Thank you all for your well wishes and encouragement.
It’s always good to know that I don’t have any enemies who laugh at my misfortunes. Or maybe I do, just that they’re not vocal enough to notify me of their hatred towards me.
Well, contrary to popular opinion, actually, I’m not really depressed. I’m mostly just feeling numb. Abstract ideas floating around in my head, here then gone, intermittently distracting me from reality.
But not distracting enough to stop me from enjoying a chocolate bar.
I am getting a sugar-overdose fix now. Can of Pepsi Twist and bar of Cadbury Twirl.
Life is good when you’re caught up in a moment of pure hedonism.
I need more chocolate, though.
Just got home from two auditions and going through denial (again).
Noooooo….! I didn’t do that at the audition. That wasn’t me. OMG Noooooo… delete DELETE!!!
Have I ever mentioned that auditions are evil?
I bet I have.
Some auditions are fun. I like the acting part, the part where we have to act out a scene. What I hate are the profile shoots and the self-intros.
Look into the camera. Smile. Good. Now, turn right. Okay. And now left. Good. Turn back to the camera and give a big smile. That’s it. Great!
This makes me feel like a criminal or a camera-shy geek. I do not feel glamorous or sexy or pretty or charming or anything positive during this exercise.
Hi! My name is Qiaoyun and I’m an actress. You may have seen me on TV recently… blah blah.
Now, I really, really, REALLY hate this. If I’m not wrong, the purpose of self-intros (talking into the camera) is to show the client how well-spoken you are and how you carry yourself and, probably, how natural and photogenic you are on screen.
Still. I hate it.
I feel stupid talking about myself. Who really wants to hear me talk about my life, my experience, my hobbies, my skills or whatever else there is to talk about?
If I can’t sell tickets to a performance entitled “Shen Qiaoyun — The Self-Intro”, then I can safely assume that the client is not going to be entertained by my little speech. That makes me feel apologetic when I’m doing the self-intro, which in turn totally dissolves any charisma I might have.
I would be a very very happy person if I never have to do mug shots and self intros again, and still get acting/modelling job offers. I think only superstars enjoy that privilege. Superstars are exempt from such indignities.
So I guess I’ll have to work on becoming a superstar.
I need help.
Two posts are now open for application.
1. Big shot who can make me a superstar (1 vacancy)
2. Adoring fan (limitless vacancies)
Please apply here. Kthxbye.