It seems like Piers really appreciates the smoothness of my skin, seeing as he tries to compliment it every so often.

I happen to disagree with his assessment of my epidermic qualities but that is not the point of this story.

Piers, in fact, has once again one upped himself in the compliments department. (Also read the pumpkin story).

One night, as we lazed on the sofa together watching television, he gently stroked my arm and said, “Your skin is so smooth, like our new frying pan.”

I’m not sure how many of you girls out there would have wanted to wallop your boyfriends on the head with the frying pan he just tried to compare you to.

“A frying pan?” I said dangerously.

“What?” he said, looking quite innocent. “It IS very smooth,” then quickly added, “Which is why we bought it,” as if that was supposed to cement his argument.

I said, “You don’t compare girls to frying pans!”

“Why not?” he said.

“Because frying pans are… frying pans!!” I said

“And the good ones are really smooth!” he said.

It went on like this for a while. I decided to save my strength to prepare myself for being compared to a washing machine or lamp shade or whatever next.

That is not to say that Piers is not a good boyfriend, notwithstanding his penchant for comparing his girlfriend to household items.

Piers is as useful as a rowboat. Because rowboats take people places and Piers does that too, like taking me to the movies. And he does it very well.

Actually, I wish to amend my former statement. Piers is more useful than a rowboat because rowboats don’t buy you popcorn and soft drinks, too.

And that’s how we compliment boyfriends, right?

Piers: I feel like the luckiest guy in the world to have a beautiful-butt girlfriend.

Sheylara: Don’t be ridiculous.

Piers: I do!

Sheylara: I feel like Plurking that cos it’s so funny and stupid, but I can’t.

Piers: What!

Sheylara: Hmm, should I Plurk it or not?

Piers: Nooooooooooo!

Sheylara: Yeah, I don’t think so.

Piers: I don’t want anyone else to know you’ve got a beautiful butt!

Sheylara: I think you don’t want people to know you like me for my butt.

Piers: Your butt’s not the only thing I like about you!!

Sheylara: Oh, really.

Piers: I like your feet, too.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The conversation happened on webcam while he was having his lunch and I was having my dinner.

After eating, he lay on the sofa and fell asleep cos he didn’t sleep well last night.

So he doesn’t know I’m blogging this!

Hope I get to see his expression when he discovers this post. =P

LOL he just suddenly woke up, half opened one eye, and went “hmm? huh?” like a lost puppy, as if he couldn’t figure out where or who he was.

Then he saw me on his screen and said, “What are you doing?”

At the same moment I was answering, “Watching you,” he closed the one eye and promptly fell back asleep again.

Men are such sleepyheads. They can fall asleep anytime, anywhere, even in mid conversation.

It’s not the first time he’s fallen asleep while talking to me.

Lucky for him I find him so very cute in that lost, sleepy state.

The Goonfather executed the con job of the year last night.

It’s all my fault for making him hooked to Liar Game (a Japanese manga that got made into a drama serial and movie). He must be constantly thinking of how to con people now.

We had dinner at Marché. You know how we each have our own cards to rack up our purchases on? So, towards the end of the evening, after the Goonfather had charged pver $80 on his card, he suddenly threw out a proposal.

“Hey!” he said, “I think it’ll be so funny if we mix up all our cards and redistribute them so no one knows how much he has to pay. Imagine the expression of the person who gets my card! Hahaha!”

Everyone started laughing about the nervousness during the qeueing up to pay, and the hilarity during the moment of truth.

All the excitement of Russian Roulette without the death.

CRAZILY, EVERYONE ACTUALLY BOUGHT INTO HIS GAME.

Well, okay, not everyone. Only eight out of 11 took part. The biggest spender of course happily bought in. He had $97 on his card.

Mostly, it was the guys who had between $40 and $100 on their cards. The girls were all in the $20s.

Us girls are just sporting like that.

But I’m still amazed that the Goonfather managed to come up with such a crazy plan and actually have people go along with it.

After everyone surrendered their cards, he mixed them up and got us to pick one each. Since he was the broker, he didn’t get to pick and simply retained the last card remaining.

Then we spent the next hour speculating whose card was the most costly and who had gotten whose card. The big spenders threw out clues, like, “Mine has dog ears,” or “Mine has a split,” which only served to increase the suspense.

And then, the moment of truth.

We all trooped to the cashier. The Goonfather bullied Wang Wang into going first.

PANDEMONIUM.

She got the $97 card.

There was much laughter and hooting and wailing and gnashing of teeth. Still, she managed to pay the bill with a big smile. Even victims can’t help being caught up in the fun.

Big spender Edwin paid next. He got the Goonfather’s card of $83, which was unlucky but still profitable for him.

I paid $41 although I’d only spent $22.

The Goonfather got a $30 card, which means he made about $50.

It wasn’t even a fair gamble to begin with but it was definitely fun.

Still, I think I should tax the Goonfather to cover my loss. Must come up with a better con to get him back. :P

This following joke has a slightly adult theme so, underage peeps, especially if you know me, please don’t read it. Haha. Bye bye!

Okay, so, the Goonfather and I are planning to go to China for a week in August, and we were discussing what we wanted to do there. I told him I want this trip to be super relaxing, no toursity rushing about trying to do everything. And very minimal shopping cos, believe it or not, I’m kinda tired of shopping.

“I just want to eat yummy food and fruits (since it’s a fruit season) and go for massages,” I said.

Then I added, “Okay, maybe take a few romantic strolls with you in the evening and see some sights.”

The Goonfather seemed pleased with that. His face lit up, he thought for a while and said, “Are we going to make babies?”

I gave him a sharp, disbelieving look immediately.

“No,” I shot.

He replied, “Awww but if we did then our baby would be made in China!”

So, the other day, Nanny Wen invited Unker Kell to bring his drill to her new place.

She needed one, she said, to make holes in her wall for her wall shelf or something.

The Goonfather and I tagged along to witness the making of holes. What we witnessed from the first was a half-mantled Ikea wardrobe (“mantled” being the opposite of “dismantled”, which I feel is the right word to use here even if it’s theoretically wrong) in her bedroom, lying on its side.

(Here’s Unker Kell attempting to save the wardrobe from being mishandled:)

On top of the budding wardrobe we saw a tool box the size of a mobile phone. WHEN IT’S OPEN.

Presumably, Wen had been trying to make furniture using screwdrivers smaller than her pinkie.

The guys made a big show of groaning at the outrage, after which Unker Kell set to work putting things right while the Goonfather found a new use for the baby tools — fixing his watch.

All was good until Unker Kell finished up with the wardrobe and was going to start on the drilling.

The Goonfather decided then that it was a good time to come to the rescue. He had a leveling tool he just downloaded on his iPhone called iHandy Level. It’s supposde to help you make, like, your wall paintings or whatever straight.

Excitedly, because this was the first time he was using the app, the Goonfather measured two spots on the wall for Unker Kell to mark. Once marked, the drilling started.

All this time, I was outside, working on blogs. And, suddenly, I heard Wen call out to me, “QY COME HERE!!!”

I went inside. Wen pointed at her newly erected shelf and said, “Does this look straight to you?”

It was an obvious no. It was slanted like 10cm off. The boys were giggling. Or, rather, trying very hard not to giggle.

The Goonfather said, “But the tool can’t lie. It must be straight.”

Wen said, “It is obviously not straight!!”

The Goonfather said, “Then must be your floor is not straight!”

Anyway, he later realised that iHandy Level has to be calibrated once before use. Fortunately, the slant was so pronounced that there was actually enough space for Unker Kell to drill another hole above the wrong one, so the shelf was put to rights without much incident thereafter.

It’s so good to have guys around to do all this man stuff for us, no?