P
As for your last suggestion, Piers is very publicity shy so I doubt he’ll go with that! lol. Besides I’m sure we don’t qualify since we’re already married. :( We aren’t even allowed to hire a marriage officiant to conduct our wedding ceremony cos they won’t marry a couple who are already married!
Ok, now. Stop with the excuses and get on with the planning!! Take lot’s of selfies! :P
No more cons. It’s all good, even the stressful parts!
…waiting to hear the good news that you and Piers picked heads……:)
Seriously the price of lunch is exorbitant. Got lobster ah? Do it lah. Once in a lifetime thing. Don’t live life with regrets.
@Pepper: We can’t “forget everything” and “get on with the planning” at the same time! :P It has to be either or” :P
@Valarie: We were thinking of having a BBQ. I only have an estimate cost cos I haven’t actually called up to ask, lol. I might have estimated it higher, but definitely at least £2000. The cost also includes cutlery, waiters and chefs hire.