Daily Journal – September 6

Daily Journal - September 6

 

Transcription

Emotional Eating

Nooooo! I realised that I’ve started emotional eating again! I did so well the last 2 months wrt eating healthy portions but it’s gone downhill a bit now. Because I’ve adamantly refused to give in to my sugar cravings and yet they persist, I have compromised by eating much bigger portions of my meals just to prolong the duration of eating. I feel so comforted while eating but once all the food is gone, I feel horrid and lost. What is this?! Begone, foul demon of wilful eating!!

Sad

I can’t really afford the time to make daily pages but it makes me sad to have to reduce them. So many things in life make me sad.

Gratitude

I’m grateful to have clean water to drink.

Mouldy Mushrooms

Had to throw away 12 portobello mushrooms (left over from the BBQ) because they were all mouldy because there wasn’t room in the fridge for them. Poor mushrooms. They didn’t get to fulfil their destiny.

 

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The senseless depression

I woke up this morning feeling depressed.

It’s one of those days when all the little things that niggle at your life suddenly rear up and scream for attention in unison.

It could be a tiny thing like that scratch on the corner of your mobile phone that’s been bugging you.

Or you didn’t like the way your hair looked when you woke up this morning.

By themselves, these trivial things don’t matter. Life goes on, so what?

But there are days when all these trivials decide to gang up and crowd your amygdala (the part of the brain that controls emotions) all at once, rendering you helpless and handicapped without reason.

You know you’re feeling depressed but you don’t really know why, so you search deep within yourself to ascertain the cause.

The answer comes back: “Cos you forgot to wash your favourite top last week so you can’t wear it today.”

And you’re, like, “What the hell?”

Why should anyone get depressed over that?

More answers come in:

“Cos you overslept by half an hour today.”

“Cos MRT commuters are so inconsiderate.”

And you’re, like, “Get out of here.”

You can’t comprehend the depression because the still sane part of you believes there is no reason to be depressed just because your room is a mess.

Yet, the soul has suddenly lost the ability to cope with trivials, the way an Aids victim has lost the ability to fight biological afflictions that are normally negligible.

When days like this happen, you want to curl up and die. But the annoyingly sane part of you says no, so you get out of the house and life goes on.

And then you spend $4.50, sit in a quiet cafe, and you blog.

And you blog about something entirely different from what you set out to blog about in the first place.

Damned brain.