A Chinese Wedding — Hotel Havoc

Imagine having to be up at 4 am to get ready for someone else’s wedding. (Ok lah, I had to wake up earlier than the others because I’m vain and take a longer time to get ready.)

I only slept for two hours because I had work to finish (while the Goonfather, Morte and Wang Wang played Guitar Hero 3 in my room the night before).

Anyway, the wedding.

By the time we were done with the morning festivities, which included the bride pickup, tea ceremonies, lunch buffets and shuffling back and forth endlessly between three homes, I was quite bushed. I’m sure everyone was.

By then, the hotel bed was a welcome sight!

Kerrendor and Minou held their wedding banquet at Goodwood Park Hotel and they booked us rooms to crash in before the banquet.

The brothers had one room, the sisters another. But most of the sisters went home for some reason or other, so Wang Wang and I had one room all to ourselves!! Woooeeee!!

We staked our claim right away!

The room was nice and spacious.

But I didn’t get to enjoy the space for too long because, right after taking these photos, I took off my clothes and jumped into bed.

And snoozed for two hours while Wang Wang flitted about the hotel, visiting the bridal suite, the brothers’ room, and I dunno what else she was doing.

At 3:45 pm, my phone alarm woke me up. I had to get ready for the banquet rehearsal.


Tried to flatten the kinks in my hair, freshen up my makeup and choose a dress, all in 15 minutes.

(I was having a dress crisis and didn’t decide what to wear until three hours before the banquet. I brought two dresses and Joey brought two for me to try on.)

I finally settled on the cheapest of the lot — a $30 dress I had bought on a whim two days before. *lol*

I tried to take a photo of it off the ballroom’s wall mirror. But the stupid mirror was layered and made me look funny.

So I had a picture with Joey, instead.

I know it’s unrelated but I don’t really care.

I also took a picture when everyone had arrived and were discussing their respective duties.

I thought the picture turned out funny. Like an interrogation or something. Hahaha.

My job was to be the emcee, together with Morte. (That’s why I was having a dress crisis, because I didn’t have anything formal enough to wear for the job.)

You know, I tasked the Goonfather with taking photos of me and Morte on stage. And the whole entire night, he only took ONE LOUSY SUPER BLUR PHOTO!

I had to turn up the brightness and contrast drastically in order for the people in the photo to be recognised as human beings.


Now you know why I always take my own photographs.

Anyway, after the fifth course of the banquet, Morte and I were relieved of our emcee duties. We could sit back and start on the alcohol!

Four full glasses of pure brandy, waiting for the groom. OMG.

After some thought, the guys decided that it was too evil.

So they threw in two glasses of beer to neutralise the brandy.


Anyway, everyone knows that the arrival of heavy duty alcohol marks the beginning of unbridled debauchery!

Morte stole one of the wedding balloons and resculptured it.

It was such a hit that the guys placed it on an ambrosial pedestal of honour.

Check out the amount of alcohol our table consumed (and spilled, if you can see the big faded red patch).

The orange soda in the wine glass is mine, by the way.

I was a paragon of virtue trapped in a decadent vice city!!

After the banquet, the vice squad trooped up to the bridal suite to revel in more debauchery.

They pretended at first. Just sat there modestly as if they were just having a merry little tea party.

Indulged in quaint methods of eye therapy.

Sipped red wine out of dainty Chinese tea cups.

An innocent bystander would not have been prepared for the aftermath.

And what an aftermath it was.

Without warning, it went from this:

To this:

And this:

Paragon of virtue traumatised:

After almost 24 hours of celebration, the wedding finally came to an end with everyone stumbling off to any available hotel room, leaving the newly-weds to clean up the mess.

What an amazing experience, even if some parts were traumatising. Gotta love my friends!

Happy ever after, Kerrendor and Minou!

22 thoughts on “A Chinese Wedding — Hotel Havoc

  1. Avatar

    Now that is how a party should be, fun, drinking and balloon body parts!

    Orange soda???????? That is what you drank??
    Actually, orange soda is pretty good now that I think about it so I will let you slide.

    Anyway, you look exhausted in the last photo. I hope you got to rest well afterwards.

    Looks like fun as had by all. And that is the important thing.

    Now that I know you are a “tricksum developer”, I may be contacting you for your services. I have some frenemies that need a taste of the real world. HA

  2. Avatar

    …and modchip is back in the lead powering by in a late braking maneuver at the corner, and only 7 laps to go. This is nail-biting stuff with the two of them far ahead of the pack and swapping the lead between them. Who will take the podium? Only time will tell…

  3. Avatar

    Hello Ms Paragon of Virtue…I distinctively remembered you holding your camera walking about without taking any pictures and shrieking very very loudly in the bridal suite. :p

  4. Avatar

    Hope u didn’t literally trash the rooms. Contrary to popular belief, hotels DO charge for damages & they charge straight to your credit card.

    In my previous work place, we charged the $3000 bill for burnt carpet to the wedding couple who threatened to sue but later figured it was cheaper NOT to.

  5. Avatar

    If you look good even when you’re “traumatised”.

    But red wine out of a chinese tea cup… well.. why not?? Other chinese wines you can drink out of the glass as well… :)

  6. Avatar

    modchip: I think it’s so typical of men.

    Mike M: Yeah, it’s really great having a bunch of crazy friends wno don’t mind doing silly things to entertain one another! Haha. Oh, you can also contact Morte for alternative balloon sculpturing services, I suppose. :P

    kerr: I don’t blame you for missing anything since you were literally trapped under a pile of sweaty male bodies the whole night. Wahahaha.

    Jesta: How about the secondary race between arachno and Jesta? There’s a close fight there for third place. We musn’t neglect other contenders in the race!

    Minou: Hello Minou! Indeed, when faced with so many traumatisomg events all at once bombarding one’s very delicate senses, the only sensible thing to do would be to shriek very loudly! :P

    Derrick: Heh, I don’t think the room suffered anything more than being flooded with wilting rose petals. Someone was throwing roses at everyone the whole night, the crazy bugger.

    Morte: Morte is a cock!

    JokeDiary: Alcohol helps to make a shy person outgoing. :P

    arachno: I guess it’s just kinda strange to drink Western wine out of Chinese cups. Kinda like if you went to a burger joint and they gave you chopsticks to eat your fries with. :P

    Kelvin: I think it will brick if you try to update a Jap set with a US game.

    Mince Pye: Yeah, next time I’d better engage your services, instead. :P

    darkelfin: You seem to be the only one who picked up on that. Lalalalala.

  7. Avatar

    I do not think it is physically possible for guys to miss it when a girl says the phrase “I took off my clothes…”

    That being said, I think most were too polite to respond with “pix pls kthxbye” :P

  8. Avatar

    Qiaoyun: Not strange, have you been given chopsticks to eat steak? I have in Shanghai… WTF??? how am I going to eat it… even the locals themselves also find it strange…

  9. Avatar

    Mince Pye: I think it’s possible because I know many guys, when they read blogs, they don’t really read the words. They just scroll down and look at the pictures. (Like the Goonfather. He only reads my blog because I force him to. lol.)

    smallapple: Duh.!! I don’t want my blog to get shut down. hahaha.

    arachno: Chopsticks with steak! lol what a cute concept. No, never encountered that. So… how did you eat your steak?

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