A telemarketer confounds the Goonfather

The Goonfather loves receiving calls from telemarketers. They’re worth a good 15 minutes of entertainment to him, at the very least.

You’ve read how the Goonfather foiled two of them. Now, here’s a different case.

This telemarketer was quite privileged not to have received the fabled Goonfather Treatment… but that was because he was entertaining enough on his own. He managed to make the Goonfather quite speechless, instead!

Telemarketer: Good afternoon, sir.

The Goonfather: Yo!

Telemarketer: I am calling on behalf of Standard Chartered. Is it convenient to talk to you at the moment?

The Goonfather: Wassup?

Telemarketer: Sir, I would like to inform you that you are entitled to a loan of four times your monthly income. How does that sound?

The Goonfather: Do I have to pay back?

Telemarketer: Haha… of course!

The Goonfather: Not interested…

Telemarketer: Sir, the loan has an incredible low interest of 0.XXX% per month.

The Goonfather: Hmm… and that is how many % per annum?

Telemarketer: About 3.XX%.

The Goonfather: Oh. Nah… I don’t need the money.

Telemarketer: Sir, why not you give it a try?

The Goonfather: No, I don’t need the money.

Telemarketer: You can use it to pay your outstanding credit card bills.

The Goonfather: My credit card bill has a balance of $0. I don’t need the money.

Telemarketer: Just give it a try, you may like it.

The Goonfather: Er… if you give me the money without needing me to pay it back, I would love it. But why would I want to take the money and pay interest when I don’t even need the money?

Telemarketer: Sir, just give it a try.

The Goonfather: No, I am fine. I am not in need of money.

Telemarketer: Give it a try. If you don’t like it, you can return the money within seven days.

The Goonfather: Er… you selling me loan or camera??

To borrow a pet phrase of Xiaxue‘s… KUA KUA KUA!

Sorry I had to do that, but this is really a kua kua kua moment, is it not?

The Goonfather asks, “Do people borrow money from banks to use as a fashion accessory nowadays? Like, they put a thick chunk of notes in their wallets to look good? And if they don’t like it, they can return to the bank at no cost?”

Ladies, if you’re out on a first date and your date’s wallet looks exceptionally fat, you might want to keep the awe in check for a bit.

21 thoughts on “A telemarketer confounds the Goonfather

  1. Avatar

    I like how he uses the phrase “give it a try”. Must be his favorite phrase or something.

    Like I really need to “try” the money… “this money doesn’t spend well, I prefer that other brand of money instead”.

    In addition to KUA KUA KUA, must make the sign of 3 fingers down the side of the head, to simulate 3 beads of perspiration to go along with incredulous look…

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    Mince Pye: Haha. Yes. It sounds like he couldn’t think of anything else to say and was grasping at straws. :P Quite hilarious, considering the product he was selling…

    Oh yeah, I forgot the sweat drops!! That’s important! Thanks! I have updated my post. :P

    modchip: Hehehe. I dunno where this phrase originated really, but I’ve only heard it used by Singaporeans.

    tiger4: Hah, yes, the sweat drop emoticon!

    Relax: lol, lots of FAILs in life to make us laugh.

    heartless: Hahaha… well, maybe one day, if I post enough of Goonfather stories, he will actually stop getting calls altogether!

    JayWalk: Kua kua kua!!

    Cornflict: lol, I think the Goonfather is going to be a hated figure among telemarketers.

  3. Avatar

    LOL! this is the first time i’m hearing that even loans can try then return one. ah. telemarketers have better think twice before calling the goonfather.

  4. Avatar

    Gotta love the GF. There’s a whole book waiting to be written. And I guess that money can be an accessory: use it to buy some Bling and then return the Bling and the money inside 7 days

  5. Avatar


    And yesterday GF had another victim. A Standard Charter telemarketer. But its another story which Sheylara would probably tell another time.

    Next time I received a call from telemarketer, I pass the call to GF.

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    jiahui: Heh, unfortunately for the banks, they don’t know the Goonfather’s real name, lol.

    aig: :)

    dxtehsecks: Hahaha. That’s damn funny!

    niall: lol.

    Ashtar83: Heh. Give my money a try!

    amd: Well, do your telemarketers keep pestering you to give their money a try? :P

    Jesta: If you used money to buy bling, how would you still have money left to return in 7 days??

    Anlooo: Haha…. he’s going to be really busy with phone calls if you pass all your calls to him. :P

  7. Avatar

    heartless: Yeah, nowadays ah… you see his face light up when telemarketers call him. It’s crazy, I tell you.

    amd: Heheh, okay next time try to annoy them back for revenge. :P

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