GGF#3: Monsters invading my bedroom

[Gamer Girl Friday]

The irony of being a gaming writer/editor and generally working in the gaming industry is that one hardly gets to play games because one gets so busy with work.

I’m reading and writing about games more than I’m actually playing them, which is a dreadful shame. Can you believe that I’m only level 7 in Age of Conan and I got that game about 10 days ago?

Well, I suppose there’s always Rock Band. I try to keep my weekend evenings free to jam with my friends and we’d play till the wee hours of the morning.

I love my life, nevertheless (when I’m not being hassled by idiots).

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Table of Contents

  1. Monsters invading my bedroom
  2. Enter the World of Wifecraft
  3. Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Part II
  4. Ninja Gaiden II gameplay (sneak preview!)
  5. Someone won the mystery prize
  6. Six more days to win Grand Theft Auto IV!
  7. Ask Sheylara
  8. Win a Ninja Gaiden II game!

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Monsters invading my bedroom

So, the Goonfather has been addicted to the silliest of games for over two weeks now, playing it every night before going to bed.

It’s one of those cheap arcade games you can download from the PlayStation 3 Network for a ridiculously low price, which just goes to show that it’s a silly game.

[All your, um, trees are belong to us]

It’s called Pixel Junk Monsters, supposedly inspired by the ever-popular Tower Defense. The Goonfather claims that it’s gotten the whole world addicted to it.

You play this old man who looks like a cross between a tortoise and a spoon.

I am totally not joking.

[It's a busy world]

Your whole sad mission in life is to repeatedly protect a bunch of ugly-looking baby freaks from getting eaten by wave after wave of invading monsters.

[We are freaks, hear us squeak]

As a side note, I would like to comment that the monsters are infinitely better looking than the tortoise man and his sad babies.

[Panda bears]

Those freakish babies, may I inform you, do not add value at all to your existence as a tortoise man because they just jiggle around in a corner and don’t even lift a finger to help you (assuming they have fingers) and just meekly get eaten by monsters without putting up half a fight.

[Save the trees!]

When I watch the game, I feel terribly sad for the tortoise man (who the Goonfather informed me is not actually a tortoise but a village chieftain wearing a shield on his back). Every second of the game, you’re making him scurry around the screen frantically, performing any one of the following tasks:

  1. Turn trees into artillery towers to shoot at monsters that come close.
  2. Pick up coins and gems dropped by dead monsters before they disappear.
  3. Stand in a tower and do a silly awkward dance rivalling William Hung’s virgin performance. Towers get upgraded when you’ve danced long enough in them.
  4. Unlock new artillery with the coins/gems you pick up.
  5. Try not to get eaten by the monsters yourself.

It’s a simple game that’s not simple, if you get what I mean. The levels get harder and babies get eaten faster.

[Winter is when summer is not]

I don’t know about you, but I’d just let the babies get eaten and then I can wash my hands off ’em and run off to Maui to relax on the beach with all the coins I picked up from the dead monsters.

I don’t know. Some people are just weird.

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Enter the World of Wifecraft

This video is a must-watch for everyone, gamer or not. While being kookily entertaining, it also explores a very serious social problem that has plagued humanity since MMORPGs were invented.

It’s the problem of spousal neglect resulting from MMORPG addiction. This video offers a solution… or not.

It’s not exactly rofl-funny, but it’s very, very amusing. I love how these men have name and guild tags above their heads! Haha!

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Adventures of Sheylara the Barbarian Pt II

Read Part I first

Sheylara and her new friend, Casilda, had been trekking through the jungle for a few hours now. Hot and thirsty, the girls decided to stop for a drink.

[She waited for the brick to fall]

“Hey!” Casilda suddenly shouted out. “I know a shortcut to the city!”

“Why didn’t you say so earlier?”

“Well… it isn’t exactly the safest route.”

“Forget it, then. I don’t want to get hacked again.”

The girls were silent for a moment before Casilda ventured again. “If we took that shortcut, we could get there so much faster…”

“No.”

“But…”

“No.”

“I’ll help you beat away the mobs. C’mon.”

So, it was that Sheylara allowed herself to be talked into taking that shortcut.

[It was a nice and sunny day out]

[The pigs had been at it again]

As she stepped hesitantly through the arched opening, Sheylara had a feeling that something wasn’t right.

She was right.

“YUAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” was the next thing she heard, and then…

[It was a refreshing bloodbath]

“To arms! To arms!” cried Sheylara. “Flank my right!”

The intended recipient of her cries, unfortunately, had considered and promptly rejected Sheylara’s suggestion of strategic flanking, preferring instead to hang back and offer help by applauding.

[Everyone needs an audience]

“Oooh, fierce!” clapped Casilda, her eyes widening in both fear and delight.

“CASIIIIIILLLDAAAAAA!” shrieked Sheylara, and then she could speak no more.

[The air smells fresher at the bottom]

“WTF,” said Sheylara’s corpse.

“Oh dear, oh dear,” fussed Casilda. “What a mess. You’ve got gore all over your new swimsuit.”

Sheylara would have strangled Casilda if her corpse had been able to move. “I am dead and you’re worried about gore on my swimsuit!?!?!”

“Awfully sorry, mate,” said Casilda. “I’ll, uh, I’ll keep watch here while you release and run back, okay?”

Muttering curses under her non-existent breath, Sheylara released back to her spawn point and started trekking back. She had half a mind to leave the dumb blonde to her own devices, but she needed someone to show her the way to Tortage.

Sighing wearily, Sheylara made her way back to Casilda.

“No more shortcuts!” demanded Sheylara, once kind-hearted and innocent, now still reasonably kind-hearted but not quite so innocent anymore.

“Alright, alright!” said Casilda amiably.

The scenic route to Tortage took the two girls the better half of the day but they eventually arrived at an impressively intimidating gateway.

[Blue skies, nothing but blue skies every day]

“Oooh, the city of Tortage!” Sheylara sucked in a deep breath of awe.

[The city that never sleeps]

Excitedly but reverently, Sheylara pushed open the gate and stepped through.

[The natural city]

“What kind of city is this?” sputtered Sheylara. “There’s nothing but trees!”

“We’re not there yet. This is only the city perimeter.”

“Oh.”

The girls continued walking and came upon a https://www.nafsiyat.org.uk/buy-cialis/ road sign pointing the way to the city.

[That way to the rest of your life]

“I feel cheated,” said Sheylara. “I thought we were there already. I’m tired.”

“Aww, don’t,” Casilda said. “Tell you what, I’ll do your hair to make you feel better!”

“Well, I don’t…” began Sheylara.

She stopped abruptly as the real city gate of Tortage loomed before her.

[She considered the best way to scale them walls]

“Is this is?” Sheylara eyed the structure suspiciously.

“Yes!” beamed Casilda.

“Ooh!” Sheylara danced with joy. “Let’s hurry! I’m dying for a cream soda!”

“But what about that hairdo?”

“I really don’t…”

“You want to look your best when you enter the city, don’t you? Think of the hundreds of barbarians you’re going to meet!”

“Well… okay.”

“Awesome!”

So, Casilda did magic with her fingers and transformed Sheylara into a new barbarian. Her job done, the sometimes hairstylist clapped her hands to her ample bosom and gushed proudly. “It’s sooooo beautiful!”

“Lemme see! Lemme see!” cried Sheylara as she skipped to the nearest pond to look.

[The makeover took a really long time]

“OMG,” said the relatively kind-hearted and still a little innocent Sheylara. “What have you done?! I’m a…”

“Blonde!” finished Casilda.

“But…but…”

“Haven’t you heard?” smiled Casilda sagely. “Blondes have more fun!”

(To be continued next week…)

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Ninja Gaiden II gameplay (sneak preview!)

I know you guys can’t wait for the launch, so here’s a short teaser clip of the Ninja Gaiden II gameplay, showing Ryu Hayabusa fight his way to the first boss!

If you click on the screen to go to the YouTube page, you can select the high quality video option.

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Someone won the mystery prize

Last week, as a side contest, I invited readers to rank the three major consoles in answer to another reader’s question.

I am pleased to announce metal_spider as the winner of this contest!

Thank you for your answer. You win the mystery prize of a PSP pouch!

Front view:
[Front]

Back view:
[Back]

It’s a soft pouch. It looks crumpled because it’s new.

Congratulations, metal_spider!

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Six more days to win Grand Theft Auto IV!

There is still time left to try and win yourself a Grand Theft Auto IV box for the Xbox 360!

[Grand Theft Auto IV]

Click here to read the rules if you’ve forgotten all about it.

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Ask Sheylara

Ask me any gaming-related questions! Post them in the comments or e-mail me, I don’t really care. I will try to answer all questions (unless I get like 500 questions a day).

ToughGuy asks an irrelevant question:

Will you marry me?

Sheylara Says:

Um…. no, not really. Awfully nice of you to ask, though. NEXT!!

Jason Ng asks an Xbox 360 question:

Can you recommend me some Xbox 360 games that are must-buy? Anything but FPS games cos I don’t like them.

Sheylara Says:

Here are some of the more popular non-FPS Xbox 360 titles:

Ninja Gaiden II (coming June 4)
Grand Theft Auto IV
Assassin’s Creed
Mass Effect
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Lost Odyssey

Why not try some FPS, though. The Halo series is one of the best-selling titles exclusive to the Xbox and it’s really a shame for an Xbox owner not to have played it. Try Halo 3, the latest in the series, at least!

Bunnie asks a Rock Band question:

I read that you play Rock Band. Can you share how to become better at playing it? I like it but always can’t catch up with the notes.

Sheylara Says:

Uh… how do you get better at anything? Practice lah. For any instrument you choose to play, start with the easiest songs on Easy mode. Play each song until you can get it almost perfect, then move on.

If there are segments that keep causing you to lose marks, go into Training mode and play the song on a slower speed. Gradually increase the speed and practice until you can play it with your eyes close.

Any specific questions and answers you want to read in Ask Sheylara? Well, ask Sheylara! You can use a pseudonym if you don’t want your name to be splashed all over here.

[Back to Table of Contents]

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Win a Ninja Gaiden II game!

Why, yes, I just happen to have another game to give away this week, you lucky fellas!

I don’t want to make it a habit and spoil you, but I gotta give ’em away as I get them, don’t I?

This week’s prize is a Ninja Gaiden II game, exclusive for the Xbox 360!

[Ryu Hayabusa demands royalties for his appearance]

How to win this week’s prize

  1. Tell me something funny or interesting you’ve encountered as a gamer, whether in real life or ingame (no word count requirement).
  2. Post it in the comments here by June 3, 2008, 11:59 pm
  3. A lucky draw will be conducted to pick a winner from all entries.

Once I’ve got a winner, I will contact you via e-mail immediately and try to arrange to give you your prize on June 4 so you can own the game on the very first day of game release!

Exciting, no?

Well, obviously, if the winner is from overseas, you’ll just have to wait till the prize gets mailed to you.

Now, get to it! This contest lasts only four days!

[Back to Table of Contents]

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I wonder if anyone ever reads this bit at the end.

Because Gamer Girl Friday is such a physically long entry, I have a thought that most people just stop reading halfway and go away. Some might read selectively by clicking on only the topics they’re interested in (since I’ve so helpfully incorporated a very convenient navigation system for yous).

Well, if no one’s reading this, should I be shortening my keyboard’s lifespan by typing away here just for the sake of having a last word?

That’s kind of a rhetorical question, but you can answer it if you like, if only to prove me wrong about there being no one reading this.

Have a fantastic weekend!

[Gamer Girl Friday]

38 thoughts on “GGF#3: Monsters invading my bedroom

  1. Avatar

    I want the NG2, because I’m a stingy bum.

    Anyways, some months ago I was jumped into a random Call of Duty 4 game which was filled with australians. As soon as I got in, someone immediately started screaming: “OMG It’s happyfeetie!!!111one! We don’t have to play anymore, we might as well sit here twiddling our thumbs!!! …….Oh wait, he’s on our team, cool!”

    He shut up for the rest of the game.

  2. Avatar

    Hey can you use the guitar from GH3 and become the 4th player in Rock Band? So you’ll have 2 guitars (1 lead, 1 bass), 1 singer and 1 drummer.

    That’s what the games shop guy told me, is it true?

  3. Avatar

    happyfeetie: Okay, you’re going to have to explain that to me. If it’s a reference to the movie Happy Feet, I didn’t watch it, so I don’t know the joke. :P

    Hun Boon: That’s totally not true. Rock Band and Guitar Hero guitars are not compatible. I think the guy trying to con you.

  4. Avatar

    It’s not true for PS3 version of the GH3 guitar.

    Not so sure about the XBox360 version. I remember reading somewhere that it’s possible to use the XBox360 GH3 guitar with the XBox360 Rockband.

  5. Avatar

    Oops. Ok I guess it wasn’t that funny a story after all. It’s not a reference to the silly penguin movie (my nick doesn’t even come from that, it comes from Kermit the frog from NBA game halftimes but that’s an entirely different story by itself).

    Apparently I had played with the said aussie gamer before, and I must have wiped the floor with his face so bad he was pissing his pants just to see me in the game lobby. It was pretty hilarious (to me at least, oh well).

  6. Avatar

    Okay, how about another story then. In Call of Duty 4 we’re allowed to enter our own clan tags, for a long time, I used =3, which is basically a cat-faced smiley. Until one day someone asked if I had a short wiener. Apparently everyone was mistaking it as a variation of the phallic 8==D tags every kid was using.

    I changed it immediately.

  7. Avatar

    Thanks for issue#3 of GGF! :D

    I want Ninja Gaiden 2 too, so here’s something interesting. Have you ever played/heard of the game Guilty Gear XX? There’s a ‘female fighter’ in the game named Bridget. So what’s interesting about that? I was shocked when I first discovered this, Bridget is actually male, hehe… Shhhh… 0_o

  8. Avatar

    Well i want the game too cause i’m thinking if i should pre order it cause i have like 6-7 games to play so i give your contest a shot ..lol

    I was walking away from macDonald with a friend after buying some burger. My stupid friend suddenly says “oh, i’m too hungry liao! can i have the burger now? please hold and open the burger as i want to tear open a packet of chilli.”

    I was like “wth? stopping in the middle of a working crowd? so there i was, holding open his burger and waiting for him to tear open the chili. suddenly, ahhh–choooo!” and the chilli misses its target and onto some elegant ladies and the burger fell flat onto the floor. Apparently, he is overly excited and decides to stick some of his “flying missions” towards me and press the chilli too hard and in the same process, manage to get the burger off me.

    Wah sey, super malu le! the 2 girls was showing us the “i want to have you for supper” look as we repeatedly say sorry to them. cannot imagine!

  9. Avatar

    Hey Monster,

    I like the monster game. Maybe…maybe it’s time finally for me to get a PSP…..must get my evil Greyee to buy me one! Damn! I want that monster game!

  10. Avatar

    Unfortunately for Monster, the Monster game is on the PS3, not PSP…

    Yes, you’d have to get a huge-ass PS3 to play Pixel Junk Monsters. :P

  11. Avatar

    an interesting gaming related thing maybe.

    when i was growing up i really was into gaming i would go to the arcades whenever i got the chance. but my mom would keep nagging that playing arcade was the same thing as gambling and shit. i never gave up gaming i even saved up and got a saturn. but my mom would still nag saying that games a for children and that i am to old for this(i was in sec 1 at that time). i still continued but never played in front of my mom always in my room and out of sight but could still hearing the same nagging shit over and over that games are for children.

    many years passed i was older still a gamer had a ps2&gc. this happen when the game killer 7 came out. the tv in my room broke down. i really wanted to play this game so i had no choice but to play in the living room. now if you played k7 you would know its a mature game. so playing with game with the character shouting the F word every he killed something. and the scene where female character makes those sexual moans. lets just say that there was no nagging this time hahaha.

    ok that was not very interesting but whatever i got nothing else

  12. Avatar

    Fortunately, the Monster game supports remote play. So you can play it on the PSP. In order to do this, you need an up to date firmware PSP(meaning not hacked) to link up with your PS3, so you can play it while taking a dump.

  13. Avatar

    But the remote PSP play still doesn’t change the fact that you need a PS3 to play the game wat!

  14. Avatar

    Ok, funny and interesting thing I’ve encountered as a gamer? Well, GTAIV? Before March this year, it’s like nobody knows a thing about GTAIV. I was even worried about not being able to get it on launch day! Suddenly, every store starts jumping on the bandwagon ans starts selling GTAIV! Last-minute Singaporeans, huh? Well, I can still remember the experience a few years ago when San Andreas was released. Ah, banned and all. Hopefully, things are better now!

    Sorry if my ‘experience’ as a gamer was too stupid or short. GGF is a nice weekly column, though, I must say.

  15. Avatar

    I actually enjoy tower defence games. There’s a surprisingly good one over on Miniclip.com called Canyon Defence. The best bits are that there are no cute (?) animals and its FREEEEEE!

  16. Avatar

    I have to ask: in AoC, where do you keep your weapons? (The real ones, rather than the two bazookas on your chest)

  17. Avatar

    Hi Sheylara, true story here….

    So I’ve been a gamer since 2003 when I got my first Xbox and Halo, and a Hardcore gamer when I received Xbox Live, which introduced me to the world and a group of Singaporeans who were VERY pro. I’ve always wanted to go pro, so when a Halo 3 competition was set up, I went for it (first competition I’ve entered). Well after meeting the pros and recognising their faces , by the time of the Second Halo 3 competition, I had remembered almost all their faces.

    Then I start seeing this guy in my new school; orientation camps, lectures and what nots. Thing is, this guy looks exactly (imo) like one of the ‘Pros’ from the Halo competition and Xbox Live. Well after seeing him almost everywhere, I finally had the guts to approach him one day in the bus stop and asked him “Hi are you (Gamertag XXX)?” He looks at me funny and says, “No”. I was so embarrassed I quickly apologised and went to class. Well a few weeks after that, my friend, who sometimes hanged out with the Pros came over to my school to visit. I brought him around, and then I see the same guy again! I ask my friend “Hey you see that guy, isn’t he (Gamertag XXX)? I’ve seen him so many times already!”

    My friend looks and me like this: -_-” and says “That guy’s Chinese la, not Malay!” O.o

  18. Avatar

    Goonfather,

    Alamak, like that the Monster Game is way too complicated for a person with a birdbrain like me!

  19. Avatar

    Hey Sheylara I would like to inform you that yesterday was my birthday and there would be no greater present than Ninja Gaiden 2 for it! So here is my true story.( This is a long story)

    I was going to travel to London to stay there for some time, but there was no direct flight so I had to take a connecting flight. In any country this would have been no problem, but seeing as i live in Egypt(Hurghada) this was a big problem, and you will find out why.

    In order to get to London I had to get a flight from Hurghada to Cairo and then Cairo to London. Sounded straight forward (brace yourselves readers for this is a very gruesome story).

    I got to the airport in Hurghada at 7am my flight to Cairo was at 8:15 so it was alright. I checked my bags straight onto my connecting flight to cairo to avoid having to carry my bags with me around the airport. Then I sat down at the gate happily listening to music and lost track of time. I wasnt worried about this because they always tell you when its time to leave. I realisec that I had been sitting down for quite a long time so I checked the time and to my surprise it was 8:45 and my connecting flight to London was at 10:00 so I was a little bit worried.

    I got on the plane at 9:10 which is bad because it takes an hour to get to Cairo. I arrived in Cairo at 9:53 so I knew there was no chance for me to get on the plane. So I asked the Egypt air people at the Internal Flight problems desk (I was flying with Egypt air, obviously a mistake) when the next flight to London was and they told me it was at 6:00pm, its was 10:22 at the time. So it meant I had to wait 8 hrs for a flight.

    At 6:00 I returned to the Internal Flight Problems desk to collect my tickets and leave the airport, when they told me the flight had already left and I was to wait until 8:00 for another flight. Stricken with rage I stormed off to the reastaurant which was where I had been staying fot the last 8 hrs. I waited another two hrs and then went back to the desk where they then told me that I had missed the flight again and would therefore have to come back the next day for the next flight. At this point I had developed an extreme hatred for everything and everyone Egyptian. My mums friend came to pick me up, to stay at their house, at wich place I had to endure the entire night of their kids bothering me.

    I woke up early the next day and was glad to be leaving. When me and my mums friend arrived at the airport. They said the flight was cancelled and I could either wait until 4pm for another one or I could come back the next day and take a flight to Hurghada , I chose to go to Hurghada because 1: Im not stupid 2: I couldnt stand the sight of the egypt air attendants face and 3: I thought I was going to have a mental outburst and kill someone.

    On my way back I remembered something quite important, my bags!. I then called Egypt Air and told them to my situation and they said they would have my bags on my next flight. Next day I went back to the airport, got my tickets, said goodbye to my mums friend and got on the plane. Atlast! I was on the plane and in first class so I was happy for the first time in 2 days! until I saw who I was sitting next to.

    I was sitting next to a transvestite!( a man that dresses up as a woman), very scary one aswell, it was big, muscular, and in a pink dress. There are not many words to wite to express how happy I was to get off that plane! so I went to go and get my bags and waited 20 mins until I realised that they werent coming. This infuriated me.

    When I got back to my house in Hurghada all I did was laugh at what I had just been through. funny isnt it.

    Sorry for this being so long. I know that you are busy and have other important things to do but I feel that people should know of my adventures.
    ps. It took me 4 weeks to get my bags back!

  20. Avatar

    Ok here’s my entry for the NG2 game lucky draw. It’s really an ‘inside’ joke of the COD4 gamers from BOB but well, I tot it was real funny and I shall share it here.

    When playing Team Deathmatch in COD4, we often need to tell our team mates the locations of the enemy. So one fine day, when playing in the Chinatown map from the latest map pack, our dearest Smoe starts telling us that the enemy is in the MUSHROOM SHOP. This went on for a few weeks without anyone ever knowing where the heck the mushroom shop is at.

    Finally, we all couldn’t take it and we created a private match . Asked everyone to cease-fire and made Smoe lead us to the Mushroom shop. So everyone gathered at the main road in Chinatown and Smoe led us into a house and started showing us the mushrooms…

    Upon first look, I saw that those were fishes and furthermore, there were lobsters beside those fishes so I was pretty sure.

    Me: “WTF, these are fishes la!!!!”
    Smoe: “Oops ok, these are fishes. The mushrooms are here!” *proceeds to bring us to the room next door.*
    Me:”OMG!! These are mussels!” -_-“””””””

    And I proceed to bring Smoe outside the shop and showed him the signboard stating

    KAR PG CO (Large fonts)
    fish market (small fonts)

    From then on, we all knew the place as the mushroom shop and even tho we know that its a fish market.

    For those interested in where the mushroom shop is, check out this link
    http://www.bob.com.sg/forum/showthread.php?t=50011

    Moral of the story: Read signboards

  21. Avatar

    In the year 2001, I started on Everquest MMORPG. Was new to the game and environment. Was having fun playing on the first day I got the game.

    On the 2nd day, I couldn’t wait to get home after work to continue beating up those madman in Desert Ro. 1hr into playing, my screen went blank. I was like WTF! Anyway, my PC was pushed to the edge with overclocking and all those DIY coolings, even had a self made watercooling block(not a retail product during that time). I reset the PC while cursing at the damn crash.

    Got back into the game again and after 15mins of smacking those madman, my screen when blank again. Argghh.. It was getting frustrating. Rebooted the PC, tried to change some settings and hope that it doesn’t crash again.

    This time, I managed to play for 30 minutes before the the getting hit with a blank screen. Sat in my chair staring at the screen fuming over the problem, when suddenly the screen came back on. Wow! I continued my battle with the last madman I was fighting with. After I was done, I checked my log to see how much damage I had taken while my screen crash. And I saw this message…………………..

    “You have been blinded by a madman.”

    Duh!

    Am I too late for the contest?? =P

    S

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