Pure camwhore

Once upon a time, four friends decided last minute to go to MOS (Ministry of Sound) on a Saturday night.

Except that two friends had to go home to change first, so the other two, namely Sheylara and the Goonfather, went in first to see if they could get a table.

It was Sheylara’s first time to MOS and she had to try very hard not to look too impressed or everyone would think she’s a nerd or something.

Of course, it was only 9:30 pm, so the only folks there to judge her were empty tables and chairs. And maybe bored waiters hiding in the shadows, dreading the impending wave of mayhem that would wash over them in about two hours.

Sheylara liked the main hall in MOS. It was very tastefully decorated. But all the tables were reserved.

She liked the retro disco funk room. It was very pretty. But all the tables were reserved.

She liked the hip hop room. It was very death grungy. But all the tables were reseved.

She liked the ladies’ room. It had a big mirror in it. But there were no tables in there.

Then, she and the Goonfather passed by a room with a closed door.

“Pssst!” said a man in black.

Surprised, they turned to look at him.

“Come in…” said the man invitingly, almost seductively.

“What’s in there?” asked Sheylara.

“Why don’t you come in and see for yourself?” said the man teasingly.

Actually, Sheylara already knew about the room because there was a sign at the door saying “PURE” and she had read about it in blogs. People like to hold parties in there, apparently.

They went in.

Sheylara liked the PURE room. It was very… pure. All the tables were free.

And all the tables looked like giant Panadol pills.

Which might help if one were to get prematurely hungover.

So Sheylara and the Goonfather settled down in the PURE room and the man in black looked very happy. It looked like he doesn’t get very much patronage for his room.

After ordering drinks, the Goonfather whipped out his PSP and started playing.


Sheylara didn’t bring her DS because damn clubbing handbags are too small to fit anything in.

So she took out her camera and started engaging in the only activity available to her at the moment, besides trying to get herself drunk on wimpy screwdrivers sitting on giant panadols.

The Goonfather spent the next hour and a half playing PSP.

Sheylara spent the next hour and a half taking photographs of herself. It was really fun because the light changed colours every few seconds.

It was fun doing United Colours of Sheylara.

Normal Sheylara

Red Sheylara

Pink Sheylara

Green Sheylara

Purple Sheylara

Magenta Sheylara

Green Sheylara

Camwhoring is obviously a very tiring activity. After 1.5 hours of making smilies at the camera, Sheylara got really tired.

She excused herself (to no one in particular since the only people in the room at the moment were a PSP addict and bored waiters) and went to the little ladies’ room.

Sheylara taking a break

By the time she returned to PURE, her errant friends had arrived.

The Goonfather was still playing his PSP.

Errant friend #2 was taking a nap.

PURE was still very empty.

More camwhoring happened in the next hour while the men were otherwisely occupied.

When Sheylara’s camera ran out of space and battery juice, the girls decided that they were hungry and because lousy MOS didn’t serve food, they left the club in search of sustenance.

After a heavy supper at Hooters, everyone went home.

How fun was that.

Why auditions are evil

Thank you all for your well wishes and encouragement.

It’s always good to know that I don’t have any enemies who laugh at my misfortunes. Or maybe I do, just that they’re not vocal enough to notify me of their hatred towards me.

Well, contrary to popular opinion, actually, I’m not really depressed. I’m mostly just feeling numb. Abstract ideas floating around in my head, here then gone, intermittently distracting me from reality.

But not distracting enough to stop me from enjoying a chocolate bar.

I am getting a sugar-overdose fix now. Can of Pepsi Twist and bar of Cadbury Twirl.

Life is good when you’re caught up in a moment of pure hedonism.

I need more chocolate, though.

Just got home from two auditions and going through denial (again).

Noooooo….! I didn’t do that at the audition. That wasn’t me. OMG Noooooo… delete DELETE!!!

Have I ever mentioned that auditions are evil?

I bet I have.

Some auditions are fun. I like the acting part, the part where we have to act out a scene. What I hate are the profile shoots and the self-intros.

Profile shoot:

Look into the camera. Smile. Good. Now, turn right. Okay. And now left. Good. Turn back to the camera and give a big smile. That’s it. Great!

This makes me feel like a criminal or a camera-shy geek. I do not feel glamorous or sexy or pretty or charming or anything positive during this exercise.


Hi! My name is Qiaoyun and I’m an actress. You may have seen me on TV recently… blah blah.

Now, I really, really, REALLY hate this. If I’m not wrong, the purpose of self-intros (talking into the camera) is to show the client how well-spoken you are and how you carry yourself and, probably, how natural and photogenic you are on screen.

Still. I hate it.

I feel stupid talking about myself. Who really wants to hear me talk about my life, my experience, my hobbies, my skills or whatever else there is to talk about?

If I can’t sell tickets to a performance entitled “Shen Qiaoyun — The Self-Intro”, then I can safely assume that the client is not going to be entertained by my little speech. That makes me feel apologetic when I’m doing the self-intro, which in turn totally dissolves any charisma I might have.

I would be a very very happy person if I never have to do mug shots and self intros again, and still get acting/modelling job offers. I think only superstars enjoy that privilege. Superstars are exempt from such indignities.

So I guess I’ll have to work on becoming a superstar.

I need help.

Two posts are now open for application.

1. Big shot who can make me a superstar (1 vacancy)
2. Adoring fan (limitless vacancies)

Please apply here. Kthxbye.