Why auditions are evil

Thank you all for your well wishes and encouragement.

It’s always good to know that I don’t have any enemies who laugh at my misfortunes. Or maybe I do, just that they’re not vocal enough to notify me of their hatred towards me.

Well, contrary to popular opinion, actually, I’m not really depressed. I’m mostly just feeling numb. Abstract ideas floating around in my head, here then gone, intermittently distracting me from reality.

But not distracting enough to stop me from enjoying a chocolate bar.

I am getting a sugar-overdose fix now. Can of Pepsi Twist and bar of Cadbury Twirl.

Life is good when you’re caught up in a moment of pure hedonism.

I need more chocolate, though.

Just got home from two auditions and going through denial (again).

Noooooo….! I didn’t do that at the audition. That wasn’t me. OMG Noooooo… delete DELETE!!!

Have I ever mentioned that auditions are evil?

I bet I have.

Some auditions are fun. I like the acting part, the part where we have to act out a scene. What I hate are the profile shoots and the self-intros.

Profile shoot:

Look into the camera. Smile. Good. Now, turn right. Okay. And now left. Good. Turn back to the camera and give a big smile. That’s it. Great!

This makes me feel like a criminal or a camera-shy geek. I do not feel glamorous or sexy or pretty or charming or anything positive during this exercise.


Hi! My name is Qiaoyun and I’m an actress. You may have seen me on TV recently… blah blah.

Now, I really, really, REALLY hate this. If I’m not wrong, the purpose of self-intros (talking into the camera) is to show the client how well-spoken you are and how you carry yourself and, probably, how natural and photogenic you are on screen.

Still. I hate it.

I feel stupid talking about myself. Who really wants to hear me talk about my life, my experience, my hobbies, my skills or whatever else there is to talk about?

If I can’t sell tickets to a performance entitled “Shen Qiaoyun — The Self-Intro”, then I can safely assume that the client is not going to be entertained by my little speech. That makes me feel apologetic when I’m doing the self-intro, which in turn totally dissolves any charisma I might have.

I would be a very very happy person if I never have to do mug shots and self intros again, and still get acting/modelling job offers. I think only superstars enjoy that privilege. Superstars are exempt from such indignities.

So I guess I’ll have to work on becoming a superstar.

I need help.

Two posts are now open for application.

1. Big shot who can make me a superstar (1 vacancy)
2. Adoring fan (limitless vacancies)

Please apply here. Kthxbye.

11 thoughts on “Why auditions are evil

  1. Avatar


    I love to hear you talking abt yourself, your life, your experience, your skills, your hobbies.

    We only meet up like once a week.. so hearing updates abt you thru ur blog makes me still keep in touch on the happening going on in your life, which is extremely good! Keep it up dear!!

    U know me and min are always ur No. 1 fan. So add oil! We always have faith in you sexy hot babe!!! ^_^

  2. Avatar

    From the pages of Dale Carnegie,

    1. You love yourself. You know you do. You have topics that you feel passionately about. Yes, you. You don’t think so? Just wait for someone to crash the back of your car, or knock you to the ground. All the host of heaven will not be able to hold you back from giving the person a piece of your mind. Remember that passion.

    2. Because you’re so passionate about those topics, you will know everything there is to know about them. If not, you’ll probably know more than anyone else alive. After all, who knows you better than you? What’s the 3 most important things anyone should know about?

    3. Because you’re passionate and knowledgable about those topics, you will be confident. Take a deep breath, and let that confidence show through. There’s no need to be shy about showing how much you know. Look them straight in the eye. Flash them that sweet lovely smile.

    The folks that look at the tape will be absolutely enraptured. They will listen to what you have to say, and it will be communicating to their souls and hearts, not just their eyes and ears.

    Plus, you’re even moderately cute. ;)

  3. Avatar

    yes yes auditions are evil! i agree with you. I dun like the self-intro part. Sometimes i dunno what to say or if i’ve said too much. =X

  4. Avatar

    hahaha i never go to auditions, i never take profile pix or self-intros i just got drag in shoot…. like “super stars”!!!! hah hah hah~ … only that for mi im dragged in front of the camera to act the body parts or stand-in!!!!!! so you are ways super stars comparing to me! lolz im just kidding.

    then again the day would come when you reach the status and you would be too busy to even blog. so hang in there. :-)

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    Hiya sista, just dropped a Hi. Happen to see you starring in an ad on some uber mop n u were damn cute n breathless it seems! See ya n take care *hugs*

  6. Avatar

    Saw your Kao advert… No you don’t look like an auntie… Don’t be paranoid… The script is quite funny though. =)

  7. Avatar

    darkelfin tokking bout urself ?

    wonder wat’s the chances of spore actress making it big !???

    till now only knew 1 out of the all…

    anyway, if i’m the big shot, think i’ll rather shoot Jap/Korean stars…

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