I need bigger boobs

I have two minutes to blog today, so here’s another archived entry. It’s quite interesting (for myself) to read my old writings and laugh at my state of mind back then.

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The following post first appeared on Sheylara.com on Mar 25, 2004.

I need bigger boobs

I am quite happy today, disregarding the fact that my boobs are not performing to standard, but, you see, my happiness has something to do with boobs. In a way.

If you’re not a hermit, which I assume by brilliant Sherlock-ly deduction that you’re not, based on the fact that you’re reading my blog, then you would have noticed that cosmetic surgery is on the rise.

More and more beauty salons are springing up and bombarding us with sleazy ads on MRT trains of models with their assets spilling out onto your lap. Magazines and newspapers revisit the subject of cosmetic surgery every month. More women are admitting to having “done it”. More cosmetic surgeons are buying mansions and Porshes.

All that, in itself, is unremarkable. What’s remarkable is that fewer and fewer people are viewing the act as taboo or shameless or [insert bad adjective yourself because I’m too lazy to think another one up].

In the first place, what is so wrong with cosmetic surgery? Let us examine the classic arguments against it:

  1. You should be happy with what God gave you.
  2. Beauty comes from within.
  3. Men should always keep the toilet seat down.

I’ve always wanted to tell the people who spout these gems to shove it up their nostrils. Now I can.

Shove it up your nostrils because:


NOBODY is happy with what God gave them. Not even you. Do you want to know what God gave you? God gave you an infant’s body with cute baby human parts and a dumb baby brain. What the hell are you doing changing all that? How DARE you grow up and how DARE you go to school and modify the dumb baby brain God gave you?

I’ll give you a concession. Let’s assume that growing up is part of God’s plans for you. Fine. Then why do you go to the hospital when you have cancer (or SARS or a bunion)? God gave you the cancer/SARS/bunion. You should jolly well lie around at home all day and give thanks because you’re going to meet Him soon.

And if half your face gets burnt off in a fire, ask your doctors not to fix it because you’re perfectly happy looking like Freddy Krueger.


It’s not like you’ve never admired beautiful things and (outwardly) beautiful people. And, like it or not, you can’t help but to favour beautiful things/people a little more at first sight.

And EVERYONE wants to be a little more beautiful on the outside and a little more favoured by other people. Otherwise, you wouldn’t go shopping for nice clothes. You wouldn’t go to the salon to get a nice haircut. You wouldn’t spend half your salary buying goo to slather on your face in the hope that skincare and makeup can help you look like Claudia Schiffer’s navel.

You would go to work carrying an NTUC plastic bag instead of a Hugo Boss brief case or Gucci handbag. You would stop shaving and stop buying pimple cream and stop going to the gym to get that nicely toned body.

Why do you do any or all of these things if you don’t want to look good on the outside? So, you go ahead and get those fake eyelashes and I’ll get my new nose, thank you.


Who the hell cares? Women should stop being lazy and put the seat down yourselves.

Now that I have presented my arguments, I can explain why I am happy. I’m happy because I believe that, with the help of the media, there are now fewer bigots on earth who would point their fingers at women who go for cosmetic surgery, accuse them of witchcraft and burn them at the stake.

Which means that I can start planning my shopping list of new body parts and stop worrying about people accusing me of being an evil temptress whose plan is to seduce all men to their doom with my newly acquired body-to-die-for.

Now, all I need is a brilliant scheme to get the money to fund my shopping spree, and to find a reputable surgeon who won’t make me look like Michael Jackson.

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Afterword: No, I still haven’t gotten any surgery done because no one would donate to my boob fund. And I was wrong. The number of bigots against cosmetic surgery doesn’t seem to have decreased over the last four years.

39 thoughts on “I need bigger boobs

  1. Avatar

    Just do it Babe!!!!
    You are gorgeous!
    If only if u have big b00b135!!!!!

    Anyways, I prefer if people change their looks with biokinesis. At least it works for me :P

  2. Avatar

    Wasnt this the blogpost that started off the big “Contribute to Sheylara Boob Fund” paypal campaign? I think its still somewhere around on your site =P

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    I have several things to say:
    1. More than a handful is a waste – you look good even with your less than Pamela Anderson stats
    2. THANK YOU for the toilet seat bit
    3. Being happy with what God gave you is not going to happen, but just be happy – that’s possible
    4. Always read the instructions

  4. Avatar

    You haven’t answered the question which is on everyone’s mind here –> “What’s in it for the people who donate to your boob fund?”

    Hahaha …

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    Somedays I wish they’re bigger, somedays smaller.
    Does that make sense?

    Loong: They’ll get a sense of satisfaction from helping someone. That’s why it’s called a donation. :p

  6. Avatar

    I need new body parts too…

    I want cybernetic lungs that can extract oxygen from water, and filter out harmful compounds.

    I want cybernetic eyes that have built-in zoom, low-light and thermographic imaging, and video recording.

    I want a cybernetic nervous system and musculature that will allow me to react with lightning reflexes and superhuman strength.

    I wonder how much social resistance there will be to cybernetic enhancement in the future. Heh.

  7. Avatar

    @Sheylara: Well I’d hope at the very least in the four years that have since gone by, you learnt to spell “PorsChes”, hehe (kidding lar, just a minor QC comment:))
    I agree with heartless, you already look lovely as you are now and I don’t see any reason you’d want anything changed. Not that it was ever wrong / abnormal to want bigger boobs (or smaller, in Minou / Wang Wang’s cases) or tighter asses or symmetrical nostrils or whatever, of course:)

  8. Avatar

    @Sheylara: So where do I sign up for the boobs fund? Will I get to test out the products that I donate the money for? :P

    @Mince Pye: I want the cybernetic eyes that u mention too…

    @All: Anyone having difficulty accessing Sheylara blog? I just can’t read her blog at home. Keep givng me the website down message. No problem reading in office. Using Singnet BB at home btw. Singnet ban Sheylara? Hmmm…..

  9. Avatar

    Hmmm…. Body parts…. I recently went to a store that sells various body parts. The shop name is errmm…… Something erotic…. ;P

  10. Avatar

    Ohh… the shop does sell all the parts mentioned here. such as boobs, mouth, and “more”. Cybernetics too, with speed controls. Some are even powered or charged via USB.

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    Daryl Tay: Hmm… I know why. You need bigger boobs to satisfy your chick Nutty Nad? :P

    Relax: What in the world is biokinesis??

    chong: I think so. It was called my Breast Endowment Fund, if I remember correctly.

    ShadowFox: That’s a myth lor. Doesn’t work. Haha.

    modchip: lol, of course I won’t. I just want to be normal and average!! *sob*

    fieldoflove.net: That is what most people would like to believe, but it is not really true in today’s messed up society.

    Wang Wang: LOL… wish we could share and average! :P


    1. Unfortunately, I might not even have enough to fill a handul. :P
    2. You’re welcome. Actually, ideally, men and women should never share toilets/bathrooms (unless you just want some tub time together once in a while).
    3. Of course that’s possible. People should just admit that changing what God gave them CAN make them happy. :P
    4. No time for that, sorry.

    Loong: I think Minou answered that perfectly for me already: “They’ll get a sense of satisfaction from helping someone. That’s why it’s called a donation. :p”

    Minou: You’re the best, babe! Great answer. Haha. And I wish I had your problem of wishing they were different sizes on different days. To me, that means you’re probably perfect already. :P

    heartless: HOW DO YOU KNOW?!! I hope you haven’t seen them before!! :P

    Mince Pye: Tsk tsk. You should just be happy with what God gave you!! lol.

    RN1209: Wah, thanks for the typo check. lol. I have a long list of valid practical reasons why I need bigger boobs. But haven’t had the chance to actually write it out. :P

    JayWalk: He don’t dare to say anything!!!

    RoRK: To keep the breast envy down to a minimum.

    Anlooo: Who knows… maybe one of you should work on patenting those ideas and become rich and famous from it. :P

    tiger4: Hmm… I’ll let you guys know when I get around to setting up that Paypal button. Haha. Not that it has ever done me any good! As for testing out the products… um, you can test the prototype. I offer the GF’s manboobs. Haha.

    I haven’t had trouble accessing my site. But I have sent an e-mail to my webhost to see if they can pinpoint the problem. Hope it’s only temporary! And thanks for letting me know about this!

  12. Avatar


    Biokinesis is modifying your body (hair, nose, teeth, skin etc.) with your mind.
    Qigong is a form of basic biokinesis.

    Anyways, surgery is an easier and costlier alternative to biokinesis :P

  13. Avatar

    Relax: Ohhh… okay, I read an article once about some guy who cured his cancer with his mind. That was pretty amazing. But I don’t think I have that kind of mental discipline… it’s really tedious if you ask me!

    The Goonfather: I think JayWalk meant saying something about me wanting bigger boobs, and not about Mince Pye’s wish to become a cyborg.

  14. Avatar

    Anyway, heard on Class95 this morning that… the chance of cancer is related to the boob size. The bigger the boob, the more chance of getting cancer. Drinking coffee cause boobs to shrink, so the cup of your boobs is inversely proportionate to the cup of your coffee.

  15. Avatar

    hi sheylara, i’ve enjoyed reading your blog :)

    just wanna put my few cents worth of thought, hope i don’t sound preachy but, God doesn’t give us sickness.

    [it’s ok if you don’t want to believe or don’t want to read on :)]

    when the day is beautiful with warm sun and breeze, many[most christians AND non-christians] will say its ‘wonderful mother nature’.
    when we are faced with typhoons, hurricanes, earthquakes etc, many[most christians AND non-christians] will quickly ascribe calamities as work of God.

    God gave ppl the freedom to believe/dis-believe in Him. I’m not forcing u to believe in God, and God is NOT forcing u to believe in Him, simply coz love cannot be forced. Yet God is constantly working through good or bad circumstances to draw ppl to Him.

    There ARE sickness, wars, calamities not because God causes them. We all know the good ol’ story of how Adam & Eve disobeyed God and ate from the ‘tree of the knowledge of good and evil’. They were supposed to have eternal life but now, human-kind was subjected to sickness, diseases, death. Adam & Eve ad sinned. In other words, sin is separation from God. And sickness is a consequence from the separation from God.

    For christians who believe in God’s grace, if we are burdened by sicknesses or have loved ones who are suffering, we look up to and trust in the Lord and there will be an end to this. Because sickness is never God’s design!


  16. Avatar

    The Goonfather: Very weird that you should mention this today… cos last night I dreamt that I had cancer.

    tiger4: Haha… good thinking!

    kaylin: Thanks for sharing! :) It wasn’t really my intent to diss God or put any blame on him for anything. But I mentioned the word God in my post because the phrase “Be happy with what God gave you” has become such a cliche and people just use it without really considering the significance of it, that I just felt I had to address that.

    Nothing against God really… I’m more objecting to people using God as some kind of benchmark.

    Okay, but I’m glad that God never said he disapproved cosmetic surgery. Haha.

    heartless: lol… *bish*

    modchip: O_o

    Relax: Nah… kaylin sounds a lot more coherent and smart than Palin. :P

  17. Avatar

    “I’m more objecting to people using God as some kind of benchmark.”
    hahaha agreed :)

    sarah palin??? eew……..
    i’m for obama!

  18. Avatar

    Palin RoRKs!!! Obama and Biden cannot be trusted. The main media vehicles have ben bought over by Obama’s huge campaign resources. Biden was once caught for lying about his grades while he was a politician. It was a lie of such a degree that it couldn’t have been a mistake on his part.

    It’s strange that none of the main media vehicles have brought this to light especially considering how they dig deep into McCain and Palin’s past.

    Obama will say whatever and do whatever it takes to win. The man’s got no backbone.

    At the end of the day, those wishing that Obama wins because they want a president different from Bush will be disappointed because the only reason they don’t like Bush is due to his foreign policies.

    Well, sorry to burst your bubble but both the Senate and Congress will vote on major Foreign Policies as they have done previously. So don’t blame Bush solely for America’s foreign policies.

    For a right-wing look at Obama and this election, do visit http://www.worldnetdaily.com/ . I think a more balanced reading of Obama and Biden and how the media has handled this election will give folks a better idea of what’s happening.

    And now, back to your regular BooB Programming. :-)

  19. Avatar

    You don’t want to look like Michael Jackson. You’re already 100 times better-looking than him even without any cosmetic surgery. Perhaps a sugar daddy can pay for your boob job.

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