Genius level sleep talker

Last night, I was reading and surfing on my iPad way past bedtime (one of my many evil vices) while Piers was sleeping.

An hour later, I turned to my side to swap my iPad for my Kindle. The movement caused Piers to wake up.

He started talking.

“What’s this that we’re on?” he said.


What's this that we're on?


Now, his speech was in a very normal conversational tone, as if he were having a cup of tea with a colleague at work, catching up on the news.

I froze and waited to determine if he was awake or sleep talking. It’s very difficult to tell sometimes because his sleep talking speech is usually as crisp and energetic as his normal waking speech. But then I guess that’s kinda a clue in itself.

Then, he tossed around a bit and said, “Huh?” in such a very cute, lost-puppy voice that I couldn’t resist answering him.

“What?” I said softly and gently, in case he really was sleeping.

He answered, “What are we on?”

Okay, definitely sleep talking. But his insistence warranted an answer even though it was a bizarre question.

I said, “We’re sleeping.”

He wasn’t satisfied.

“Yes, but what are we sleeping on?” he wanted to know.

Oh, right.

“We’re on a bed,” I told him.

“Huh?” he countered, “I don’t get it.”

I had to stifle a giggle at this point.

“What don’t you get?” I said.


Then, about five seconds later, gentle snoring.

A bit disappointing, the conversation ending like that, a cliffhanger that will never be resolved. But such is the yoke of sleep-talker spouses.


What are we sleeping on?


Piers doesn’t sleep talk or sleep converse a lot. Maybe about six times a year. I usually just try to memorise what he says so I can tell it to him the next day. Doesn’t always work, though, my memory. I’ve by now forgotten all the utterings and conversations of the past.

Anyway, I decided to type out last night’s conversation on my iPad immediately because past experience has proven that I have a non-existent memory, at best.

I just wish I had done this all the other times he’s talked, but it usually happens in the middle of the night and I can never be bothered. (It’s not worth using voice-activated recording because you’d get two months’ worth of snores before you get a gem of a conversation.)

But I think I shall be less lazy about it from now on because, before writing this post, I googled sleep talking and found this blog.


Sleep Talkin' Man


This couple are making shit loads of money out of the husband’s sleep talks!

Okay, sure, this bloke is a genius level sleep talker (go read his stuff, it’s hilarious) and he pops them out nearly every night so very effortlessly.

Piers is definitely a junior level amateur in the lucrative business of sleep talking, but I think he has great potential because not many sleep talkers will have a conversation with you while at it, so he’s going to need some training.

The FAQ in Sleep Talkin’ Man mentions how the couple believe all the sleep talking is due to the husband dealing with all of life’s challenges in his sleep. That’s a plausible explanation because scientists say that dreams help us process information and learn and solve problems. So why not sleep talking?

I figure that if Piers’ life becomes more challenging, he’s going to sleep talk more, and then I can make shit loads of money out of him.

So, no time to waste!

Challenge number one: Darling, I just used your credit card in and!


Shopping spree!


Now, go do lots of quality sleep talking so we can pay this off!

10 thoughts on “Genius level sleep talker

  1. Avatar

    This is probably an offline question but I have a question for you (first a little background). I work for CNN digital media in Atlanta GA and we are creating an ad (which I can’t say anything about yet – NDAs are something, aren’t they?) and I was going through a bunch of media for the ad when I can across a video clip that I swear up and down was you from a few years ago.

    So, here is my question. Have you ever done a video shoot or shoots for iStock photo (video)? Clip here:

    Sorry if I am wrong but if I am, it could be your twin! :P

  2. Avatar

    I have done stock photos before, but not videos, so that’s not me unfortunately. :P The boy and the girl look uncannily alike, though. They could be twins! lol

  3. Avatar

    Yeah, I noticed that. I was going to ask if that was your brother, but seeing as it’s not even you, I suspect he’s not your brother :P and, huh? Now that’s the way a woman should shop! Plus being able to make some cash money to pay for it by using one of the many BF talents as a source of additional income is a plus! (and an innovative approach, I might add).

    I’ve been trying to come up with ideas on how I can add an additional revenue stream to my shopping escapades by figuring out how I can utilize the BFs duck taping talents, but the “There, I fixed it!” meme has already taken it. :P

  4. Avatar

    Yesterday. You do have moderation turned on or something? It had 2 links in it. It was a pretty good post and now I can’t remember what I wrote lol

  5. Avatar

    Ok I found it in the spam folder and have un-spammed it. It’s because of the LV and CL links, haha. Cos many spam bots advertise luxury goods.

  6. Avatar

    Oh, to reply your comment: Keep on observing your bf and see if you can find anymore hidden talents you can exploit. The most ridiculous things can make money these days so never give up hope! lol.

  7. Avatar

    LOL. He’s really good at loosing things (and forgetting things). Maybe there’s money in that!

    So I’m spam is England now too? Well then, just 3 more countries to go and I’ll become the SPAM queen! Having a CNN email address usually gets me blocked everywhere. :P

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