Don’t muster courage. It won’t come

You know when you feel nervous or unsettled or depressed and you just don’t know the reason why?

You sort through your mind, examining possible causes one by one, trying to pinpoint the source of your stress. But not a single item makes you go, “Ah! That’s it!”

It’s like a mystery itch on your body. You know the general region of the itch so you set your fingers around the vicinity and start scratching.

But the itch is illusive. You can’t find it and it’s getting worse, the itch, taunting you to madness. You’ve scratched a 20-mile radius of your skin raw and you still can’t find it.




Damned itch.

I woke up this morning feeling bad about something I can’t put my finger on. I know the things I’m generally stressed about these days but none of them is it.

It’s not a big deal, though. I’m still enjoying being in England and waking up so early in the morning (sevenish). It’s just that it’s annoying to have this mysterious grinding ache in a lost recess of my heart and a nervous flutter in a forgotten pit of my stomach.

Nevertheless, I’m going shopping today. Yay. I hope I don’t end up spending all my money because I still have 10 more days to go after today.

And going to London tomorrow. Will take a coach up (2.5 hours ride) by myself and then meet a couple of friends there.

That’s quite exciting.


London bus


I deliberated for a week wondering if I should just go on my own or wait till Piers gets back from his holiday to take me there. I’m afraid of getting on the wrong coach or, in fact, not being able to find the coach station.

There’s also the fact that I’m feeling so lazy and comfortable in this pleasant, beautiful town of Bournemouth and the thought of being on a coach for a total of five hours in a day isn’t very attractive.

So I couldn’t quite make up my mind until last night.

I didn’t, in fact, make up my mind, although I was veering more towards not going because inaction is always easier than action.

Decisions often get made by themselves through inaction because you’ve passed the window of opportunity.

So then, what happened was, I was looking through coach fares again online, mulling, deliberating, hmming and arghing.

And, suddenly, a switch just went flip in my mind, accompanied by a voice inside saying, “OH WHAT THE HECK,” at the same time propelling my mouse cursor towards the BUY NOW button.


What the heck.


And so I just bought the ticket without having quite decided whether I wanted it or not.

Exactly the same thing happened when I was deliberating whether to come to England.

I mulled over it for a week, weighing pros and cons, repeatedly checking my bank balance to see if it might mysteriously grow two extra zeros so as to tip the scales into the pros.

And then one day, seemingly like any other day, I was checking airfare prices yet again when the flip and “WHAT THE HECK” happened and I bought the damned ticket.


What the heck.


A reader, Mosoky, commented in my previous post saying she hopes she can muster the courage like me to someday just zip off to a foreign land alone.

I told her to not do that because the courage will never come. It has never been courage on my part. It’s always just been impulse.

I said not think about it and just buy the tickets and be forced to go. :D

Maybe that’s what made me buy the London coach ticket. I have to practise what I preach, after all.

10 thoughts on “Don’t muster courage. It won’t come

  1. Avatar

    For your info, i am a SHE.. :P.. that’s not my name though.. haha..

    I have to put such impulse on hold cause I am having korean lessons and just can’t zoom off like this..

    On a side note, I realise u have lots of passion for many things, learning and stopping halfway .. Very Similiar to me I would say.. I am now a jack of all trades, master of none.. haha..

    This is like a post written for me.. haha.. Well, look forward to more posts from you :D.. Enjoy ur day in london…

  2. Avatar

    Oh, sorry, didn’t know you’re a she! Okay I’ll edit my post.

    Yeah, I have a bad habit of getting into a passion for new things then quitting halfway to get into more new things. So rubbish! Have been trying to change this trait of mine for ages but it just never works. Sigh!

    Well certainly, you inspired this post! Cheers! :)

  3. Avatar

    It’s all right.. You shouldn’t have go through the trouble to edit your post.. So sorry..

    Hmm, it’s not a bad habit.. At least we have a taste of everything we wanted. Perhaps picking up the basics, and improve on it will be a better way.. You don’t have to change this trait of urs cos I feel you are doing quite well at it.. haha :D

  4. Avatar

    travelling alone is fun!

    i loves it. if i ever travel,that is, i rather be alone. so i dont need to wait for ppl to get ready etc etc…

  5. Avatar

    @Mosoky: That’s okay, it’s no trouble at all making corrections in my posts. :P I do that all the time when I spot typos and stuff.

    Well yeah sometimes it’s cool to be a jack of all trades, but I always wish I could be a master at something! It’s so annoying that I think about it and like I’m not good at anything, sigh!

    @naeboo: Hmm, I only like going shopping alone cos then I won’t feel stressed about taking my own sweet time to choose things to buy. But sightseeing, I always prefer to have someone to share with. :P Best is just one or two more people. Too big a group will be troublesome!

    @Belly B: Thank you! I’m glad you like my amateurish drawings :P

  6. Avatar

    Well, who says you aren’t a master at something.. I think you are a master at blogging.. It’s not easy to always have those creative juices running through, pondering what to write up next.. And the main point : to make it interesting everytime so that your readers will come back for more.. How many people in this world can actually have a job as blogger … That’s like one in a million..Furthermore , I believe you didn’t went lessons on how to blog right.. U are a master on urself:) keep on writing ;)

  7. Avatar

    I kind of envy your lifestyle though, being able to take off anytime you wanted, and being to do whatever you want, when you want. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. Have fun, take care!

  8. Avatar

    @Mosoky: I certainly am not a master of blogging! lol. I’m sure my blogs are boring sometimes. :( Well, but thanks for saying that anyway! :)

    @Vandalin: Isn’t always the best thing to do that actually :P

    @Krusty: Yeah, I suppose, my lifestyle is quite cool now. But I’ve been consciously choosing that all my life, trying not to be tied down by anything. :P

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