Never take a man shopping

I’ve been thinking of getting back into running. My Nikes and Adidas fell apart a couple of years ago and I haven’t run since then.

I have been putting off getting new ones because there are so many other things I need to spend money on in England, such as warm clothing and… even warmer clothing.

But I am finally putting my feet down to have them fitted for a new pair of running shoes.

 

Now, Bournemouth (where I live now) is not a shopping paradise like Singapore is. You can’t just take a short MRT ride to Orchard Road and immediately have access to 500 sporting stores offering pretty much the same stuff but all the brands and models are represented within a 500m radius.

(That means if you don’t like the attitude in one store, you can walk 10 seconds to another store to get exactly the same thing.)

 

Adidas

 

You can even find trained consultants who professionally flirt with you and make you run on gait analysing thingies, then know exactly which pair of shoes you need to instantly improve your speed, stamina and intelligence by 300%.

 

In Bournemouth, on the other hand, you could choose to walk 10 minutes to a small sports supermarket (and I’m using the term “super” very loosely here) offering products that would make all the fashion policemen in the world vaporise from agony.

And there are two staff members in the whole place, one manning the cash register and the other bustling about pretending to be busy with stock or something.

Or you could drive an hour to a slightly bigger sports supermarket offering similary fashion-offensive products, and there are three staff members manning the cash registers or pretending to be busy.

 

I chose to go online.

 

And after a bit of looking around, this caught my eye:

 

Adidas

 

I am partial to Adidas shoes. I had a pair several years ago which were the lightest and most comfortable track shoes you’d ever wear. I almost felt like I was flying in them. Sadly, they didn’t last very long because I wore them almost every day, not just for running but for everyday use.

 

Old Adidas

 

So I’m hoping to find another pair that feels the same.

I was quite excited to find the pink and black Adidas because I love the colours and design and it’s really hard to find running shoes with nice designs. Most branded running shoes seem to me to be designed for aliens. Which makes them only marginally better than the ones in Bournemouth.

I quickly MSN’ed the link to Piers (who was at work).

 

I said, “I’m going to buy this!!!”

It took him just one second to reply, “Those trainers look ugly!”

“What?!” I said, “They don’t!”

“They do to me!”

I said, “You’re just saying that cos it’s £75!”

He said, “I am not!”

 

Then, he was silent for two seconds and came back with this:

“These ones look much nicer!”

 

Cheap running shoes

 

I said, “That’s £8!!!!!!!!!!”

“Oh! Are they?” he said, “Wow, that’s good value!”

“Yeah, right,” I told him. “Too bad, cos I need an Adidas.”

 

Then another three seconds and he sent me this:

“These look nice!”

 

Cheaper running shoes

 

I said, “Those are man shoes!!”

“And old!”

 

“Oh, yeah,” he said.

Not to be deterred, he took a few more seconds and came back with this:

“Nice!”

 

Cheapest running shoes

 

Indeed, it was time to change strategy.

“Thanks,” I said, to lull him into a sense of false security, “I love that.”

 

He doesn’t know that I have gone ahead to order the £75 Adidas. With his credit card! Mwahahaha.

I suppose he will find out when he receives the bill at the end of the month.

Or when he reads this post, which will presumably be sooner.

But that’s okay because I have suddenly and mysteriously turned into a good cook so I will distract him with some nice Chinese cooking.

 

He liked the wat tan mai fan and curry puffs I made in the last week, which is saying a lot because men’s taste buds are as good as their fashion senses are bad.

 

wat tan mai fan
Vermicelli in egg gravy

 

Curry puffs
Curry puffs

 

I don’t mean all men, of course. Just the ones who equate expensive with ugly and cheap with sublimely gorgeous.

 

Which is why I will never take a man shopping with me. The best strategy is to go online to buy anything and everything you want while the man is at work. It’s fast and convenient and when the packages arrive, you can feign ignorance. “Goodness me, where did that come from?”

Just remember not to send him any links.

Or if you must, send him eBay links of really cheap stuff to drive him into a permanent state of deep, deep security.

 

In other news, I am micro-blogging on Facebook more than updating this silly blog so I would respectfully suggest that you go to Facebook for quicker updates on my superfluous life.

Thanks!

Lust in my heart

Sponsored

I can’t remember the last time I truly lusted over something so bad that life is meaningless if I can’t have it. Not even the Wii. Sure, I wanted a Wii, but it was fine if I couldn’t have one. I still had EQ2.

But this…. THIS!

I am currently dying to own THIS:

It’s this sensor thing you put in special Nike shoes which sends data to your iPod nano while you run. Later, your iPod nano will tell you how far you’ve run and how many calories you’ve burnt and all sorts of cool stuff. OMG I’m dying here can?

Thanks to the big red Nike ad in my blog (which my itchy fingers had to go click on), I’m going to have sleepless nights dreaming about this thing I can’t afford. High tech Nike shoes AND an iPod nano.

I am supremely jealous of Daniel Ong and Carrie Chong because they’re endorsing this latest Nike campaign and I bet they get it all free.

Actually, jealousy aside, the campaign is very interesting. Using this new Nike+ thing, Daniel and Carrie have a competition to run the most miles in May. Read about it here.

I wish I could sign up and support one of them (I’d probably support Daniel because he’s in a sad state even though he’s slightly leading. His team only clocked 546km as of now, as opposed to Carrie’s team’s 1763km. Hahahaha. Damn funny, though) but I can’t sign up because I don’t have the gear to clock my runs. Sorry Daniel, can’t help you. Which is just as well because you’re a bit obnoxious in that video. Hahaha.

Anyway, Nanny Wen and I have been jogging regularly for almost three months now. We try to jog four days a week for one hour each time, but due to schedule clashes and stuff, we mostly end up doing it only two or three times a week.

Jog until shoe spoil. Super dirty also.

Sad.

Coincidentally, just a week ago, I was telling the Goonfather that I needed a new pair of Nikes. And an iPod. Because sometimes Nanny Wen and I run out of stuff to talk about during our runs and listening to music will help motivate us to run further.

But that was just talk. I didn’t think I would buy them because I don’t have a budget for such luxuries. See, I don’t even have a budget for proper running clothes.

I wear home t-shirts and shorts for jogging.

Nanny Wen is better off. She’s wearing a Nike t-shirt and army running shorts. I’m wearing a $5 Kenny t-shirt from Hong Kong and $5 shorts from some factory outlet in KL.

Incidentally, I buy most of my stuff overseas because I can’t afford anything in Singapore. Hahaha.

Anyway, I don’t care about running clothes. Hardly anybody sees me in them anyway, only faceless strangers.

But, right now, all I want is the Nike+ gear because that will so enhance my jogging experience.

Funny that I just found out today that Nike has this cool technology that combines the very two things I was thinking (dreaming) of buying just a week ago. I have no idea how much the high tech shoes and an iPod nano cost but I bet it’s gonna be like $500. OMG. Can die.

The funniest thing is that I’ve never EVER wanted an iPod or Zen or anything like that, not even tempted when I can get them for free like by signing up with StarHub or something. And then, last week, because of a particularly boring and tedious jog, I realised that having an iPod would be nice and kinda considered getting one.

This coincidence makes me feel like I’m meant to have this thing, you know? So now I’m waiting for money to drop from the sky for me. Haha.

The Goonfather says I’m stupid and this Nike+ thing is just a gimmick and I should just go buy a cheapo $30 MP3 player, instead. But the Goonfather doesn’t even exercise so he knows shit. Well, actually he does. He washes his car like twice a month. And maybe he plays a bit of Wii.

Hahaha. Big deal.

You know what would be a great thing to do? When you come home after a jog all sweaty and gross, go hug someone you love.

Hahaha. And then threaten to do that four times a week unless they buy you that Nike+ gear.

Bwahahaaha!

Nah, don’t think that will work on the Goonfather so I’m just gonna go to bed and stare at the ceiling and hope that money will fall through it. LOL.