Nanny Wen has been eyeing my fingernails for about a year now.

She’s been wanting a guinea pig to experiment cutesy manicures on but I’ve always declined because I hate doing my nails or having them done, preferring normally to just have clear gloss on them.

Because Nanny Wen can never grow her nails long enough and because mine are always long due to laziness in trimming, they are a prime target for her manicurist dreams.

I don’t know why I finally relented but, on Sunday, I allowed her to come over to abuse my nails.

Nanny Wen was very professional.

(not)

First of all, I had to clean off the existing fading polish myself.

She didn’t trim, file, buff, moisturise or whatever else manicurists do to nails. She just started her paint work right away.

Her paint arsenal didn’t include a base coat, either — I had to provide that.

And then, I had to make two trips to my stationary drawer to get her scotch tape and scissors.

Several nails had to be redone and redone because the paint kept clumping, and several clumpy jobs were not redone because she got lazy.

She also got tired after pasting tiny cutesy hearts on my left fingernails and didn’t want to do the right hand until I made a face at her.

After a long time and a lot of grumbling and making faces at each other, my ten nails finally got done!

I’m showing only the left hand because she’d gotten lazy by the time she started on the right hand, so it looks very slipshod. (Nanny Wen vehemently denies this but Elyxia was a witness and agrees with me.)

I have to say that my new manicure is really weird ass and makes me feel like a bimbo but I like it. Partially because it was done with lots of love by cutie Nanny Wen (despite the grumblings and laziness) and partially because it’s just… different, and I like different.

My favourite is the ring finger nail. It’s quite pretty, isn’t it?

I showed my new nails to the Goonfather and asked him chirpily, “My nails nice????? :)”

Looking at them for a second, he blinked and said, “Why are your nails bleeding?”

Today, while having lunch with Elyxia and the Goonfather, he added the comment, “Wen should have pasted five stars and a moon on it to make it a Singapore flag.”

So typical Goonfather.

Anyway, Nanny Wen is already planning her next assault on my nails. I guess I don’t regret allowing her to do it cos it’s kind of interesting to see what kind of weird shit she can come up with next.