Like a drunken zombie trying to do a marathon

In the same week that I started my gym training, I also signed up for Shape Run 2009.

To prepare for it, my personal trainer suggested that I go for a run on my own, once a week, in-between my sessions with him.

Sheylara at the gym
Eric Goh, my trainer.

For my first run, Eric said I should do at least 45 minutes. It sounded reasonable to me at that time.

First Run — Saturday, 6:30pm

Sheylara

It had been almost two years since I ran, so I started off with a slow jog. I believed 45 minutes wouldn’t be a problem with that pace.

Five minutes into the jog, I was ready to drop dead.

I felt really fatigued. And hungry. I was at East Coast Park. The fragrance of meat being barbequed by weekend revellers taunted me left and right as I plodded along unsteadily like a drunken zombie trying to do a marathon.

The task I had set out for myself began to feel impossible, but I knew that endurance training is really about mind over matter. If your mind says you can do it, your body will do it. Simple!

Sheylara

So my mind constantly gave my body pep talks.

It said, “You can do it. You can do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.”

It told my legs, “Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right.”

It told my abs, “Sexy abs. Sexy abs. Sexy abs.”

Sheylara

Every so often, my body would plead, “Can we stop?”

The answer would come back screaming, “SEXY ABS!”

Twenty minutes later, while my mind was still going “you can do it you can do it sexy abs” like a broken record, my legs suddenly stopped jogging and started walking.

My mind was, like, “What the…?! I didn’t tell you to stop!!”

My body gave it the proverbial finger and said, “Nyah!”

Sheylara

Over the next 10 minutes, I start-stopped several times as both mind and body sought to wrest control.

Eventually, I gave up and went home. I was starting to break out in cold sweat. By the time I reached home, I was so dizzy and exhausted that I had to lie down on the floor. I couldn’t move for 10 minutes. I just lay there and breathed heavily.

Later, when I recounted my experience to Eric, he laughed and laughed.

Funny meh??

Sheylara

He said it was so funny. And he just wouldn’t stop laughing.

Great. I’ve gotten myself hooked up with a crazy sadist of a trainer.

Sheylara at the gym

A stranger came up to me and…

A strange thing happened as I was jogging home earlier this evening.

(Doh. The Goony Goonfather just came to look over my shoulder. He saw what I typed (above) and asked, “Hey! What strange thing happened?!”

“Don’t tell you,” I said cheekily.

“Did you fart and run faster?” he suggested.

“Siao lah!” I laughed despite myself.

“The propulsion created by the fart would make you run faster.” He illustrated by miming a fart-propelled run.

“Go away! Stop bothering me!” I made a face at him as he walked away making farting motions.)

SO! ANYWAY!

I didn’t fart.

Not while I was jogging, anyway.

I was on the finishing leg of my 6km jog. My usual route takes me through my estate, past an overhead bridge and through a park connector which winds through a HDB estate. And then back the way I came.

So, I was on the finishing leg, running on a pavement beside some blocks of HDB flats.

Fifty metres ahead, I noticed a well-dressed Chinese man in his mid to late 20s. He looked like he could be a teacher or a salesman, or just some random executive, on the way home from work.

I noticed him because he was looking at me as he walked towards me.

I focused on my run and kept to one side, not looking at him.

When we neared each other, he stopped me.

“Excuse me,” he said.

Sheesh. I had to stop to see what he wanted.

“Yes?” I looked at him expectantly.

“Is there a running track nearby?”

Oh, maybe someone new to the neighbourhood who wants to get some running done.

“No,” I said, “But there’s a park connector there.” I pointed back to where I had been jogging.

“I see,” the man said, smiling.

He spoke in a pleasantly modulated tone with clear, grammatically correct English. His eyes were focused on mine.

I got the feeling that he wasn’t really interested in running tracks.

You know how, when you give someone information, their eyeballs will shift as they process the information? Or they will at least look where you point?

Well, this man just kept his eyes focused on me and smiled the whole time.

Maybe it wasn’t enough information for him to chew on, I thought, so I continued, “The park connector is just across that overhead bridge over there.” I turned around to point carefully in the right direction.

When I turned back to him, he was still looking at me, and not at the place I was pointing at.

“I see,” he said again.

And he didn’t even make an effort to ask more about running tracks, which was all I was interested in talking to him about.

So, I smiled at him and started to jog away.

“You look really fit,” he said, still smiling.

Caught by surprise, I muttered a quick thank you, coupled with a bashful smile.

I had jogged about three metres away from him by this time.

He didn’t give up.

“Do you run every day?”

Five metres. I had to sort of jog backwards so I could face him to answer his question.

“Er, no. Only whenever I can.”

“That’s great,” he said. Still that unceasing evergreen smile.

Seven metres.

“See ya!” he said, waving.

Oh gosh.

I gave him a quick smile and jogged forward, never looking back.

So, what was up with that?

I don’t think he was trying to hit on me. I was in a baggy t-shirt and shorts, messy hair, no makeup, sweaty.

I looked worse than in this photo. Seriously. I had to touch up this photo a bit because I look like Sadako without makeup and I don’t want to scare my readers off.

The man was good-looking. But who cares? The way he tried to have a conversation with me was weird.

I mean, it’s probably not weird in friendlier, more liberal cultures. But it’s certainly weird in conservative Singapore where people are taught from young never to talk to strangers.

And who would try to start a conversation with a jogger? The fellow is jogging, for goodness’ sake. He has no time to stand there and have a conversation with you!

Some very weird people exist in this world. I suppose it makes the world more interesting. As long as they’re not into raping or mugging or murdering.

What do you think?

Lust in my heart

Sponsored

I can’t remember the last time I truly lusted over something so bad that life is meaningless if I can’t have it. Not even the Wii. Sure, I wanted a Wii, but it was fine if I couldn’t have one. I still had EQ2.

But this…. THIS!

I am currently dying to own THIS:

It’s this sensor thing you put in special Nike shoes which sends data to your iPod nano while you run. Later, your iPod nano will tell you how far you’ve run and how many calories you’ve burnt and all sorts of cool stuff. OMG I’m dying here can?

Thanks to the big red Nike ad in my blog (which my itchy fingers had to go click on), I’m going to have sleepless nights dreaming about this thing I can’t afford. High tech Nike shoes AND an iPod nano.

I am supremely jealous of Daniel Ong and Carrie Chong because they’re endorsing this latest Nike campaign and I bet they get it all free.

Actually, jealousy aside, the campaign is very interesting. Using this new Nike+ thing, Daniel and Carrie have a competition to run the most miles in May. Read about it here.

I wish I could sign up and support one of them (I’d probably support Daniel because he’s in a sad state even though he’s slightly leading. His team only clocked 546km as of now, as opposed to Carrie’s team’s 1763km. Hahahaha. Damn funny, though) but I can’t sign up because I don’t have the gear to clock my runs. Sorry Daniel, can’t help you. Which is just as well because you’re a bit obnoxious in that video. Hahaha.

Anyway, Nanny Wen and I have been jogging regularly for almost three months now. We try to jog four days a week for one hour each time, but due to schedule clashes and stuff, we mostly end up doing it only two or three times a week.

Jog until shoe spoil. Super dirty also.

Sad.

Coincidentally, just a week ago, I was telling the Goonfather that I needed a new pair of Nikes. And an iPod. Because sometimes Nanny Wen and I run out of stuff to talk about during our runs and listening to music will help motivate us to run further.

But that was just talk. I didn’t think I would buy them because I don’t have a budget for such luxuries. See, I don’t even have a budget for proper running clothes.

I wear home t-shirts and shorts for jogging.

Nanny Wen is better off. She’s wearing a Nike t-shirt and army running shorts. I’m wearing a $5 Kenny t-shirt from Hong Kong and $5 shorts from some factory outlet in KL.

Incidentally, I buy most of my stuff overseas because I can’t afford anything in Singapore. Hahaha.

Anyway, I don’t care about running clothes. Hardly anybody sees me in them anyway, only faceless strangers.

But, right now, all I want is the Nike+ gear because that will so enhance my jogging experience.

Funny that I just found out today that Nike has this cool technology that combines the very two things I was thinking (dreaming) of buying just a week ago. I have no idea how much the high tech shoes and an iPod nano cost but I bet it’s gonna be like $500. OMG. Can die.

The funniest thing is that I’ve never EVER wanted an iPod or Zen or anything like that, not even tempted when I can get them for free like by signing up with StarHub or something. And then, last week, because of a particularly boring and tedious jog, I realised that having an iPod would be nice and kinda considered getting one.

This coincidence makes me feel like I’m meant to have this thing, you know? So now I’m waiting for money to drop from the sky for me. Haha.

The Goonfather says I’m stupid and this Nike+ thing is just a gimmick and I should just go buy a cheapo $30 MP3 player, instead. But the Goonfather doesn’t even exercise so he knows shit. Well, actually he does. He washes his car like twice a month. And maybe he plays a bit of Wii.

Hahaha. Big deal.

You know what would be a great thing to do? When you come home after a jog all sweaty and gross, go hug someone you love.

Hahaha. And then threaten to do that four times a week unless they buy you that Nike+ gear.

Bwahahaaha!

Nah, don’t think that will work on the Goonfather so I’m just gonna go to bed and stare at the ceiling and hope that money will fall through it. LOL.