I was thinking about how I’ve made regrettable choices in life. How I’ve had to go through hard knocks before I learned to be sensible. How it’s always too late when you realise you should have done things differently.
I see life as a giant maze with endless pitfalls and traps, which we have to navigate in order to survive long enough to find the exit. Many times, we can’t avoid the traps because there are too many and they materialise on you so suddenly you don’t even have time to react to them.
Inevitably, you break a leg when you fail to avoid a trap. And then you have to shuffle through the maze with a broken leg. Next thing you know, you fall into a pit and break your arm. Now you have a broken leg and a broken arm but you still have to go on and find the exit.
The more you remain in the maze, the more pain you collect. Your spirit and body get old and tired but you still have to struggle on. When you finally find the exit, it’s time to say goodbye And then, that’s it. The end.
Why would anyone want to propagate such an existence?
Why would you want to have children… knowing that your children will make the same mistakes you made when you were young (or even the mistakes you’re making now), knowing that you can’t talk them out of making those mistakes because you remember yourself defiantly making those mistakes despite your parents’ warnings, lectures, pleadings?
Why would you want to have children… knowing that your children will suffer, especially if you live in an oppressive society like Singapore?
Why would you want to have children… knowing that your children will go through a lot of pain and sadness throughout life? You might argue that there is also happiness. But if the child never existed, the child won’t miss it, so the point is moot. Isn’t it more important that your child should never have to suffer pain?
Why would you want to have children… knowing that it’s possible your child could become a rapist, a murderer, a child molester, a robber, and go through life doing harm and bringing more evil to the world?
Why would you want to have children… knowing that the world is full of evil you have no control over? Would you dump your child in a river full of crocodiles?
Sure, I’ve had my fair share of happiness. Times when I feel my heart would burst from joy. But I would glady, without hesitation, instantly, give up all that to not also feel pain.
A moment of happiness is not worth two moments of pain.
And it’s true. Life has more pain than happiness. Honestly take stock of your life. In an average day, how many hours do you spend being blissfully happy? How many hours do you spend being angry, sad, annoyed, frustrated, irritated, disappointed?
Again, one moment of happiness is not worth two moments of pain. At first, I was not sure whether I should take Ultram after reading about the side effects. But I could get it on https://jeffreylichtman.com/ultram-online/ for half the price so I decided to. I started slowly: 1-week quarter tablets- then a week and a half and now I’ll take a half tomorrow and a half in the evening. I’m great at it, awesome!
Giving birth to children is like playing God. Who are you to decide that you can inflict all these bad things upon an innocent being? A child has no choice at all whether or not to be born.
Pro-family ads make me sick because they don’t show you the ugliness. They only show you the pretty side. It makes people procreate before they’re fully ready to assume the responsiblity, before they’ve even considered the full, actual meaning of having children. It makes people procreate out of a sense of duty rather than out of meaningful desire to have children.
It makes me nauseous.
I know parenthood makes many parents happy. But is your baby happy? Will your babies still be happy after they grow up? Have you considered that maybe your child doesn’t want to be born?
I don’t want to offend parents or people who are happy with their lives and are happy to be born. What I’ve written here is totally my own philosophy and I admit there are always two sides to a coin. I am not all right.
If you disagree with me, more power to you. Just also remember to look at the other side of the coin, once in a while.
(And please don’t ask me what happened. Nothing happened. I’m still happy as a lark (or trying to find happiness). Just sharing my opinion on procreation. =D)
44 thoughts on “Why would you want to have children?”
Agree with you wholeheartedly.
I am one of those who have decided not to have children. ‘ve been married for 10 years, and both my wife and I have made a conscious decision not to have even one, because basically we don’t want to bring a new life into this world to experience what you have shared.
I even blogged about it some time back. :)
Why I don’t have Children: http://sicarii.wordpress.com/2007/06/06/why-i-dont-have-kids/
Hey Sicarii, I just read your blog (thanks for posting the link!) and although it’s politically incorrect to admit it, I must say I am so very glad to read opinions that mirror mine so much! You don’t know how frustrated I’ve gotten, trying to make people understand where I’m coming from with my anti-children sentiments. At least now I know I’m not alone. Haha.
If you meet some of my friends, you’ll then belong to the politically-correct club.
Those who have children are actually in the politically-incorrect club! Such cruel people to make new lives suffer, lol!
Coolness. I would love to be in the politically correct club. lol.
I’m tempted to counter every negative point you’ve made but then…in truth, i have to agree with much of what you’ve said. So instead, i’d like to share with you something i’ve experienced being a father:
Being a typical Asian guy, i’m not one who knows how to express inner emotions freely…hardly anything makes me cry ( except excruciating pain )
But till date, i’ve found my tear ducts overflowing when i had least expected.
#1- The first time i sang a lullaby to my infant daughter, watching her tiny form just lying there. I cried.
#2- Listening to a “MISS SAIGON” song about the “Bui Do – dust of life” – orphans of American-Vietnamese parentage. I’ve heard this song many times before, but somehow, within a year after my daughter was born and i was listening to it, i cried.
#3- Watching “The Patriot”. A scene before the final battle when Mel’s youngest child, a girl roughly the age of my daughter at the time i was watching the movie on DVD, calls out to the father she never knew….i cried.
#4 – Early this year, watching “Dance of the Firefly”, an old Japanese anime on DVD. How a little girl gradually succumbs to malnutrition during WW2. Throughout the 2nd half of the story, and espeically towards the end, i cried…and cried..and cried. My wife was crying too…i had to leave the room several times so she doesn’t see me….
I can’t explain nor re-create what i feel when i feel it… but what i do know is this:
it is a feeling that i could never feel if i weren’t a father
Contrary to popular notions, it is actually mostly the husband in any marriage that wants to have a child, not the wife.
After all, which modern woman nowadays would willingly want to lose her figure and suffer 9 months of hardship?
It’s also very important to work this aspect out with your future mate before tying the knot, it is as important, if not more important, than having the same mind-set on issues such as finances and life goals. All are inexplicably related.
Fish: I think fatherhood has been good for you particularly so I congratulate you for that. :P I hope your daughter grows up sane and happy! ;)
Sicarii: Yeah, the world is changing. I think it used to be the woman who wanted children. Now it’s the other way round. lol.
Everyone has their views on something and though your views on procreation are different from mine, I respect that (though I usually tell folks that children are only the by-products of procreation. Hehe…)
Thing about regrettable choices is… I don’t regret, or I try my best not to. Sure that are times in life when I thought it could have turned out differently should I have followed a different path. But should I have followed that other path, I might not have experienced some of the happiness, some of that blessings that I have today. I wouldn’t say count your blessings (so so cliched, anyway) but I believe in chain of events. And perhaps, my current happiness/contentment level is pretty high. And should I had chosen differently previously, it might have led to a much different (and probably worse off) life.
Anyway, I’ll have kids on your behalf! Wife wants a soccer team! Hahaha…
Quite an arresting image you’ve painted there: Moving through the maze of life with a broken arm and leg, while maneouvering across various traps and pitfalls. Sounds almost like the Prince of Persia computer game I used to play, except your version is harder and the ending more dismal (no hot princess)
A lot of what you said about the horrors of modern life do resonate with me. As you have pointed out, the decision to bear children is quite a different enterprise from say, following your dream to be an actress, since the consequences arising from the former are borne by the innocent.
But then, maybe we shouldn’t give ourselves too much credit for what happens in our children’s lives. Just as we should not try to claim credit for our children’s successes in life, maybe we don’t have to kill ourselves over their failures either. I think that humans still reproduce because our genes literally demand it – everything else is just our application of a social/ normative value to bringing kids into the world – eg. makes us better pple, teaches us unconditional love, makes us cry like Fish at (overall)lame movies like the Patriot
Having observed some of my friends and relatives convert from being anti-kids to becoming parents (they are never too keen to tell me why), my best guess is just that the siren call of our genes outweighed whatever reasons they had initially held against it. Is it selfish? Absolutely. But you can’t stop the gene train baby.
me sits at the corner and listen to the “conversation” .. dare not participate .. topic too “heavy” :)
anyway QY .. take care ok?
well. for me, i want to have children not because i’m particularly fond of kids or because i want to give it a shot at parenthood, but because it would be the product of me and my husband’s love. if love can be symbolized in material form, it would be in the form of a baby.
and, for more selfish reasons, i want someone to be there for both of us when we grow old.
You seem to blame your parents for bringing you to this world. I think your parents will be very sad and hurt if they know this is how you feel. It is not easy bringing up kids in whichever era. It is through the sheer love of parents for their kids that they endured the hardships which they brought up their children.
I’m happy that I’ve been brought to this world. I’m happy that I’m able to love, I’m able to feel happiness, sadness and the whole gamut of emotions that make me human.
I’m especially glad that I’ve met and married my wife.
I live life. I don’t let life live me.
and, for more selfish reasons, i want someone to be there for both of us when we grow old.
Nanny Wen, you are setting yourself up with some very dangerous expectations.
Why would anyone want to have children?
And to think that just a few years ago I thought the same as you… Now I’m a Dad and incredibly happy. There’s no point in countering your arguments (except to point out that there are FAR worse places to bring up children other than Singapore) you won’t believe me…
I am just so amazingly happy being a parent – all the worrying (and I do lots of that) and the rest of the pain etc is just drowned out by the joy of seeing my son’s first… well, first everything… The world can be painful, but it can also be joyful too, and sharing that with my son is what being human is all about. I wouldn’t change what I have for anything.
Try it when you are ready, and remember that if your parents thought the same way then you wouldn’t be here to blog about it…
eh this got nothing to do with your GC hor?
Hobbes: just during that small bit between father and daughter…i was unmoved when Mel’s grown-up son got whacked earlier in the movie
QY: why should it be that fatherhood is good for me in particular? why not everybody else…mothers included? there’s so much uncertainty in life, same goes for having kids. A subtle change happened to me that i wasn’t even conscienseously aware of. What i AM aware of is, it makes me i wanna BE a better man.
I guess there’s many diff viewpts to parenthood.
Some think of it as the wonders of life, and how wonderful it is to create life. Whereas some are pro-life and believe they just happen for some reason.
Others like urself, are more skeptical about it and would rather not bring a life into this world and let it go thru the same pain as u..(that’s what some folks quote for abortion).
I guess it’s a matter of how u decide to look at things.
I prefer to look at it as a matter of equivalent trade. U gain some while u lose some.
U gain the precious foresight of thinking thru things and considering if it’ll affect ur family before doing anything, whereas u lose more freedom in terms of finance and personal time.
There’s afterall no 1-fit-all solution for all.
Even Dulrex have “Extra Strength”, “Featherlite” and “Strawberry” to suit different people. =P
Alvin: I agree that, sometimes, what you think is a bad choice could actually lead to a better conclusion. It’s one of the mysteries of life. We’ll never find out whether a choice was right or not.
But there are some things which are undoubtedly regretful. For example, not taking care of my health in the past. I imagine telling my 10-year-old daughter (if I ever have one), “Eat your veges now or you’ll regret it when you’re old,” and of course, she won’t listen. And I KNOW she WILL regret it one day, but what can I do about it now short of force feeding her?
Hobbes: Interesting observation. I like how you presented an alternative point of view without attacking my point of view. Very diplomatic. :)
I agree with the gene thing. It’s just that it’s in my nature to question nature, if you get my drift. I like asking questions and finding out why things are the way things are, and why must things remain status quo?
I don’t think parents should take credit for their children’s failures or successes. But parents are ultimately responsible for a child’s existence, aren’t they?
SC: Heh, no worries. Thanks for your concern! :)
Wen: Yah, that’s my problem with human nature. People have kids for purely selfish reasons. Not that that’s a bad thing, since it’s an instinctual response to propagate the human race, but it’s still selfish, lol.
Cobalt Paladin: I congratulate you for your happy life. And I do appreciate my parents’ love and the hardship they went through to bring me up. But I might also argue that it is every parent’s choice to have children, to go through that hardship.
People certainly don’t go, “Oh, I’m going to have a baby so that I can go through all kinds of hardship for my baby.” People have babies for other reasons. Just because having a baby means sacrifices and hardship doesn’t mean that parents are noble. It just means they want to have a baby for selfish reasons but they are willing to sacrifice part of themselves for it, which is cool.
(I’m discussing this very objectively, ok, and not talking about my parents. I think my parents are absolutely noble and I love them more than anything in the world.)
So, I think there’s a difference between my argument and your argument. We’re not really discussing the same thing, I think.
Justyn: Don’t make me say more unfilial things lah. :P It’s true I wouldn’t be here blogging if my parents never made me. But it’s also true that I won’t miss it if I never existed. And I won’t mind not having been born. But, of course, since I’m already born, I do appreciate whatever I have in life.
My main concern is that I don’t want to have children to fulfill me. Yes, I know a baby will make me extremely happy (or so all my parent friends tell me), but that is not right in my books. I don’t want to have a baby to please myself. I only want to have a baby if I can ensure that my child would be happy and pain-free and not suffer any evil in life.
Ruok: Alamak… stop with the GC already, lol. No, it has nothing to do with it. Actually, this blog topic came about because today, while I was waiting for an MRT, I suddenly noticed that I was sitting with my back straight while other people around me were slouching, which made me think how people are always amazed that I have good sitting posture (when there is no back rest). Which made me wonder why I am like that. Anyway, after a long train of thought arising from that, this blog was born. lol.
Fish: I never said fatherhood is no good for other fathers. Just because I say a certain shirt looks particularly good on you, doesn’t mean I’m also saying that the shirt won’t look good on other people, right? :P
But, seriously, children don’t always make fathers better men. I mean, how do you explain fathers who rape their daughters?
cow: Yeah, it’s all a matter of perspective. And, yup, people are entitled to their opnions on whether to have kids or not. But I don’t really care about parent-wannabes… I fear more for the kids. What kind of world will they inherit?
I guess i should just accept a compliment when i get it then? :P
I’d rather tear off their dicks and puncture their balls than explain it. But there’s a good point there…nobody bothers about the good parents or good anything…cos all we read or hear about are the BAD…we live in such a world that all the negativity gets played-up…to the extent that we start believing goodness doesn’t exist. Shit really sells dun it?…but as with the donuts, don’t believe the hype.
Ok…. This is my opinion….. Such topics only bring flame wars and offensive statements. lol!! but I simply love it!! Just speaking my mind… those who are offended, can choose not to read. :P
1) People who do not want children are selfish bastards. They can create all sorts of reasons to justify their selfishness, such as bringing life to suffer in this world. If the world is that bad…. why aren’t this ppl dead yet? Suicide is a good escape if you feel the world is a bad place to bring up your kids. Go farking die, you won’t be missed! They only care about is their freedom without kids to tie em down. You think they really care for the child’s future and well-being? Liars! I feel sorry for their parents… They should have just be squished, when they were just a fetus, cause their life ain’t worth shit.
2) People who have many children because of Govt grants are criminals. This is no different from human trafficking. Importing gals from vietnam, cambodia, thailand, indonesia and china to be prostitutes is much more lucrative and the weight of the sin is the same. And you dun get short-changed by the govt. Basically, the most stupid of the lot.
3) People who have many kids due to religion forbidding them to use the rubber, are dumb farks. The bring life to this world, not because they want it or can afford it, but because some “great one” told them that they are not allowed to use the rubber. hahaha!! So much for having a mind of their own.. These are the sheeps…..
There’s more….. but I am tired. I shall go sleep. bye! :)
I may not be discussing directly about your entry but when I read it, the first thought that came to my mind was how would your parents feel if they know this is how you think.
“Why would you want to have children… knowing that the world is full of evil you have no control over? Would you dump your child in a river full of crocodiles?”
“Giving birth to children is like playing God. Who are you to decide that you can inflict all these bad things upon an innocent being? A child has no choice at all whether or not to be born.”
I mean, based on what you would have written, if your parents read them, they would have thought that you blamed them for bringing you to this world full of crocodiles and they have played God.
Remember, when you write about parents, inevitably, it would apply to your parents too.
I’m not arguing with you. I just didn’t want your parents to be saddened by what they read here and may have misunderstood how you really feel about them.
Not all parents bring their kids to this world for selfish reasons. There are many different reasons to why people have kids. Different people, different strokes. So it would be too generalising to say that people who have kids are selfish people.
I read your entry many times. It really depends on whether a person is a pessimist or an optimist. A half-filled glass can be seemed as half-full or half-empty depending on whom you talk to. To you, the world is a mess. To me, we have a chance to make the world a better place.
I think like you. That’s why I’m not having kids. Kids are huge responsibilities and are people just having kids to boast their egos? I’ve got a right to say that because I use to teach brats! Parents that will never admit that they need parenting class.
But on a serious note, I won’t have my own kids because I think having kids of my own is a selfish thing. I’d rather adopt knowing that there are many kids that want a loving family and WK and me can provide it. But people being selfish always tell me, have your own…But I want to adopt! We actually might be adopting in a year’s time.
Monster: You are my hero!! I support what you said…. But I am not great enough to do it. Dun think I can be bothered to spend time and money on someone else bloodline.
Fish: That’s the way society is, sadly, especially in the working world. When you do something good at work, you don’t get appreciated and recognised. The moment you do something bad, you get called into the boss’ office to “have a chat”. lol.
Goonfather: I totally agree with all your points. Except that I wouldn’t use some of the words you use. Haha.
Cobalt Paladin: Your point is valid and taken. I admit sometimes my words are blunt and can cause offense or hurt. I make no excuses for that. But I was hoping that people can see my words in an objective light. I think about life a lot and I have certain opinions which might be contrary to who I am. I like to discuss them, just to be able to look at things from different angles.
And you’re right about the pessimist-optimist thing. To be honest, I am both. I like looking at life from both views. The half-empty glass, and the half-full glass. :P
For the record, I don’t think people who have kids are selfish. Anyway, who isn’t selfish? I will be the first to admit I’m selfish. Like the Goonfather says, people who don’t have kids are selfish. That’s me. Hahahaha. All I’m saying is, when it comes to kids, people have them for selfish reasons, as much as people avoid having them also for selfish reasons.
lol… I think we’ve opened up yet another topic for discussion. Anyway, whether we are in agreement or not, I thank you for your opinions. ;)
Monster: Like the Goonfather, I think you’re a hero too! I support your decision and I think you’re a great person for doing that!
Monster and Goodfather,
Be very prepared……You guys might be godparents in a year or so….We’re thinking of applying to adopt in HK. Applications will take about a year to process. WK wants a boy…maybe then next one we get a girl….
Maybe your entry is actually discussing the purpose of “Life”? ;)
lol. I agree with Goonfather’s all 3 points! Luckily my wife likes broods not for the grants (what grants are there over here in SG anyway? Heh).
I come from a huge family. My parents EACH has 11-13 siblings. Meaning 22-26 if you include spouses. Throw in a average of 2 cousins per couple and that’s like a number that can reach 50. Throw in the fact that my great-grandmother past away just a year or so back, and that I found out a good friend of mine is actually related (his dad and my dad are cousins), same discovery on my sister’s side about a friend of hers too. It’s huge.
And we have great fun every Christmas and CNY (well, maybe not for the parents on CNY. Hehe). When we gather, eat and make noise. I really like that.
Shey: As for stuff like not eating greens and affecting your health, well, sacrificing health and gaining the care and concern of a loved one is pretty good too ;) There are just some ‘perks’ waiting to be discovered.
How you make kids listen to you is actually a 3 year degree program I believe. But guess moms of our generation only know to repeat things like “Study hard or you’ll be road sweeper then you tzai si.” I’ve seen my sister-in-law (who incidentally holds an Early Childhoon Education degree) teach her son in rather creative ways ;)
It seems like this topic turns out to be good healthy discussion material.
Hmm… Did my recent procreation stint prompt this insight of yours?? :p
Wah so many comments.
I think it all depends on individual’s point of view and how life is to them. Using ur example, I finding being trapped in the maze and trying to find the exit is fun and purposeful by itself. It drives me to exceed myself, and experience more sensations than I had originally thought existed. Like you want to shit, but you got constipation and its damn hard inside you. You strained and strained for hours. Real painful. But when its finally released into the world, wah piang…that shiokness! That makes me look back on my past hours with both aches and fond memories. I’m glad I chose to shit.
The breaking of arm and leg is actually part of the fun too! If that sounds sadistic…well, you can compare it to ppl who like to play sports (yes, its not another shit example) Easily get injuries even with preparation and warmup, but there’re still sports lovers (and of cos haters). Alot of us probably wish that we want all the benefits and feel-good residue without the pain. But we know its not possible. Most good things are treasured, precisely because they come with a price.
As to why give the child a possibility to experience the pain in life…. I say just heckcare that. I mean my parents never took that into consideration, and I grew up loving life with its sweet-sour taste. There are probably alot of parents who give tons of thought and consideration before giving birth to a baby…and that child may end up hating life and its challenges instead.
Hmm….so far my comments like abit messy hahaha. Bah, its late!
Anyway, the point i wanted to make is just this – what/how the child feels about life and get treaetd by it will be his own business. It would be good to give him the power to make choices vs making all the choices for him.
Of cos, that is only good if it doesn’t run against how you want to live your own life.
2 words: Accidents happen.
Sorry, what i mean by the above is, if you see life as a maze and you dont know what’s going to happen next, and like you said, you try navigate it the best you can, having kids is just one of the events that you meet in the maze. Some people might plan for the event to happen, for others, accidents happen. I
ts that element of chance that negates the mediocrity of necessity.
No pro, no con, no good, no bad, just do your best to handle the event. The same thing will happen to the next generation, may it be a choice or not.
i can’t see you as a parent now. you look like a big kid yourself. when the time comes you might be. everyone’s thoughts change just like how you changed from wanting to not wanting so in future it might change back to wanting.
Survival of the species. None of us would be here, no achievements would have been accomplished, if our ancestors had ignored the call to continue the species.
It’s a basic, natural urge that has seen homo sapiens flourish from cave-dwelling hunter-gatherers to builders of the Pyramids, harnessers of electricity, developers of philosophy, discoverers of fission/fusion, travelers to the moon, creators of the Internet and… colonisers of a new planet? Breakers of the lightspeed barrier?
One can only hope one’s contribution to society, and the passing down of one’s genes, will benefit mankind as a whole, and elevate our status, however minutely, as an enlightened species.
Then again, maybe I watch too much Star Trek…
Monster: Wow, that soon? Ok, being a godmother isn’t as hard as being a real mother… I think I can handle that. :P
Cobalt Paladin: That’s possible. :) Well, when I wrote this piece, I realised that there were many tangents I could go off on. I guess I decided to focus on what my title says because it’s a question I always always ask myself.
Alvin: Haha… actually, one of my pet peeves is people who don’t take care of their health despite their loved ones repeatedly begging them to. If someone I love smokes and then gets lung cancer, I’m not going to be sympathetic, no matter how much I love him or her, because honestly, he/she asked for it.
Shell: No lah, this is totally random. :P Read my reply to Ruok above. I explained how I got to thinking about this topic.
Mother: I know what you’re trying to say. In some ways, I agree with what you said. Like I mentioned before, I like looking at things from different sides. Just because I wrote my piece from the pessimistic viewpoint, doesn’t mean I can’t acknowledge that the optimistic viewpoint has merits. So, good job. I’m happy to hear you love the challenges you face in life. :P
Chong: Haha… yeah that’s a valid point also. But I think there are more planned pregnancies than accidents overall.
darkelfin: You’re totally right. I can’t see myself as a parent, too. I think I’d make a really bad one and my kid will end up worse than me. :P
Mince Pye: I suppose that’s a way to think about things. Hope that your child could be the next Einstein or Bill Gates or someone influential who can change the world?
I think Mince Meat played too much computer games like Civilization, Master of Orion, Settlers, Populous……..
Yup! Been thinking about it…Might get a kid by this time next yr or the following Christmas.
Hey, although I am a mum of 2, I do see where you are coming from. But I am not as pessimistic.. Sure, there are bastards and asshats in this world, we very quickly learnt how to deal with those haven’t we? Also, despite having been thru some setbacks and sadness in my life, I still wouldn’t end it for anything. I choose to see the blessings and ride out the pain.
If possible, I would like to have two more kids if circumstances allow. Heh.
Monster: That’s great! I hope everything goes smoothly for you? Have heard that the adoption process can be quite tedious.
Rachel: Haha, two more? You superwoman, you! I already can’t imagine how you manage to do so well with a great career and two kids to boot! Ok, I suppose many women these days do. I take my hat off to you and others like you. ;)
uglyfatchick: Life is complicated.
Well, I never played Populous… but I loved the MOO series, even kinda liked MOO3.
Anyway, you’re one to talk, you’ve played more Civ than me… I only played up to Civ 3, whereas the Goonfather has been exploding his Goon nation culture bombs in Civ 4 right?
All this coming from someone hasn’t even lived 1/3 of their life yet.
As the Fray song goes:
“When you’re older, you’ll understand”
I’d say, you haven’t seen the other side of the coin yet, but when you do you will feel very differently.
Hi, i do understand what you are saying. All too often, i have often considered the vanity of life and its purpose for everyone. Everyone faces their own share of knocks and bumps in life. The day when i grow up is that i finally realise when i cannot change his circumstances or my past, the only thing i can do is that i can change my mindset. Its true, the purpose of life is somehow just to learn how to get up again after a fall, basically to overcome difficulties. And somehow, bearing a kid, seriously, though a natural order of human life, is primarily just to gratify the own desires of the parent. Realise that when parents talk about their new-born babies, its always how they feel, how they finally feel they are alive, their lives have a purpose finally and blah blah blah, its just all about themselves.
Ask ourselves this question, do our parents really understand us or do we really understand our parents? When we reach a certain age, they just take a supporting role at the back and we are left to ourselves to survive in the “maze”..
I love kids, and i guess its because of too much love, that we will actually consider so much, and want to shield others from this pain that one is bound to go through on earth