My boyfriend the defender of bugs

There is a spider in my bath tub. Brown, about an inch in diameter including the legs.

The moment of discovery happened when I was brushing my teeth and at the same time reaching across the bath tub to get my facial wash.

Shock. Adrenaline. Freeze response.

In my lesser past, I would have, after the cursory freeze, jumped, screamed, violently dropped my electric toothbrush on the spider and swallowed toothpaste, all under a second.

It was only two years of spider-desensitisation training in England that prevented this most inconvenient mishap.

Yes, there are a lot of spiders in England and I’ve had to learn to put a lid on the drama.

 

Mad girl alert!

 

Or maybe it’s only in Piers’ flat that there are a lot of spiders. I can’t say for sure. I think spiders love him because he is their knight in shining armor.

He rescues them from hyperventilating lunatics who hurl heavy toothbrushes at them. While at the same time pretending to be the gallant knight to the damsel in distress who is scared of bugs.

Men are skilled at taking accidental credit when one offers itself up. It’s in their DNA to ensure the survival of the alpha male ego.

But, seriously, I am convinced that Piers cares for bugs more than he does me, although he would never admit it. Look at this text exchange and tell me I’m wrong.

 

Casually chatting about spiders

 

Like any knight in shining armor worthy of the holy grail, Piers has his sword and shield to champion his bugs. Except his sword is a cup (not at all holy) and his shield is a torn piece of cardboard.

The bug cup used to be our rice measuring cup but I banned it from re-entering the rice bin after he used it to rescue a moth. So the cup found itself a new job in the bug chivalry industry.

The torn piece of cardboard used to convey instructions for cooking a dish of slow cooked beef and three bean chilli in a rich tomato and chipotle sauce with rice. I suppose it still does that job but no one appreciates it in that role anymore.

It now serves as a roof to shelter destitute bugs until they can be released to the safe outdoors where deadly flying toothbrushes do not occur with alarming frequency.

 

Piers' sword and shield

 

Perhaps the cup and the cardboard enjoy their new, very noble jobs. Perhaps, perhaps.

It’s good to give our household items a fulfilling sense of purpose.

 

Have no fear, Sir Piers is here

 

Piers, defender and saviour of bugs, I’m sure, is very fulfilled.

 

The bath tub spider says hi
The spider in the bath tub.

Stupid Goonfather!

I almost walked face-first into a daddy longlegs yesterday.

It was hanging at face height on the way to my door, like a booby trap.

Daddy Longlegs

Because it’s brownish-yellow and thin, and my room’s light is yellow, I couldn’t see it until I was almost kissing it.

Shocked, I jumped back but managed to hold in a shriek. I rushed to my computer and started typing to the Goonfather.

MSN

“There’s a daddy longlegs hanging by a thread in front of my shelf. Sad smiley” I said.

The reply came back: “Then you never wish it Happy Belated Father’s Day?”

“…”

A minute later, my MSN window opened again and there was the Goonfather raving:

“Ehhh… I know you gonna take a pic of the spider now, and then blog what I tell you, and call the post Stupid Goonfather!”

I smiled. “I already Plurk/Twitter about it!”

“Blah!”

LOL

[Fast forward 15 minutes…]

“Arrgh. The daddy longlegs was climbing down its thread as I was walking out of the room. I almost walked into it again!!”

“Ehh… why you never kill it??”

“I don’t like killing insects, except ants. Cos I can’t deal with the corpse.”

“Hmm… you need an undertaker.”

“My undertaker is at work now.”

Pregnant pause…

“TMD!!”

:D