I’ve been thinking of getting back into running. My Nikes and Adidas fell apart a couple of years ago and I haven’t run since then.
I have been putting off getting new ones because there are so many other things I need to spend money on in England, such as warm clothing and… even warmer clothing.
But I am finally putting my feet down to have them fitted for a new pair of running shoes.
Now, Bournemouth (where I live now) is not a shopping paradise like Singapore is. You can’t just take a short MRT ride to Orchard Road and immediately have access to 500 sporting stores offering pretty much the same stuff but all the brands and models are represented within a 500m radius.
(That means if you don’t like the attitude in one store, you can walk 10 seconds to another store to get exactly the same thing.)
You can even find trained consultants who professionally flirt with you and make you run on gait analysing thingies, then know exactly which pair of shoes you need to instantly improve your speed, stamina and intelligence by 300%.
In Bournemouth, on the other hand, you could choose to walk 10 minutes to a small sports supermarket (and I’m using the term “super” very loosely here) offering products that would make all the fashion policemen in the world vaporise from agony.
And there are two staff members in the whole place, one manning the cash register and the other bustling about pretending to be busy with stock or something.
Or you could drive an hour to a slightly bigger sports supermarket offering similary fashion-offensive products, and there are three staff members manning the cash registers or pretending to be busy.
I chose to go online.
And after a bit of looking around, this caught my eye:
I am partial to Adidas shoes. I had a pair several years ago which were the lightest and most comfortable track shoes you’d ever wear. I almost felt like I was flying in them. Sadly, they didn’t last very long because I wore them almost every day, not just for running but for everyday use.
So I’m hoping to find another pair that feels the same.
I was quite excited to find the pink and black Adidas because I love the colours and design and it’s really hard to find running shoes with nice designs. Most branded running shoes seem to me to be designed for aliens. Which makes them only marginally better than the ones in Bournemouth.
I quickly MSN’ed the link to Piers (who was at work).
I said, “I’m going to buy this!!!”
It took him just one second to reply, “Those trainers look ugly!”
“What?!” I said, “They don’t!”
“They do to me!”
I said, “You’re just saying that cos it’s £75!”
He said, “I am not!”
Then, he was silent for two seconds and came back with this:
“These ones look much nicer!”
I said, “That’s £8!!!!!!!!!!”
“Oh! Are they?” he said, “Wow, that’s good value!”
“Yeah, right,” I told him. “Too bad, cos I need an Adidas.”
Then another three seconds and he sent me this:
“These look nice!”
I said, “Those are man shoes!!”
“Oh, yeah,” he said.
Not to be deterred, he took a few more seconds and came back with this:
Indeed, it was time to change strategy.
“Thanks,” I said, to lull him into a sense of false security, “I love that.”
He doesn’t know that I have gone ahead to order the £75 Adidas. With his credit card! Mwahahaha.
I suppose he will find out when he receives the bill at the end of the month.
Or when he reads this post, which will presumably be sooner.
But that’s okay because I have suddenly and mysteriously turned into a good cook so I will distract him with some nice Chinese cooking.
He liked the wat tan mai fan and curry puffs I made in the last week, which is saying a lot because men’s taste buds are as good as their fashion senses are bad.
Vermicelli in egg gravy
I don’t mean all men, of course. Just the ones who equate expensive with ugly and cheap with sublimely gorgeous.
Which is why I will never take a man shopping with me. The best strategy is to go online to buy anything and everything you want while the man is at work. It’s fast and convenient and when the packages arrive, you can feign ignorance. “Goodness me, where did that come from?”
Just remember not to send him any links.
Or if you must, send him eBay links of really cheap stuff to drive him into a permanent state of deep, deep security.
In other news, I am micro-blogging on Facebook more than updating this silly blog so I would respectfully suggest that you go to Facebook for quicker updates on my superfluous life.