The Goonfather executed the con job of the year last night.

It’s all my fault for making him hooked to Liar Game (a Japanese manga that got made into a drama serial and movie). He must be constantly thinking of how to con people now.

We had dinner at Marché. You know how we each have our own cards to rack up our purchases on? So, towards the end of the evening, after the Goonfather had charged pver $80 on his card, he suddenly threw out a proposal.

“Hey!” he said, “I think it’ll be so funny if we mix up all our cards and redistribute them so no one knows how much he has to pay. Imagine the expression of the person who gets my card! Hahaha!”

Everyone started laughing about the nervousness during the qeueing up to pay, and the hilarity during the moment of truth.

All the excitement of Russian Roulette without the death.

CRAZILY, EVERYONE ACTUALLY BOUGHT INTO HIS GAME.

Well, okay, not everyone. Only eight out of 11 took part. The biggest spender of course happily bought in. He had $97 on his card.

Mostly, it was the guys who had between $40 and $100 on their cards. The girls were all in the $20s.

Us girls are just sporting like that.

But I’m still amazed that the Goonfather managed to come up with such a crazy plan and actually have people go along with it.

After everyone surrendered their cards, he mixed them up and got us to pick one each. Since he was the broker, he didn’t get to pick and simply retained the last card remaining.

Then we spent the next hour speculating whose card was the most costly and who had gotten whose card. The big spenders threw out clues, like, “Mine has dog ears,” or “Mine has a split,” which only served to increase the suspense.

And then, the moment of truth.

We all trooped to the cashier. The Goonfather bullied Wang Wang into going first.

PANDEMONIUM.

She got the $97 card.

There was much laughter and hooting and wailing and gnashing of teeth. Still, she managed to pay the bill with a big smile. Even victims can’t help being caught up in the fun.

Big spender Edwin paid next. He got the Goonfather’s card of $83, which was unlucky but still profitable for him.

I paid $41 although I’d only spent $22.

The Goonfather got a $30 card, which means he made about $50.

It wasn’t even a fair gamble to begin with but it was definitely fun.

Still, I think I should tax the Goonfather to cover my loss. Must come up with a better con to get him back. :P

This following joke has a slightly adult theme so, underage peeps, especially if you know me, please don’t read it. Haha. Bye bye!

Okay, so, the Goonfather and I are planning to go to China for a week in August, and we were discussing what we wanted to do there. I told him I want this trip to be super relaxing, no toursity rushing about trying to do everything. And very minimal shopping cos, believe it or not, I’m kinda tired of shopping.

“I just want to eat yummy food and fruits (since it’s a fruit season) and go for massages,” I said.

Then I added, “Okay, maybe take a few romantic strolls with you in the evening and see some sights.”

The Goonfather seemed pleased with that. His face lit up, he thought for a while and said, “Are we going to make babies?”

I gave him a sharp, disbelieving look immediately.

“No,” I shot.

He replied, “Awww but if we did then our baby would be made in China!”

So, the other day, Nanny Wen invited Unker Kell to bring his drill to her new place.

She needed one, she said, to make holes in her wall for her wall shelf or something.

The Goonfather and I tagged along to witness the making of holes. What we witnessed from the first was a half-mantled Ikea wardrobe (“mantled” being the opposite of “dismantled”, which I feel is the right word to use here even if it’s theoretically wrong) in her bedroom, lying on its side.

(Here’s Unker Kell attempting to save the wardrobe from being mishandled:)

On top of the budding wardrobe we saw a tool box the size of a mobile phone. WHEN IT’S OPEN.

Presumably, Wen had been trying to make furniture using screwdrivers smaller than her pinkie.

The guys made a big show of groaning at the outrage, after which Unker Kell set to work putting things right while the Goonfather found a new use for the baby tools — fixing his watch.

All was good until Unker Kell finished up with the wardrobe and was going to start on the drilling.

The Goonfather decided then that it was a good time to come to the rescue. He had a leveling tool he just downloaded on his iPhone called iHandy Level. It’s supposde to help you make, like, your wall paintings or whatever straight.

Excitedly, because this was the first time he was using the app, the Goonfather measured two spots on the wall for Unker Kell to mark. Once marked, the drilling started.

All this time, I was outside, working on blogs. And, suddenly, I heard Wen call out to me, “QY COME HERE!!!”

I went inside. Wen pointed at her newly erected shelf and said, “Does this look straight to you?”

It was an obvious no. It was slanted like 10cm off. The boys were giggling. Or, rather, trying very hard not to giggle.

The Goonfather said, “But the tool can’t lie. It must be straight.”

Wen said, “It is obviously not straight!!”

The Goonfather said, “Then must be your floor is not straight!”

Anyway, he later realised that iHandy Level has to be calibrated once before use. Fortunately, the slant was so pronounced that there was actually enough space for Unker Kell to drill another hole above the wrong one, so the shelf was put to rights without much incident thereafter.

It’s so good to have guys around to do all this man stuff for us, no?

Something cute for a Sunday evening!

The latest from icanhascheezburger:

It’s funny, although not necessarily my favourite lolcat.

Just thought to mention it cos it reminds me of Conehead Zombie in Plants vs Zombies!

Read the description!

The PVZ guide to all the plants and zombies has the most irrelevant but funny stories.

A few of my favourite ones:

Too funny and cute for words! I would like to kiss the writer of these funny descriptions.

No, I’m no longer obsessed over Plants vs. Zombies. Because I’m obsessed over Dynomite, instead.

No, no. Really. I managed to get some work done last night and today. Slowly but surely ticking off all the items on my planner!

You might be asking, then, why am I reading lolcats when I’m supposed to be working?

Cos I follow ICHC on Plurk so I get updates instantly lah. I have a few things open on my screen 24/7 and Plurk is one of them. Gmail is another.

Awright, back to work!

Heh.

What I really feel like doing now is curl up in bed to read.

I’m getting into learning about 16th Century English court via not entirely reliable sources (Philippa Gregory novels) but all the same being more educational than reading, say, Archie comics (which I actually downloaded onto my iPhone).

But, in the interest of self-preservation, I shall not succumb to temptation. Not all the time, anyway, striving perhaps for an optimistic ratio of nine out of 10 times in which I should say “Bugger it all and give me my book.”

No, really. Temptation is evil and should not be yielded to nor employed, except during times when you need to bribe someone into, say, buying you a camera when you already have one but just because you’re greedy and want another one.

In such a case, bribery should offer something of value to your target.

You should discreetly pull him aside and whisper soothingly, even seductively, into his ear: “I will stop drawing funny comics about you if you buy me a new camera.”

And then you hope that he hasn’t yet fulfilled his quota of temptation-yielding for the week and will pick yours.

This has been a public service announcement.

You don’t have to thank me in the event of success in your own similar experiments.