Journal – Nov 5-6

Journal - Nov 5-6

 

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Piggyback

There has been no movement from the ladybirds in the bathroom since Oct 26 when Daddy Ted went for a day’s jaunt. The five are always on the same spot on the curtain in a cluster, most of the time facing each other in a circle as if they were petals around a flower. Tonight, though, I saw Mary (one of the babies) sitting on Ted, as if he were giving her a piggyback! How adorable is that?! When I went back to look an hour later, she was off his back and they were back in their regular cluster.

Couch to 5K

I have decided to do C25K, not out of any noble sense of purpose but because I had an empty space to fill in my habit tracker, lol. Nevertheless I shall feel proud that I took my first session today. It felt good afterwards!

Gratitude

I’m grateful for new toys to play with! Today’s post brought me 12 brush pens (more colours yay), 15 gelatos (something new for me to try) and 3 water brushes (also something new I hope I won’t be a complete mess at)!

Opposing Wishes

One of our big trees have turned beautifully red but all the rest remain green. There are some red ones in the lower garden but they’re small and can’t really be seen from my window. I said to Piers, “I wish we had more red trees and fewer evergreens.” His reply: “I wish all our trees were evergreens. Then I wouldn’t have so many leaves to rake!” I have no argument for that. Tsk. Beauty always has a price!

 

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Journal – November 3-4

Journal - November 3-4

 

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Gratitude

I’m so grateful for my new Uniqlo Heattech t-shirts and leggings. They’re so comfy and warm! I wish I’d thought of buying them way earlier!

Forget

It’s the first anniversary of dad’s death today. I’ve always found it morbid to commemorate someone’s death. And isn’t it awfully sad to specifically remind yourself of a terrible loss? I guess people do it because they don’t want to forget their departed loved ones. But it’s not so easy to forget, is it? I don’t think I can ever forget the space he used to fill in our lives. I can’t ever forget the suffering he bravely endured for years. I can’t forget his smiles when he was happy. Why do I need a day to remember what I can’t forget?

Allergic

I bought a secondhand book last year that I haven’t been able to read because it triggers my dust and mould allergy. It’s “What Do I Do When I Want To Do Everything” and it’s out of print so I can’t get safe new copies. So I decided to photocopy it. OMG never again. It took me over 2 mind-numbing hours and a lot of muscle effort because of the stiff spine and it being bigger than the photocopy glass. This book has now cost me £30 including the photocopy ink and paper, and hours of allergies!

Timing

I’ve been doing daily walks for three months now without major health incidences, so I feel ready to take on Couch to 5K. Except it’s getting colder and more miserable by the day and I’ve been getting my daily steps indoors. But I can’t run indoors, so do I brave the cold or wait till spring?

 

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Journal – November 1-2

Journal - November 1-2

 

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Life and Death

I dreamt that I tried to commit suicide. It surprised me because I haven’t felt suicidal recently. It’s also the first time I’ve dreamt such a thing and it weirds me out a bit. I’ve been feeling largely positive, even happy, the last few months, even though I never did stop being aware that there are unresolved issues and unfixable things that plague me.

Even in the glow of positivity and happiness, there is a stress that will never go away because life can never be the neat little package you want it to be. I don’t want to kill myself at the moment but I wouldn’t mind ceasing to exist.

In my dream, the attempt failed and I woke up feeling disappointed, both in the dream and in real life. Where do I go from here? I don’t know. Keep trying, die trying, to fix my life as well as I can. Look outside the window and focus on the good things.

Gratitude

I’m grateful for all the people in the world who make the world a better place with kindness, love and compassion.

Lifeguard

I will never stop being amazed at Piers’ superpower. We were at our pond and it’s pretty chaotic. Dragonflies flitting around, dead leaves and weeds and ripples on the surface, uneven muddy ground on the bottom. In the middle of that, he suddenly pointed out a tiny splashing that wouldn’t quit and said a dragonfly was drowning. It was far away in the middle of a really huge pond and I honestly couldn’t tell. But Piers saw it and managed to rescue it with a ridiculously long wooden beam that’s used to sweep pond weeds. Makes me speechless!

 

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Journal – October 28-29

Journal - October 28-29

 

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Spring Forward, Fall Back

Daylight saving time ended this morning. I’d known beforehand but it still managed to confuse me! When I woke up, my phone told me it was 9 am. I’d actually forgotten about the clocks changing at this point. I opened Fitbit to check my sleep. It told me I woke up at 8 am! I was puzzled. Was Fitbit broken?

At breakfast, Piers reminded me about the time change. I was, like, oh yeah! I thought Fitbit was broken. But then I continued to think about it and realised that Fitbit should have thought it was 10 am, not 8 am. In any case, doesn’t it follow my phone’s time, which auto updates? So I’m still terribly confused!

Gratitude

The temperature dipped to winter levels these two days. I decided not to turn on the heating yet because last winter, we had to have an oil refuel like every month and that’s very unpleasant for me because I get anxious dealing with strangers. Plus it’s expensive, like £500 per refuel.

I went around the house covered head to toe, 4 layers on my torso and wearing my thickest winter coat. When I have to dress and undress and it’s so painfully cold, I keep thinking of people who cannot afford heating and who don’t have enough warm clothes. I feel very grateful for everything we have.

 

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Journal – October 26-27

Journal - October 26-27

 

Transcription

Gratitude

I’m so grateful for home cleaning services!

Scaredy Cat

Recently, I had the brilliant idea to read all of Stephen King’s novels in chronological order. I want to enjoy the rich connections amongst all his books, plus I love his characterisation.

I’ve finished Carrie and am now on ‘Salem’s Lot. And I’m having second thoughts. I seemed to have forgotten that I can’t deal with creepy haunted house horror!

So I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to read it now, and I know there are more titles like it. But I hate giving up the idea!

Ladybird Update

Ladybird update: (ref. Oct 21 / Oct 24)

(Friday) Ted the dad is missing!
(Saturday) Ted is back! So far I have yet to see the girls move.

Obviously I don’t know their gender so I’m making it up. The red ones are the girls and the black ones are the boys!

Today’s Exercise

Dan from the garage came looking for Piers and I had to leave him at the door and run all the way to the garden to get him. He was at the far end, too, trimming the hedge, so he couldn’t hear me shouting!

 

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