It’s always a bit hard blogging after you’ve been gone far too long, isn’t it?

What do you do? Explain your absence or proceed as if you were never gone?

Many bloggers choose the first option. They start with a lengthy, ingratiating apology-explanation, continue with a current life update, then end with a “I will try to blog more now”.

I might even have done that myself at some point or other, I can’t remember. But I’ve been thinking that it’s a really sad thing to do. Not to mention silly.

 

1. Readers don’t need an apology. There are literally a billion other blogs out there for their reading pleasures.
2. Half your readers probably didn’t even notice you were gone because (see first point).
3. The other half of your readers are actually the ones responsible for your absence because you’d rather go out with friends families loved ones than stare at a lonely blinking cursor on an empty screen.
4. It’s a waste of time for both blogger and reader. Because nobody actually gives a shit.

 

So, now that we have the ingratiating apology-explanation out of the way, let’s move on to my life update.

Not really.

 

 

Today, actually, I want to talk about the weather.

Yes, the weather is always a safe and convenient conversation starter, unless you’re in Singapore, in which case you will be considered a retard if you attempt a weather opener: “Hot today, isn’t it?” Because, in Singapore, every single day is hot, so thanks for stating the obvious.

But if you’re in a country where the weather actually changes and the meteorological station doesn’t report 33°C/28°C every single day of the year, then the weather is a fantastic topic for the conversationally challenged.

 

Good reason to wear very little in Singapore.

 

I’ve been in England for over a year now and I’ve talked about the weather about 400 times.

In England, they have four seasons every year. That’s right, seasons. (Cue looks of astonishment.) And when fashion columns report that the latest Autumn trends are now in the stores, it actually makes sense.

I used to be fashion/beauty editor in Today (newspaper) and I always felt dumb using seasonal labels in my pages but I had no choice because everything in Singapore is imported, including Olympic medalists.

 

So, in England, the weather makes for scintillating conversation.

Random Brit: “Oh, the weather has been so lovely over the weekend, the sun out and all, hasn’t it? Did you do anything special?”

Me: “It was hot so I stayed home and played on my iPad.”

 

Then I get a chance to talk about Singapore and how it’s hot every day so cold weather is a novelty and the random Brit is all amazed because they don’t get enough sunshine here. It’s nearly two months into the summer now and there’s probably been about two weeks of sunshine in all that time.

When the sun comes out, the Brits literally go mad. The whole country suffers a traffic meltdown because every last person here has taken the day off work or school and is trying to get to the beach.

If they’re not already there.

 

Bournemouth Beach, August 2011

 

Sometimes I pretend to enjoy the “lovely weather” because there’s only a minute to exchange pleasantries and no time to go into a full dissertation of why I don’t like the sun.

In all my conversations, I never, of course, talk about how I’m really a vampire and it’s dangerous for me to be exposed to sunlight. That’s a secret so let’s keep it that way.

The point is that I fear I might not adapt too well here socially. People love talking about the weather since it is something that significantly influences their moods and activities.

The weather is also very unpredictable, as in, it could be 25°C today and 15°C tomorrow. So, every day, people are praying for lovely sunny weather while I’m crossing my fingers for it to be overcast and cold.

Won’t exactly make me very popular, I don’t think.

 

The good news (for me) is that I’m having my summer holidays now, a time during which presumably students are given a break so they can enjoy the “lovely sunny weather” and be delinquents.

That means I can hide at home and not have to face the sun until school starts again in September.

The bad news is that I have homework up to my waist. I mean if you were to stack all my homework one on top of another it would reach my waist and I am quite tall.

That’s why I’m blogging.

With any luck, I will be blogging more this summer and my homework won’t get done.

Have a nice summer, if you’re reading this from England.

And if you’re in Singapore, um, enjoy the air-conditioning?