I am officially conferring the “Cutest Thing in the World” title to Agnes from Despicable Me. I don’t think I’ll be the only one to do so. The precocious 3D-animated girl has stolen the hearts of audiences all over the world.

I’m deadly serious when I say I’ve never seen anything quite as cute as Agnes. I mean, I go “awww” at cute things pretty often since I find many things cute.

But Agnes is on a separate level altogether. She’s the absolute deity of cute. There’s nothing that could possibly compare in cuteness to her. Which is why I felt compelled to do a hasty montage of her cutest moments. (Pictures all taken from the Agnes Facebook fan page)

I could just eat her up, SHE’S SO FLUFFY!!!

If she doesn’t tug at your heartstrings (especially when you’re watching the movie), YOU’RE NOT HUMAN.

So, if you haven’t watched Despicable Me, I will tell you now that Agnes alone is worth the price of admission. She is worth the price of at least three admissions, in fact, because I am planning to watch the movie at least two more times.

This YouTube clip I’ve watched about a gadzillion times. It’s a good thing the Goonfather loves Agnes, too, or he’d kill me for playing this clip nonstop every day.

How can anything be THIS cute? It’s inconceivable!

When I was watching the movie in the cinema, the lady sitting next to me wouldn’t stop going “awwww” every time Agnes did something cute. It was mildly annoying, but I could empathise with her need to express her love for the little tyke, so I forgave her and didn’t make a fuss.

Agnes ought to have her own movie. She ought to have her own TV series. She ought to have her own talk show!

She is infinitely cuter than Boo from Monsters Inc. And I did like Boo very much, almost buying a Boo doll.

There’s an Agnes doll already on sale, but it’s not cute. Doesn’t look like the movie Agnes. Very disappointing, that. =(

Happily, the little actress who provided the voice of Agnes is also a cutie herself. I don’t know if I could handle it if Agnes’ voice were to come from a less-than-cute person. Maybe that’s rather shallow, but cute must go with cute, no?

Okay, I’d better talk a bit about the movie itself. I suppose it’s entertaining enough. It’s got a good story about villains trying to take over the world. The pace is fast enough so it doesn’t get boring. And it’s got cute little critters in it that look like medicine capsules.

But I wouldn’t watch it if Agnes weren’t in there, because it would be just another children’s cartoon show and I’m not really into 3D animation cartoons in the first place.

Now, I know some of you are going to come up with some lame theory about how my gushing over Agnes means my maternal instincts are kicking in so that means I need to have a baby or something.

WRONG.

Nothing could be more wrong than that.

Because, now that there is Agnes, there could be no other! I mean, I know there is no possibility of me (or anyone) ever having a baby that could come close to being as cute as Agnes, so, you know, it’s not going to work. If I ever had a baby, I’d want to trade it in for Agnes. But that’s not possible, is it? So, no baby. Nope.

There. I’ve said it. Now go watch the movie! Again! =)