Auditions are cruel and evil

The shitty thing about auditions is that you always fail the ones you really want to pass, and you pass the ones you don’t really care about failing.

At least that’s what happens to me.

Some time ago, I went to four auditions in three days. My confidence was high and I thought I might even get all of them. I really wanted to get at least two of them. I thought I performed well, I looked the part, and there was no reason for them not to choose me.

But within the very same week, three of them contacted me and told me that I wasn’t chosen. Another one called to say the project was cancelled so no one was chosen.

That was a really sucky week.

Usually, “failures” are not notified. Only the selected one is notified. Which is good because I’m allowed to be optimistic and hope for the best until, one day, I just naturally forget about it. That way, the pain of failure is manageable.

I don’t know what’s up with that week, why all of them simultaneously thought that I needed to be informed of my failure right away.

It’s awful to get a call or e-mail telling you that you weren’t selected. It’s like a slap in the face. All your hopes are dashed instantly, leaving an emptiness inside you that you’re not quite sure how to fill. I guess it’s kind of like when you get dumped — you lose your appetite, you go into a daze and you don’t really want to do anything other than sit in a corner and stare because you don’t know what else you can do.

It’s more awful when the same thing happens one after another within a short time.

I prefer no news to bad news. Other people might think different, but that’s them.

And then, there are times when I go for auditions, not really wanting to get the job because I think the role isn’t really me or I don’t like the role, or some other reason. (I go for these auditions anyway because I still need to feed myself and can’t afford to be selective of jobs.)

And then those jobs I get.

There are also auditions I think I performed really badly at. I want the audition tapes to be destroyed forever because I was horrible.

Those jobs I get.

There was this audition I almost didn’t attend because, when I read the casting script, I felt I couldn’t get a good handle on the character, so I didn’t think I could do it well enough to get selected. And I didn’t feel like wasting my time going after a lost cause.

But I went anyway because they had already scheduled a slot for me and it’s really bad form not to turn up when people expect you to turn up.

I did try my best to learn the lines and come up with the best performance I could, but I still thought I sucked, especially during the improv segment, which you can’t prepare for.

Well, I was seriously puzzled when I received the call telling me I got the job. After that, the director told me I was really impressive at the audition and I was able to give him all the interpretations he wanted.

It’s really weird but, as much as praise is a wonderful thing, it’s a hard pill to swallow when you believe that you don’t deserve it.

Life is stupid, nein?

I’m always trying to explain to people what the audition routine is like.

Think about your day job. Think about the interview you had to go through to get the job.

Now, imagine that, after the interview, you get the job, but you can only work for three days. After that, if you want to work some more, you have to watch out for more interview opportunities to try again.

Also, factor in the time and transport costs for every interview you attend.

A prolific Hollywood player said that an 80% fail rate is the norm. That means that, on average, you’ll have to attend 10 interviews to get two jobs.

If you’re lucky, a successful interview will nab you a bigger job which will allow you to work a week or more, or even a few months. Most of the time, each successful interview earns you only a day or two of work.

Sometimes, you don’t work for months.

How would you like to live that way?

You may call me a glutton for punishment for choosing this path. Go ahead.

But I can’t choose differently because I prefer the joy of those precious few days of work to the blah comfort of job security.

The constant hurt of rejection is something I choose to put up with.

But it’s not a big deal in the long run because hurt can be healed and forgotten, while happy memories last forever.

7 thoughts on “Auditions are cruel and evil

  1. Avatar

    I’m sad to hear you got such a sucky week.

    But I am sure that all the hurt you are receiving now, is simply to balance the joy that will be served up to you real soon. :)

    You can do it! Life can suck….but so can we!

  2. Avatar

    i’m sorry to hear about the shite that’s happened. i hope that you’ll soon whip an audition for a role you desire…!

    about calling people who hadn’t gotten a role in an audition, well… i understand why they do it. I personally had to do it several times and believe me, it’s not enjoyable at all. (it’s probably not as bad as the doctors in hospitals who bear bad news to the kin of patients… but it feels like that.) I remembered the first few times i chose to skip ‘the process’, but had thick-skinned actors call me up asking if the audition results were out yet. It’s quite alot harder to tell them then and there that they didn’t get the role, because you’d also have to find an excuse for having not called them before…

    after that experience, i learned that calling up every person who had auditioned is/should be common protocol. i guess it just feels more fair that way.

    it’s just a sucky sucky sucky circumstance that you had to endure four of them in a role. it’s terrible.

    still, chins up! it can only get better from here… :)

  3. Avatar

    Mother: LOL. Well, I suppose it’s true that sorrow intensifies happiness. So it’s ok to be sad as long as the happy times eventually comes. Haha.

    David: Thanks for the encouragement! Actually, I do understand casting directors for calling and I salute them for their courage in taking the responsibility to deliver bad news. It’s just that I prefer not to be told, lol. And I am not so thick skinned as to call people up and dig for status updates because I know how terrible it is having to give bad news. Honestly, though, I don’t think CDs really owe it to actors to tell them if they failed, right? I mean, what if 1000 people attended an audition for just one role. You’d have one heck of a busy CD!

    Valencia: Thank you, dear! :)

  4. Avatar

    Hi Mystica!

    I hope you still go by that name :P To me you’ll always be known as Flamma Mystica to me since that’s how you were called when I got to know you by all my merciless killings online!

    I have since mended my ways and have adopted a cute little gnome rogue toon in the world of warcraft, rogue, as usual.

    I think your new name is pretty unique as I haven’t heard of many people going by the name Qiaoyun. Did you actually went to change it legally? Must be hard to just jump your old name after so many years.

    I hate being called Numbskull because I was actually using a nick that matched my skeleton char in Darkness Falls but somehow it is stuck to me!

    You probably wouldn’t remember me if I didn’t post as Numbskull.

    Needa take some tips from you on how to change names on the fly!

    Anyway, nice to know you are still live and kicking with a new name!

    **Maybe we can get Marcus to organize a Darkness Falls get together after so many donkey years. I’m too lazy.

  5. Avatar

    Numbskull: Numbie, hey numbie! =) No, I don’t go by Mystica anymore. Not since after DF. But I know what you mean. =P But mended your ways? Hmm… I really have to see that for myself! Haha. Yes, I got my name legally changed and it’s only hard in the sense that some people refuse to call me by my new name. LOL. Yeah, okay, we should meet up again. But how? I lost contact with almost everyone already. Haha.

    Wang Wang: Awww… that’s sweet. I, erm, look forward to it. *cough*

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