Would you cry if they die?

I always ask myself this question: What if [a loved one] were to die? How deeply would I grieve?

I know that’s very morbid. (But it’s hardly my most morbid yet.)

I often think about a loved one’s death to gauge exactly how much that person means to me. It could be a family member, a significant other, a close friend. Actually, I also wonder about regular friends periodically, just to see how far up the friendship rung I’ve moved up with them at a given moment.

Sometimes when I’m lying in bed trying to sleep, my mind wanders. I have really bad insomnia so that happens a lot.

I think about a specific person and I picture his (or her) death. I imagine the way I receive the news. I imagine going to the funeral. I imagine living life without him/her. I imagine the little things the person does that makes me laugh or smile. I imagine his/her absence from my life. And I imagine never being able to see this person ever again.

As I visualise each stage, I allow genuine emotions to wash over me, as if the events I’m imagining are really happening. Usually, if the person means a whole lot to me, tears will roll. I will feel the emptiness and the pain of loss. And I will feel the abject fear of losing him/her.

That’s when I know how much the person means to me and I resolve never to take him (or her) for granted, and to treasure each and every moment I have with him/her.

Yes, it’s a very morbid exercise, but I think it helps me appreciate life and especially appreciate the people around me. It keeps me from taking people for granted.

Do you question yourself thus?

You might find yourself surprised by the result.

28 thoughts on “Would you cry if they die?

  1. Avatar

    You’re right… even just thinking it, hurts. It’s really like hard to take it in, when you know someone close to you will someday… :(

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    Are u making an obituary of your toes hah, dare to be different is it??
    Yah, I often take life for granted & always have the ‘bo chap’ attitude to life .. like we are immortal (aka computer game like jus press the reset button) till death struck my grandfather which was like a shining light in my life … (why why good people have to die, did not take long to hit home when u see the body move into the furnace where it hits u that it will be last u see of him. It took me a long while to get over it but from that reality check. i always remember all of us have shelf life.. (Remember shakespeare, life is like a stage & we are merely actors or actresses on a stageplay, our act will end when the curtain comes down for us) :(

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    modchip: Yeah, isn’t it? Sometimes these thoughts really frighten me, make me afraid of the day it happens.

    nicole: Awww, crying in sleep is so sad. Hope you don’t do it too often!

    Starstruck: Eh, no lah. The toes is just a random photo I grabbed from my photo archive because I didn’t have time to mull over what photo to use.

    So sorry to hear about your grandfather. I really hate this part about life, having to go through all that pain and sadness when someone leaves. And knowing that in life, it’s inevitable for us to go through such events many times in our lives. I think I fear the death of a loved one much more than I fear my own death.

    starmist: I’m not surprised to hear this from you. You’re quite a sentimental person, but that’s not a bad thing!

    desmond!!: Thanks! I’m glad you feel the same way too.

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    I picture that b4 too and its like getting myself to be ‘mentally prepared’ for such thingy but got once when the someone i care is gone, the pain is so much so much far worse then my imagination… People say time will heal all wounds, but I know it doesn’t. It is just that as the time pass by, you learnt to cope with the wound. It has always been there.

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    Teh-O: Thanks for sharing what you’ve experienced. Yeah, I agree that no amount of imagination can compare to the real thing. I guess mental preparation can never be a cushion against pain. It could cushion against shock, but the pain will definitely be there.

    Well, I don’t have any experience yet with non-healing wounds. I hope I never have to. :(

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    Hmm, maybe I’m abit self-centred….but I imagine of me passing away instead lol. I would think of how I like to be remembered by those groups around me…my family, my close friends, my colleagues, my worshippers etc.

    Have I been a good enough son to my mother (your grandma!! omg!)? Have I been a supportive friend in my life? Did I contribute enough to my work to make an impact for them to remember me by? Those who are in my funeral….do they genuinely feel sad of my passing?

    As I visualize what I really want to be remembered by, I begin to a have a clearer idea of how much more effort I need to put in and if I have been “slacking” lately. Maybe in this kind of context, you tend to be more truthful to yourself and see things clearer?

    In my funeral, you most probably will be thinking:

    “Yay, no one to write stupid crap on my blog liao! :D”

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    I often find myself thinking like that. It seems to be my mind’s revenge for whatever sins it thinks I have committed by deluging it in caffeine during the day, so when night comes along it seizes its chance…

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    Heya! I’ve always think that, the worth of someone is not measured by the fortunes he/she earn in their lifetime, nor really things that they had done etc. Rather, a true measure of someone’s worth is, how much tears are being fallen in their funerals.

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    Mother: Mmm. That’s interesting, too. I have tried to explore that perspective but I don’t really like to think about my death because 1) I can’t imagine why anyone would cry for me or miss me apart from my immediate family. 2) I feel sad when I think of my loved ones crying for me. You must understand that it’s ok for me to feel sad myself, but I can’t stand the thought of anyone else feeling sad for me. =P

    Next time you think about these things again, don’t just ask whether you have been a good enough son to your mother. Ask yourself too whether you are a good enough Mother to your Daughter! Hahaha. :P

    Jesta: Haha. Funny that you think such thoughts are punishment. Well, they’re unpleasant, certainly, but I think being morbid is human nature. lol.

    fish: But the world is not perfect :(

    Kev: Well, that’s one way of measuring a life. :)

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    Monster: Yeah I know you. You’re probably as morbid as I am, if not more. :P

    starmist: Well, I suppose sometimes too sentimental also no good. But this kinda thing not easy to control… so I know what you mean.

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    Just don’t think too much. Just live each day as though it is the last.
    Many a time, we tend to worry about thing that we can’t change or foreseen. We tend to be critical and stress over thing we ourselves not willing to do anything about. So let fate determines its course and life will be much happier.

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    But if people don’t think too much and live each day as though it were the last, wouldn’t that make them irresponsible and also not learn from mistakes, and stuff like that? :P

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    well, if each day are the last, most will tend to be more responsible and more focus because people doesn’t want to leave this world as a useless person. That’s why I mention to not worry thing you can’t change but focus on things you can change because at the end, worry too much without any action to resolve is one such useless activity.

    But anyway, it is nostalgic trying to recall the past of people around you.

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    there are no rez spells in our world…
    There are no dead people, only forgotten ones as they live in the memories of the living..

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    bigmac: True, that makes sense too. It would work on most people except suicide cases. People who take their own lives don’t even want to have one last day to make the most of it and I think they probably leave the world as a useless person.

    chak: You writing tagline for a new MMORPG ah? hehehe.

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    That’s remind me of people who jump down the MRT track. These people do it for their last resort but actually why they choose this location is to convey that society has become too overwhelming for lot of people who no longer able to fit into the society.

    It take a lot of courage to even commit suicide, no matter how useless a person is. And ironically, those nick of moment is perhaps the greatest courage they exhibit in their life. Only when they about to die did they realize that they have courage to change their fate all along.

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    Actually, most people will tell you that suiciders are all cowards. They kill themselves because they’re too weak to face whatever rubbish they have in their lives.

    But I agree with you. I think suicide is not an easy thing to do and those who actually take the plunge are quite brave.

    But I wouldn’t call suicide “changing fate”. It’s more like deleting fate altogether. No life = no fate. :P

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    Indeed, if they have the courage to die, they should have also the courage to change their life. Ironically, many who fail in suicide, realize that they are reborned and have courage to face the world again as different person. Meet few of them and am glad that they treated life differently. For those who survive suicide said when one dying, a flash of past event flash through their mark and members of dead come visiting them. Scary ? Better don’t try la !

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    I’m really very curious to know what the flash of the past feels like. Haha. I can’t imagine how a whole life can flash past in one instant!

  20. Avatar

    I’ve lost a few friends and family over the year so I can tell you with confidence that the pain of loss comes in many forms. The ones closest to you are the hardest to deal with loosing.

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